Disassociation

[rustypoon]

I'm a single parent to two children 6 and under. We've had a pretty difficult time with me trying to work, lockdowns, long Covid, moving countries, and family issues - most of it has been incredibly hard going on the children but especially my eldest who is 6.
He seems fed up a lot of the time and is very argumentative, oppositional and rude. School reports are excellent so far though which brings some reassurance/comfort
However in the last 6 months, periodically, he has been saying that he feels that the world isn't real and he feels strange and like I'm not real. I have googled it and the term 'Disassociation' comes up, but he's only 6 and most articles say it starts in the teenage years.

What could he mean by feeling that I'm not real. It must be terrifying for him and I want to find a way to help him.

Sorry - 'Dissociation' is the correct spelling.

This used to happen to me from the ages of about 7 and stopped when I was about 19, it only happened every so often.. maybe twice to three times a year. It wasn't an upsetting experience and the episodes didnt last long, but it was the feeling of being there but not there if that makes sense..

I've no advice really other than perhaps of you are worried then to speak to a Dr and see if there's anything that they can do. I grew out of it and haven't had it happen for well over 10 years but as soon as I read your post it resonated with me xx

I think if you see other people as unreal and the world as cinematic, it's called derealisation. It can be scary, or I found it so as an adult, but I also think that lots of things that we think of as 'disorders' in adulthood can also manifest in childhood, often just because of stress, inability to control the world, misunderstandings, the world is hard when you aren't cognitively developed! One of my children had a couple of visual hallucinations at this age or around 8 due to trauma.

I would speak to the school about coping mechanisms. I wouldn't rush them into therapy or panic, if you can get support or help in the form of a specialist therapist all good but I don't think therapy is some magic cure and at this age, their worlds fluctuate between realistic and odd, imaginary and not, so it may be that this will go away over time, or it might get more intense in which case seeking help is advisable.

@Dreamingofasandybeach Thank you for your comment. I'm glad to hear that the experience wasn't upsetting for you and hasn't caused any long term issues. If you don't mind me asking, did you have any trauma as a child that you know of?
He seems calm when it's happening. He touches my hair and face and looks to see if it's real, amongst other things.

It can be the mind’s way of coping with emotional overwhelm- we all do it at times, so it’s not necessarily anything to worry about. A lot of these labels (dissociation, derealisation, depersonalisation etc) are sliding scales really and only get into worrying territory when it starts affecting day to day functioning.

But has he had enough support and attention through everything? (I know it’s hard when you’re a single parent and overwhelmed yourself). What’s he fed up about day to day? Is he bored or does he need more stimulation? Does he get enough quality one on one time with you and does he see his dad? Have you talked through what’s happened and how he feels about everything? If he’s argumentative, what is he angry about? Could there be bigger things he’s angry about (e.g. moving?) that might be coming out at tangents when there’s day to day triggers? Did he feel happy/sad about moving? Did you help him acknowledge the good and the bad about it?

Does he express that the not being real feeling is terrifying for him? How does he feel about it? Does he feel weird, calm, scared or something else about it?

You don’t have to answer all this here, just some thoughts to maybe talk over with him.

@Highdaysandholidays1 Can I ask what kind of trauma it was that triggered the hallucinations? I do believe there has been a few incidents in his life that could potentially have caused trauma. I tick many boxes for ADHD and so does he so that could be another issue.
I have also been thinking about therapy for him but like you say, it's not a magic cure.

Yeah not upsetting at all. For me it was as if I was dreaming and the episodes didn't last long at all. I wasn't ever seen by a Dr. No nothing traumatic seems to jump out at me that I can think of other than I was quite an anxious child. I have some blank spots when I think back to my childhood but I think that comes down to just having a bad memory and I don't think anything traumatic happened 🤔

Oh bless him, it's a very odd feeling but for me I wasn't worried and it didn't frighten me. I was able to function completely fine, and I got through school and college okay. Just a bit strange and I still wonder what it was now as never had a diagnosis 😕

All I can say is just be there for him and remind him this is all real and you are here and so is he. If you are concerned then do speak to someone. It seems like you've all had a lot to deal with so it's bound to take its toll on you all so could be just a bit of stress and this is how he's coping xx

@Heroicallyfound
I don't think he does get enough quality time with me but on the rare occasion
we do, it's magic and I wish we had more of it. We have wonderful times together and he's very calm and happy during those times. He often wants to revisit the things we have done , like kayaking at sunset, and it often comes up as his favourite memory.
They see their dad 1 full day and night out of 14 and he keeps in touch on facetime but he's not a great dad and can be pretty distant. They love him though and are happy to be with him - things are ok there now but he was violent and abusive to me (not them) so that is why we separated.
We talk about feelings daily and he's good at expressing himself. I have a good friend who sometimes he talks to and she says that it's amazing how he can verbalise how he feels but I have done a lot of work there by reading relevant books and always validating emotions (something I didn't ever have from my family). The depersonalisation or whatever it is, normally comes before sleep and he's quite calm and falls to sleep shortly after. His eyes glaze over, he looks worried and he has expressed feeling a bit scared before.
The move happened to be closer to relatives and move into a secure home of my own. I was heavily pregnant and he was about 18 months - although he seemed to cope well with it, I am not sure how my stress levels and the change affected him. Things have been hard - I had 9 weeks of total isolation during covid and I was quite ill so I couldn't really parent properly for big chunks of it.

@Dreamingofasandybeach Thank you x

''The depersonalisation or whatever it is, normally comes before sleep and he's quite calm and falls to sleep shortly after. His eyes glaze over, he looks worried and he has expressed feeling a bit scared before.''

The stage of sleep just before we drift off is called the hypnogogic state, it also has an opposite state as we wake up; and there can be a lot going on.
Does he have very realistic dreams, night terrors or sleep paralysis?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypnagogia

@Thelnebriati thank you, it's an interested theory. I'm just reading about it.
No sleep paralysis but lots of vivid dreams and nightmares.

It sounds very much like the hypnogogic state to me. I sympathise with him, it can be disorientating until you can figure out its a dream state, and the memory of the dream can carry on into the daytime.
One thing that can help is if you feel that way during the say, stamp your feet and say 'wake up'.

There's some more detailed info here;
https://www.healthline.com/health/hypnagogia