Was anyone a young parent?

[Comfyclothesoncandleslit]

I was thinking back to when I had my son. It was 2007 and I was a young mum, well I was 23 so not that young but may have looked younger.

Looking back I had some very strange encounters with people that I can only put down to my age.

So for example when I was pregnant I remember one of the senior managers at work reacting with disgust to my pregnancy news and asking me "how long have you been with this one then". She didn't know me personally or know anything about me or my circumstances to make a remark like that I was so shocked I just didn't respond or mumbled something about my boyfriend. (I'd only had one, long term boyfriend).

When my son was 1 he was in hospital with an illness. It was nothing untoward. I stayed at the hospital with him and when he was discharged my mum came to pick us up. When he was being discharged the nurse was going through a few things and she said "and I suppose mum will be looking after little one" referring to my mother. I told her that this was not the case but she proceeded to go through everything (medication) with my mum rather than talking to me. As though I wasn't there. Even though we didn't live with my mum, my mum wouldn't have had a clue about any of it she was only there to pick us up and help us out with our things.

I had to go into hospital early on in the pregnancy with bleeding and got interrogated by the gynaecologist. Was the pregnancy planned, did I live with boyfriend, had we been using contraception, were we keeping the baby.

I wish I had been more assertive.

Having a baby at 30 was a totally different experience.

I had my first when I was 21, but this was in the 80s when I suspect that younger mums were more usual, and I come from a very working class rural area, 21 was not a remarkably young age to have a first child in my community. From what I remember I was treated OK, but I was pretty arrogant at that age, and also have resting bitch face, so maybe that made them more wary.

I had my first baby in 2007 at 20.didnt get any sort of negative feedback from anyone with the exception of a health visitor who physically held me in place so I wouldn't go straight to pick up my crying baby from the next room. Now I would totally assert myself but then I just patiently waited wanting to cry until she told me I could go.

I think some health professionals are just rubbish and some aren't. I had my last baby at 32 and they called me geriatric so it's swings and round abouts!

I was just 21 (like a week earlier) when I had my eldest. I was married, and worked in education. Mostly people were fine but GP and doctors were generally the most dismissive of me and pegged me as a young overly anxious mother. I wasn't, sadly I was right everytime.
There was also a HV who insisted on coming to my home weekly, saying this was normal. Found out later it wasn't, can only assume she was checking up on me because of my age 🤷‍♀️

I had my first at 21 biggest problem was I looked about 15 and my 26 year old partner git a lot of grief and I was regular assumed to be the babysitter or nanny.

Yes I can relate. We had our first at 18 unplanned but we took our new responsibility very seriously. Got our own place when I was pregnant, got married etc.
when I was on the maternity ward (in 2005) with my new baby I got awful treatment from the staff and the other mums on the ward. I'd just had a 48 hour labour with no pain relief (it was refused to me) my baby was crying a lot, I was new to breastfeeding and the mums were all Tutting and shouting at me from their beds, saying that I shouldn't have had a baby if I wasn't capable.
It didn't stop there, I'd get stares and comments from older women on the street too.

We're now both 36 still married, still great parents. Those women could judge us but I bet they wouldn't have coped like we did at 18 with no family support, no public support, no bank of mum and dad. But we managed it, my husband built a business from scratch and we now live in a nice home, have nice holidays and have raised 3 lovely daughters.

Had my beautiful boy at 17. Been married now 58 years all good

Not me personally, I was in my early 30s, but a 14 year old in my street is pregnant. First boyfriend who is same age. Her mum put a thing up on the streets WhatsApp group to say whilst it's not an ideal situation, it's happened now and she will be fully supporting them, and asked that all gossiping stops here.

I had my first at 19, second at 22.
When I was pregnant with DS1 the MW assumed I didn't want to breastfeed "even though its best for baby". I fed him for 20 months. When I was in labour with him the MW (not the same one) told me "if you hadn't been a silly little girl and got pregnant you wouldn't be in pain now" and then directed everything else at my mum. My mum did tell her to talk directly to me but she still didn't.

When I had ds2 people assumed they had different dads and didn't see/ know them.

I've had people tell me that having DC just for a council house is immoral. I don't even have a council house!

