Holiday after death of Mil

[M0ose]

After having a crap few months with my lovely mil who sadly passed away from cancer earlier this year I'm feeling a bit guilty of going on holiday to Fiji for my 30th birthday.
It was planned for over a year now long before she declined but I can't help feeling guilty about leaving my Fil by himself feeling sorry for himself. He absolutely does not want to join us as he says its not the right time since she only recently passed and their thing was to travel all over the world (I'm from Australia).
I really want to enjoy myself and can't wait to make memories with my husband and kids. It is our first holiday going on a plane with the kids and I'm excited to go to Fiji for the first time with them but for some reason I don't want to enjoy myself as I know my Fil will be down.

You sound like a lovely DIL. Go, enjoy and make memories. Your MIL would have wanted you to I bet. I'm sure your FIL wants you to all enjoy yourselves too.

Go and enjoy yourself. Your FIL has enjoyed travelling in his life so knows the enjoyment it brought him and your MIL, I’m sure he’ll want you to have the same joy from it. You’re FIL is going to take time to grieve and adjust to life without his wife, you not going on holiday isn’t going to change that.

Don’t feel guilty - your FIL wouldn’t want you to.

You can send him a daily card with a few sentences about the day and a drawing from the children.

Go. I didn’t know how long my dm had left but was spending a month in the Uk from WA at Christmas for dh. I went anyway. Df and db’s and dear, dear mum were of the attitude that you can only live your own life. As it happened, dm lasted another two months.

Since then, we have had a few big holidays but also little, local ones. Df gets invited on the local ones and he will usually come for a few days for an adventure and he doesn’t get invited to the bigger ones. It’s fine.

Is there someone to pop in a couple of times while you're away? Even if he doesn't need it, it'll make you feel better!

Go and enjoy. Keep in touch with him.
Spoil him when you get back.

Agreed, you sound ace!

They clearly valued travel, so I can't imagine FIL would want you to curtail yours

sorry for your loss. If you dh and fil are keen for the planned holiday to go ahead, then go and enjoy it. It is only a few weeks and you can stay in touch with fil while you are away. Make sure fil has someone in Uk who will keep an eye on him.

I remember when my parents died I had to keep going for my kids’ sake and it was really hard, so make the trip a good one for your dh and yourself too - give each other plenty of space and perhaps don’t expect to have the energy and enthusiasm you usually do. I find being out in beautiful nature is a great way to find peace and reflect on my bereavement so Fiji could be a place of healing and acceptance, perhaps.

Have a good trip, and bring back special memories.

Thank you all for your kind comments.
Mils loss has been a hard one for me. She was the only mother I could look up to and my kids only grandmother so it was pretty tough.
Fil would never want us to cancel and would like us to never make a fuss over him but I can't help my own guilty conscience.
Mil actually wanted us to spread some of her ashes in Fiji so she could be there with us but there are too many regulations to carry human remains and I don't think I want to risk trying to smuggle her on board! So thats another thing thats making me feel bit down

My MIL passed away last year (also Australian). We went on holiday about three months after.

It was a great reliever of stress after the horrible year we'd had. Although we didn't have the close relationship you had with yours, it was wonderful to see DH and DC relax for the first time in months. FIL was fine, others were checking on him. No one said anything remotely negative.

If your MIL was a traveller then she'd definitely understand. My adventurous, incredible GM passed away the night before we went on holiday a few years ago. She had made it clear (and to our family as well) that we were not to cancel if that happened as 'it was more important we spent time with our precious children than attend a funeral'. I felt closer to her on that trip, knowing how she would have loved what we were seeing, than sitting in a funeral parlour!

Go and enjoy yourself.

My mum died last year so I get exactly how you feel.

However my mum was very firm that we didn't cancel things because she would feel guilty (although dead!) and dad always said we should go because it's what mum wanted.

I'm not going to lie and say it won't always be at the back of your mind. But you will and can enjoy things as well as thinking of MIL and FIL.

In fact could you FaceTime FIL from there? Keep that face to face contact.

My MIL died last year, a week or so before I was due to go away. My SIL insisted that I still went, and she delayed the funeral until I was due back. She knew that her mum would be horrified to be the cause of me cancelling, and she was right. My MIL was wonderful. So I went and enjoyed it as she'd have wanted me to.