Moral dilemma: sky dive

[Fatmamslim]

Can't be sure if this more of an aibu, really. I suspect I would be unreasonable but I'm not very satisfied with the alternative. I suppose there's a chance there's no right answer to this.

I would like to do a sky dive. I'm craving a thrill and think it'll be an incredible experience.

I mentioned it in passing to the family- and got exactly the response I was expecting. DH and two kids totally against it and freaked out. DH prone to being anxious about risky stuff and the kids definitely feed off this at times.

I left it but am considering doing it behind dh back essentially. I'll tell him after when I'm safely back on solid ground so he doesn't have to worry that I might die because it'll already be done.

However I'd appreciate having them there, ideally in a supportive capacity!

Also in the interest of balance- I think if the roles were reversed, I think I'd be mad. However I also would not stop him doing something like this.

He won't stop me as such, but I also don't want to be the cause of fear and anxiety in him or the kids (they're 10)

So MN. Would I be a massive wanker to just not tell them when it is, not mention it again and go?

Yes, you would be a bit of a wanker to hide that you’re doing it. You don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission. Just book it and tell then you’re doing it.

That would be a real betrayal because you've already mentioned it and they've expressed their fear. So you have to book it then explain that despite their anxiety you're doing it. But do consider how you'd feel if your husband wanted to do something risky (or the equivalent for you).

Does he also get anxiety about you crossing the road or driving a car? Both significantly more dangerous than sky diving.

I think it’s the nicer thing to do to do it without telling him. Then he won’t worry.

Skydiving is ridiculously safe. Go ahead and do it.

But it’s not a risky thing to do at all.

I guess my concern is that, the build up will be stressful for them (and ruin it for me, selfishly) and make the whole enjoyable aspect of it null and void so what's the point?

Can you get some actual statistics together? A quick google showed this:

https://britishskydiving.org/how-safe/#:~:text=The%20all%2Dtime%20tandem%20fatality,carries%20the%20lowest%20risk%20profile.

I think it would be horrible to go behind their backs. Can't you wait a couple of years till they are older and the children and DH might see if differently?

No point telling them if all they'll do is worked and ruin it for you.

Do the sky dive and tell them after.

Worry*

You'll not just be doing a skydive though, but a tandem skydive. That means you'll be doing it literally with an expert.

Skydiving in the U.K. is very safe. Every SINGLE incident of anything going a tiny bit wrong has to be reported to the federation and there are monthly meetings to discuss them. And I do mean "tiny". And you can access those yourself by reading the meeting minutes which are publicly available. I can assure you they're extremely boring - in a very good way - because there simply aren't big accidents (thankfully).

Now, if you're an unfit middle aged woman who wants to get her skydiving certificate to solo dive, then there's an increased risk of you breaking a bone over a fit, 20-something male. That's to do with the force on your body at landing. When you land in a tandem though, you raise your legs in the air and your tandem partner does the landing - and takes most of the force.

I like skydiving. Love it actually and I know it's safe. I was going to get certified to solo dive. But I'm responsible for the daily life of my kids so I checked out all the stats I could find about injuries (Europe, USA and America) and things going wrong. Basically, it's possible to reduce the risk as a middle aged unfit woman - which already isn't huge, but it's there - but I don't have the time to dedicate to getting super fit. I decided I wanted to relax and have fun, so I have decided never to solo jump but always do a tandem, because then there's always an expert (plus no need to keep certificates and expensive gear up to date).

I didn't tell anybody I'd done it or was going to until afterwards. So there was no betrayal. My kids would have freaked out beforehand, which I think is a perfectly understandable reaction. I'm not sure in your situation that they'd be helpful to you being there - not sure they'd be supportive! My kids were a bit disconcerted to find out I'd done it. My life is limited by STBX and this was something that doesn't fit the role he's pushed me into, but is very much a "me pre-him" thing to do. Now they want to come with me! - I've said they have to be over 18.

I don't like the idea of going behind people's backs, but at the same time, it means you basically need your DH's permission for you to go. And as he's nervous he's going to make the kids worried too, which isn't fair on them. It's perfectly reasonable to give your daughters the experience of their mother doing something fun though, outside the norm and behaving differently to their father. I think that if you do it, you should pay extra to be filmed. You can then show them the film - if they want to see it, they may not.

And as I'm writing this I do think you should do it behind their backs. But do not mention it again at all beforehand. There'll be some upset , but you can stress you didn't want to worry them and you wanted to do it and you researched it (do look into it).

It is the most incredible feeling. There's nothing like it. I'm scared of heights too, but not from a plane! 😂

This is a real mixed bag!

DH is generally a wonderful husband who literally worships the ground I walk on, he doesn't limit me and he loves how ambitious I am, and the new found confidence to step outside my comfort zones to try new things in recent years. He is aware of his anxiety- and yes to a PP. He does worry about me on out of ordinary/long drives. It can come across as infantilising me but he corrects himself when this is pointed out to him. He's probably most guilty of loving me a bit too much 🤣

I'm leaning towards just doing it. Maybe mentioning it one more time as a "I'm going to do this" so I feel he's given fair warning and then just crack on when the opportunity presents.