I feel like a terrible mum

[Spencer2]

I’m just at my wits end.

My 2yo is testing my patience 10,000 a day and I need advice.

He is my absolute world but I feel I have zero control sometimes. Every single thing is ‘no’ or generally a problem. It takes ages to bribe him into doing anything and the tantrums can be horrendous. It takes an average of 1 hour to get him to nap/go to bed at night as he fights and fights and fights it until he can literally not keep his eyes open any longer.

I just feel like i’m always the bad cop as his dad gives him whatever he wants and never disciplines him. I will be honest and I hate myself for even saying this but I feel like even though I love him to bits, it’s like our bond is being affected by his difficult behavior and I dread going anywhere with him, but then I also dread being stuck in with him wrecking everything too!!!!

He just makes every day such a challenge and I don’t know how to manage the tantrums and his particular ways.

I also want to feel closer to him and build a better relationship with him. He asks constantly for daddy and nanny and as silly as this may sound I do genuinely feel like he doesn’t love me and would much prefer to be with daddy or nanny and it’s making me feel like utter crap and it’s pushing us apart as he asks for them constant.

Any advice welcome 😢

Its called the terrible twos for a reason. This too will pass.

Oh you’re not a bad mum at all. This is a bloody hard stage.
You and DH need to be on the same page.
Pick your battles.
Distract
Bribe when necessary!
Do this (thing I don’t want to) then we get to (do the thing I want to!)

It is a phase, but also sounds like you need to get his dad on board. Are you living together? Can you make sure you have more of a balance of routine and fun times between you?

Oh OP, it's bloody hard. DS2 hasn't made it to 2 yet and he's been hard work since birth!! If he can cry and moan about something he absolutely will. If there are 10 options open to him he'll want to do the 1 option not available - and protest loudly. Honestly, on the back of his first 22 months being so difficult, his "terrible two's are looking similarly challenging!!

All I can say is, they turn 3 one day!!

That and the fact I've seen what a delight my similarly challenging DS1 has turned out to be!! Keep going!!x

Do daddy or nanny do any of the boring "mum" stuff like getting ready for nursery/bath/bed etc? If not maybe they should?

Have you tried dropping the nap or pushing bedtime later?

Otherwise yeah, it's hard! You have my sympathy!

Read Jo frost confident toddler care. It's not new or trendy but her techniques are good if you have a wilful child who pushes boundaries.