Someone told me once that they'd never have guessed I was a young, single mum because my children were so well behaved!

Bless them and thank god they have such a lovely supportive mum to do the right thing on their behalf.

I can definitely relate. I had DD1 in 1993 when I was 16. It wasn’t great..! A few examples; I was shipped off to a mother and baby home as my family would have nothing to do with me. I was there for ten months. In that time I was drug tested when I had the flu (cos obviously I was hooked on something), when DD wasn’t gaining weight and kept projectile vomiting, it was my fault because I was trying hard enough. She ended up in hospital for a week and they found she had severe GERD.

When she was 18 months old, we were at my parents house for a visit, (they’d kind of forgiven me by then) my brother left a child gate open and she fell down the stairs. At the hospital I was treated like a monster, I was grilled for hours about how/why. I was fortunate that my parents (very posh, well spoken and quite intimidating) arrived to back me up.

When she was 4, she came down with chicken pox. They initially came out on her genitals. I freaked out and got her an emergency appointment at the docs. The Doc sent us up to the hospital as she was convinced DD had been molested. The nurses face when she saw the spots, she couldn’t believe that a GP hadn’t recognised them for being chicken pox. She was furious. And extremely kind to my daughter and I.

I married DH when she was 7. The way people treated us changed over night. (DH was a senior officer in the RAF, so very respectable 🙄) DD has done really well for herself, I’m ridiculously proud of her. It’s also a great FU to all the people who said I’d never manage-there were a lot of them!

(it’s been quite cathartic writing that down. I don’t really speak about that time as it was all very traumatic. I often wonder if I have ptsd or something)

Became a mum at 16 in 2003. She's 20 in a few weeks. 2nd baby at 22 and 3rd and final baby at 23. (One miscarriage and 2x ectopic pregnancy losses resulting in both tube removal and becoming unable to have children naturally at 29.) So can't comment on being older having children and the difference bu4 being a younger mum I was never really spoken to in appointments, they would speak to the older family member with me instead. And my oldest daughter and myself still have people asking if I'm her older sister which is flattering but also annoying!

Had my first at 17 and the only issues I had with anyone was midwifes not believing I was in labour and one being a bitch after.

Then again in my third in the 20’s they still didn’t believe I was in labour. Like by number three I didn’t know my own body.

i had my oldest son at 18 but this was 1974 and moms tended to have children young then even though he wasnt planned, i had no attitude from any of the midwives they were all lovely had youngest one at 24 and to be honest not much difference

First at 19, second at 22 in 2005 and 2008. With my first it was all fine, except people seemed to speak to me simply and slowly, like I was a bit thick and might not understand them if the spoke normally.

nothing like that with the second. But to this day when I go to them to appointments I do get “and so who is this you have with you?” Directed at my dds and a slight raised eyebrow when they say I’m their mum. But hey, I’ve got to the age where I’m glad for my good genes and don’t mind people thinking I’m younger. I must have looked super young at 19!

I was only 19 when I had my DD,but I honestly don't recall being treated as if this was unusual. This was 1983,so maybe it was more common back then.

I had our first daughter at 21 and second at 26, never remember being treated differently to any other new mum.
My daughter had her daughter at 21 too, while she was at uni. I think she was met with a bit more surprise than I was but that might be because she was at uni and didn't have any money. All worked out well though as she got her degree, a great career and we've a beautiful granddaughter who is now at school.

I had my first at 23 in 2006. I don't think anyone treated me poorly because of my age. I have always been relatively assertive though and didn't stand for any ridiculousness from medical staff.
I can remember one midwife trying to convince me to breast feed (not happening for personal reasons) and when she couldn't get me to agree she tried to tell my husband we couldn't afford formula and he should put his foot down! They were both told to get lost😆

I phoned to chase my pregnancy test result and the receptionist said there were a few "young girls in my predicament" awaiting their results. I was 21 at the time.

Then in a new job when my son was 3 and I was 25, I mentioned him and was met with "My God. What age were you when you had him? About 15?"

I hoped they meant I looked young, but I couldn't be sure as I'd never met them before. If they did think I was so young, they were obviously appalled.