Melanie Sykes who has autism quit TV after bad treatment by men

[TomWambsgansSwans]

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/apr/25/how-melanie-sykes-quit-tv-after-bad-treatment-by-men

Melanie Sykes is in today's Guardian talking about her autism diagnosis and her poor treatment in TV.

She's got a new book out about it. I wonder how many other female presenters have had similar treatment from men in TV but don't speak out because they are scared of ending their career.

I don't understand your post OP. Are you saying MS was treated badly because she has autism (if not why mention her autism diagnosis) or because of her sex?

I expect there are other presenters of both sexes who have had poor treatment from colleagues (of either sex) but don't speak out because they are scared on ending their careers.

Either way, with all respect to MS, she has a book to sell, hence the article in the Guardian.

@BloodyHellKen I just thought it was interesting that she has quit TV, she has clearly been mistreated over the years.

Aren't autistic women more vulnerable to abusive behaviour from men and being coerced, as we struggle with interpreting people's intentions. I can relate to what she is saying a lot. I have had so many horrible experiences with men.

She’s talking specifically about how she was abused as a woman. Not because she was autistic. The only time she mentions autism is when she says she struggled with the feel of the earpiece in her ear, which really is nobody’s fault.

TBH I really don't know.

I imagine if you have trouble interpreting peoples intentions then you are going to have issues in all sorts of places and not just with men. As far as I know I'm not autistic but I've had horrible experience with both men and women in the past. Unfortunately some people just don't behave very well.

Autistic women often lack the ability to understand other people’s intentions and are vulnerable to gaslighting. They also lack friends who could provide a perspective on the abuser’s behaviour. When you’re isolated and the abuser is telling you this is ok, or even that it’s your fault - and you have nobody around to tell you otherwise - then it’s easy to end up in a bad situation. And if you’re isolated and the abuser is the only friend you’ve got, it’s hard to walk away from them.

Also consider that autistic women often struggle to find jobs or keep jobs, so they’re vulnerable to financial abuse and can become reliant on a partner’s income which makes them unable to leave. And abusive men purposely target vulnerable women - women with low self esteem and no friends or support system.

I’m autistic and I’ve stayed in an abusive situation before, simply because I had nobody else and if I left the abuser I’d be alone. I put up with abuse as the price of having a friend. And I’ve stayed in an abusive situation because as an autistic woman I couldn’t earn enough money to leave.

Sorry actually being autistic does make you more vulnerable to abuse. Yes I have many many issues. Jobs, bullying, being isolated, having no friends, estranged from my family, pretty much everything. But being in an abusive relationship with a man is devastating and causes so much trauma. I'm traumatised and so are my children from witnessing this abuse. Idk maybe people should research this before posting ignorant comments.

@Blamunge that's what I would have liked to have said! 😊

@Blamunge but she is talking about her autism and how this has affected her career. Not just about using an earpiece. She says how she was taken advantage of when she was 18 by an older man.

Just heard her chatting about this on Chris Evans.

Apparently with autism, it's 'wrong' to her to not be her authentic self. It's too fake. Men seem to be able to completely be their self within the showbiz world, but women are unable to, they get treated differently and forced into a pigeon hole. Be the funny one, or the sexy one. Be the empathetic one, or the hard lined, cold investigator.

I know what she means about having a breakdown. I'm in my mid 40s. Abused and estranged from family, homeless and attacked by other women. Had a 15 year abusive relationship with a man I didn't even love. As I had no one else. Literally no one. Another relationship just recently, I was in love with this man and he used and abused me for sex and money. I could not say no to him and it would take me ages to actually understand what had happened. He even threatened to kill me and sent me texts. I reported him to the police and police did nothing, no evidence they said. Last year after being referred to secondary care got told I fit autistic diagnosis. Woop woop just what I needed to hear. If it wasn't for my son's, (15 year old is definitely autistic) I would end it all.

I read the article and it’s more about how women are treated in the tv industry. She doesn’t really mention her autism apart from sensory difficulties with wearing an earpiece.

@Blamunge I don't really agree with you sorry. I got the impression the article was about her horrible experiences with men in the industry, which obviously other women will have had too, but the point was her autism had made her vulnerable.

The experience with the photographer when she was 18 and felt deceived and tricked for instance.

Just read the article, as an autistic woman I can see what she is talking about and why she wants to raise awareness. Much like the recent documentary by Christine McGuinness about Unmasking Autism.

One of my recent Special Interests have been about the link between being an autistic woman and how this easily leads to becoming codependent in an abusive relationship. The link is Masking, which leads to People Pleasing, then loosing your Boundaries to fit in and be accepted, meaning you easily become Codependent with people who take advantage of you and ultimately Abuse you. The Trauma then weakens you and often makes you ill as you develop Autoimmune Conditions from the constant state of Hyper vigilance and anxiety. I use capitals for the key words in my summary.

Then we have the whole cycle of abuse, DARVO, cognitive dissonance and being constantly gaslighted, lied to which leaves you absolutely drained, which means you can't see the situation for what it is and as mentioned earlier by PP, you are isolated and vulnerable and simply have no way out. It sucks but I am educating myself on the above so I can see it more clearly, understand and hopefully ensure that my DD doesn't have to live her life like that.

But the Masking leading to lack of boundaries and people pleasing is what made her extra vulnerable in a TV/Entertainment world that is already known for taking advantage of women? That is how I read it?

The link is Masking, which leads to People Pleasing, then loosing your Boundaries to fit in and be accepted, meaning you easily become Codependent with people who take advantage of you and ultimately Abuse you.
This is spot on. You’re lonely and want to fit in, so you pretend to be like others and copy their behaviours, and do what they want you to do, even if you don’t want to. Anything to be accepted. And you keep doing it because you don’t want to lose their companionship, because you have nobody else. Which results in you being abused. Abusive men often use this to get vulnerable women to agree to sexually abusive acts… and their defence is “but she consented”.

She's apparently self-identified as having Tourette's, too.

Didn't Melanie Sykes have a really odd/ oversharing/ sleazy public/ social media relationship with a fan who'd chatted her up on Twitter in the early 2010's?

She sort of faded to radio after that. I didn't realise she was autistic, but I did think that she'd shot her presenting career in the foot.

'Oi, Torquil! Are your trolleys on the right way round??' is still one of the funniest adverts ever.