How do you deal with confrontation as an adult?

[Duckoo]

I’ve never been any good at dealing with confrontation due to low self esteem and being a pushover, but now that I’m learning to set boundaries I’ve finally started trying to stand up for myself. I have no idea how to appropriately deal with different situations now though!

How would an emotionally healthy adult deal with different issues in life? There’s always going to be some kind of drama cropping up. Shouting or insulting back is petty and pointless and ignoring or laughing at them makes me a pushover. So what’s the right response to deal with angry, crazy or unreasonable people that crop up in life? Especially the ones you’re forced to see most days so can’t just block/cut contact with.

Did you mean to be so rude?

Works well I find, a good old mumsnet one liner. And I encounter a lot of confrontation on the daily in my job. A lot!

It depends who it is and what it's about. Can you give some examples?

Icy cold but incredibly cutting is the way I go.

It completely depends on the situation.

A general one could be the Do you mean to be do rude?

But in general, i find calm, honest and head on is the best approach.
Passive agression and all that rubbish is just childish. Just call it out for what it is.

I had one ranting last week

I tend to watch them with head slightly tilted to the side with a sad half smile on my face

Say nothing. Let them rant and let it all hang unanswered....let the silence embarrass them

It depends on the situation.
How about plastering on a huge fake smile and saying, "Are you actually saying these words?" and then burst out laughing..ending with "Ah, Bless!" 😈

I think if you want childish behaviour to stop you have to act like an adult. “I’m sorry you feel that way but I won’t deal with anyone who’s shouting or screaming. Let’s discuss it when we’re all calmer.” Don’t get drawn in.

I have no issue with confrontation, but I think you should examine why you have so many batshit people in your life. Who are these people?

For me...inmates!

Rather than saying did you mean to be so rude, l would say "Are you having a bad day?" Lets them know you have notoced their rudeness.

But totally depends on the situation

Oh that’s a good one for the passive aggressive types, I’ll certainly be trying that one out!

I'm calm and extremely polite. It tends to highlight how poor their behaviour is.

Also, like a pp said, if they are just rude and aggressive I'm happy to say, "I'm not prepared to be spoken to like that. When you can discuss the matter politely please let me know".

Very calm and extremely polite was how I learned to deal with ranting parents. The louder they shouted, the quieter I became. They run out of steam eventually.

Go calm and still. Keep your face level and open, treat the person kindly and firmly. Act like you’re dealing with an overwrought 6 year old.

Sometimes just looking them dead in the eye and saying, “Are you ok?” can work.

I have a mentally unstable neighbour who’s always stood in the street barefoot in her dressing gown screaming at people and has been ranting at me a lot this week, never quite sure how to deal with that.

Also random encounters when out and about, angry people making rude comments or being CFs.

And then passive aggressive in-laws, but the did you mean to be so rude comment sounds pretty good for that!

I think the calm and unruffled approach works best, sort of takes the wind out of someone's sails especially if you're being provoked for a reaction.

I have got a lot better over the years , I used to be a bit of a pushover and a people pleaser but then something happened where I had to be quite strong and it changed me . I now stand up for myself . I sometimes say ' are you serious have you actually just said that ?' If someone says something ridiculous or that needs challenging let them then explain themselves

"fuck off or I'll give you a withering look"

I'm definitely not emotionally healthy but I hate confrontation and can't think on my feet quickly enough to win a shouting match. Generally I ignore - it might seem like being a pushover to some, but often the other person wants an argument so by ignoring them I'm not giving them that satisfaction. By ignoring I mean I give no eye contact, no acknowledgement they even exist.

I have also gone NC and ghosted people. If someone isn't bringing more positivity in my life than negativity, they have no business being there.

It works for me and lets me move on.

I generally back away. That sounds silly, but I know if I do lose my temper, which happens very rarely, I'll probably just cry. If I don't then I will say far more than I should.