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My DD (20 months) is suddenly really unsettled at nursery, any advice?

7 replies

HowBeOn · 26/04/2023 18:26

Hi, looking for some advice re my DD 20 months. She started nursery in January at 16 months as that was when we were offered a place (popular nursery with long waiting list). She goes 2 days per week.

She took a while to settle and we had lots of tears at drop off for a good 6-8 weeks. Then, it seemed to get better and although she wasn’t racing for the door like some kids they said she had always been fine, ate well, slept well, played with the other children etc.

However the last couple of weeks we seem to have gone back to square 1. More like -1 tbh because she seems even more distressed than when she very first started. I try not to drag the goodbyes out too long as it upsets her more but I’m finding it utterly heartbreaking. I walk back up the drive in tears myself.

Nursery have let us know that she is taking a lot longer to settle once she’s in than before - up to 30 mins and said she seems to find the hecticness of all the children arriving quite overwhelming but then is fine for the rest of the day.

I said to DH today that maybe we should pull her out and find a childminder but a) childcare is hard to come by, I doubt we will be able to find someone that easily and b) I worry it will just unsettle her even more.

Has anyone else had a similar situation where their child has seemed to settle but then ‘regressed’ back to unsettled? I feel so guilty and like a terrible mum, just don’t know what to do 🙁 I’d give up work in a heartbeat if we could afford it but we just can’t.

In all other respects she is doing amazing - she is healthy, sleeps well, a bit of a picky eater but not too bad, very chatty and starting to string words together and very cuddly and loveable! She is a little slow to warm up to strangers but sociable once she’s comfortable!

Any advice appreciated, tia!

OP posts:
Ceramic · 26/04/2023 18:31

My dd was similar. In the end I refused to let the staff drag her off me they kept saying ‘oh she’s fine after a while’ but she wasn’t she was sobbing and withdrawing more and more their idea of ‘fine’ was just not loudly screaming

We found a new setting. From day 1 I took her in and said ‘ok do you want to play today? ‘ or ‘look at the fun painting or exciting activity’

For 5 weeks she said no and we stayed for 5-10 mins each time. After 5 weeks one day she wanted to stay for 1 hour one day and we gradually built it up with me staying and then I started to leave the room for a minute then building up to 1 hour and by then (8 weeks after starting) she was ready to be left for the session. She does have some additional needs since diagnosed so I’m half we too a slow approach

Sometimes a setting might just not be right is there any chance of looking for a different nursery ?

HowBeOn · 26/04/2023 20:59

Thanks for commenting @Ceramic , I'm glad your DD found somewhere that suited her.

Im so torn between trying to find somewhere else and thinking that might unsettle her even more but I think I owe it to her to at least look into it.

I was feeling so positive when she eventually settled so it's devastating that we have gone backwards like this. She's supposed to be in tomorrow and I can't bear the thought of seeing her so upset again I'm thinking of just calling in sick and keeping her home with me.

OP posts:
orangesky1 · 26/04/2023 21:03

We had ups and downs with our child - sometimes happy, sometimes would cling to my leg. I think they go through developmental stages. Could you try dropping her off a bit later for a couple of weeks and see if it makes a difference to dive straight into the activities, rather than seeing the other drop offs?

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Conductpolicy · 26/04/2023 21:07

Some children just don't want to be there
She's incredibly young.
Have you looked at evry which way to change work hours to suit the child?
Have you drilled into your legal rights if you request flexible working and changes?
They have to properly consider any requests by law.
I think id explore this route further if you haven't already.

HowBeOn · 26/04/2023 21:08

@orangesky1 this is a really good idea, can't believe I didn't think of it doh!! I can't see nursery having any issues with this.

OP posts:
HowBeOn · 26/04/2023 21:11

@Conductpolicy my work are amazing and really flexible - I've already compressed my hours so I can have one day off per week with her and my DH has done the same.

But yes this is my worry that it's just totally wrong for her Sad

OP posts:
Conductpolicy · 26/04/2023 21:13

Great work has been flexible.
She's very young and nursery doesn't suit every child.
I'd look into other options.
I'm sure she will be more ready in 6 months or so.

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