I never fancy anyone average looking

[Cherryblossomgirly]

I don’t mean to be shallow but unless someone is good looking I can’t fancy them. I went on a date with a nice guy on Monday and he had a lovely personality and I could definitely see him as a friend or ‘companion’ if you like but because he was average, not ugly though, I couldn’t imagine getting intimate with him or anyone average looking. I like to think of the future when I date and if I can’t imagine being intimate with someone I don’t see the point of the relationship.

Am I looking at things wrong? Are you supposed to wait and see if you can grow the attraction? Does it come naturally after the connection is made? Are you supposed to ‘make do’ with the looks of the personality is great? I hate stringing people along so I can’t bring myself to pretend to like someone as it ends up hurting them or and bites you on the bum in the end.

There has to be an attraction. I think you are thinking about this too simplistically and can come across as superficial. And the title is a bit off putting because it sounds like you rate your looks very highly and though that might be true maybe a bit of humility can do wonders.

Someone you rate 10/10 is prob not someone I would want to be with. It’s about chemistry.

And you are entirely entitled to find whomever attractive to you.

Sounds fine to me. Noone seems to judge men for valuing looks. Women are allowed to do so too. Sexual attraction matters.

How would you rate your looks Op?

Well it's entirely up to you and how much you want a relationship for how much you are prepared to compromise.

For me, 50, already had kids, a 20 yr marriage, don't need a man and love being single - I don't compromise at all. I don't want to.

But it's clear from mn, many women will take any man at all to be in a relationship.

And everything in between.

It's up to you.

@MissLucyLiu No, I didn’t mean it like that; I would consider myself average too. I just find that my sole attraction to hot men a problem as I’m struggling to find someone.

I wouldn't say my husband is classically good-looking and I may not have swiped the right way if I'd been internet dating just based on looks, but there was and in an undeniable attraction and he's kind and funny.

I think this is irrelevant. It's entirely up to the op if she wants to go 'higher' , and entirely up to the bloke if he wants her back.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A person who is good looking to you might not be to someone else and vice versa.

There are famous people who are generally considered good looking but I can't see the attraction at all.

The person just needs to be attractive to you. Can't be forced.

I studied as a mature student. There were 2 guys on my course (both my age) one was gorgeous and i really fancied him, the other average. Within months I didn't fancy the gorgeous one at all and had a mad crush on the average one. Their personalities were what made the switch for me.

I personally know that I need that mental connection moreso than the physical one. That's why online dating doesn't work for me. Anyone I am instantly attracted to generally isn't right for me. And no one on OLD wants months of being "friends" to see if a connection will develope. So maybe it depends on the person as to what attracts them more, looks or personality.

I think this is only an issue if you will only date Brad Pitt level “hot men”, and not “attractive casualty actor” level of attractive.

Obviously your ideal of attractive is going to differ from other people’s - I remember a boy I dated in my late teens, who to this day I think was just the most attractive man ever, and my best friend had no idea what I saw in him. Maybe you just have a very narrow type?

Are you sure it's 'hot men' that you're attracted to?
Or just certain features.
Looking at this list:
https://www.heart.co.uk/showbiz/top-sexiest-men/

There are a fair number that do nothing for me. Ryan Reynolds and Tom Hardy for example.

There's nothing wrong about being 'shallow', you can date whom you want but it is a numbers game and if everything else about you is decidedly average what differentiates you?

Unless you have a medical condition that prevents it very easy to get fit. And the majority of women (even celebs!) look good with a bit of makeup, as long as you have decent skin no need to cake it on. Take good care of your hair, wear clothes that suit and you'll be a bombshell.

Also be confident.

I can only speak anecdotally and of course I'm generalising here but you sound exactly like my sister. She's very attractive herself and says she can only date extremely good looking men. The only issue is that every guy she's dated has been an absolute pillock, known he's good looking and had a wandering eye as he's had lots of attention and not had to develop a personality as he's always relied on his looks. She's now in her mid 30s and desperate to settle down and have children but sadly it hasn't happened for her yet as she just keeps going for these guys that are totally incompatible with what she wants. Personality is so much more important than looks and attraction can definitely develop so I wouldn't immediately write off someone solely on looks but you do have to have some sort of connection.

I suppose do you mind men also immediately writing you off because they don't find you attractive? If you don't mind, then that's fine!

My attraction to DH wasn't immediate but definitely grew over time and he won me over as he was funny and kind. I now fancy the pants off him so attraction is a strange thing!