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Original poster

Is this person just very nice ? and I’m strange for not accepting compliments.

23 replies

screamifyouwant · 22/04/2023 18:01

A friend of mine came to work where I work she was more of a friend of a friend really . She’s lovely and I thought she’d be a pleasant person to work with but I’m finding her increasingly annoying partly because she’s so nice .
I know it sounds crazy but hear me out it’s the compliments and I hate them .
if it was I’d just been to the hairdressers and she said your hair looks nice or I had a new dress and was complimenting etc then fair enough but it’s not examples include.
she’ll say oh I like your bag / shoes etc even though I’ve been wearing them every day for a year .
i sang a song briefly one day she said oh I have a lovely voice , I don’t I sound like 2 cats dying .
she’ll say things are my idea at work or any suggestion and say what a good idea they are . I don’t remember them being my idea and one time another colleague overheard and said what so I had to quickly say I don’t think it was my idea . So then I was worried other colleagues think I’m taking credit for things which I’m not at all . It’s also quite cringy as I can’t decide if she’s taking the piss or is arse kissing but no idea why .
Recently it was how tanned I am , I’m really not she’s as white as snow I’m slightly darker but I’ve not been in the sun for months so not sure how I’ve a tan . She will interrupt me to just to say these things when I’m working so I just mumble thanks but inside I’m cringing like mad .
is she just very nice and I need to accept this is who she is and it’s my issue ? .
I suppose I’m suspicious of why and it’s so random it’s complete rubbish too .
I think if I went please stop it’s making me uncomfortable she’d be so apologetic and be upset she’s upset me . I have to tread carefully with her as is a complete worrier and over thinker and very much a people pleaser .

OP posts:

Suzi888 · 22/04/2023 19:46

I think she wants to be your friend desperately. Do you compliment her?

DancedByTheLightOfTheMoon · 22/04/2023 19:55

I bet you anything she probably doesn't get many compliments herself, but is generous anyway.
It is an act of kindness, take it with the intention it is meant.
She's just trying to fit in.

Original poster

screamifyouwant · 22/04/2023 20:34

She is absolutely lovely like I say , no I’m not a complimentary person unless it’s meaningful. I wouldn’t randomly say I like your top just because it’s nice to say that that’s not me .
im in work I’m there to do a job not pay compliments and vice versa .
im probably the opposite of her I don’t try and be peoples friend I’m take me as you find me kinda person otherwise I feel I’m fake .
I accept that she’s trying to be nice and I’ll be more tolerant of that although very much wasted on me .

OP posts:

itsmylife7 · 22/04/2023 20:44

Is she complimenting only you ?
If so, sounds a bit like she wants to be you.. think of that film single white female.

sparkiesparkle · 22/04/2023 20:50

I knew someone like this. Very soon she had guilted me into allowing her to monopolise my time. It ended when she claimed to be my "best friend" and was offended that I didn't agree with every opinion she had.

sparkiesparkle · 22/04/2023 20:51

And she claimed that I was "a bitch" because she had always been nice to me ...

LakeTiticaca · 22/04/2023 20:53

Does she do this with others or specifically you?
I think I would find it annoying after a while. Could you speak to her, in a nice way, to stop treating you like a Goddess? (Maybe not those actual words😉)

MathsIsFab · 22/04/2023 20:58

She’s just very nice , some people are like this , I’d love to be next to people like her , no one bloody compliments me at all 😒

I personally think it’s bit odd that you’re freaked out by her, but it’s probably your personality and it’s ok - please don’t take offence , just some people are very serious and it’s ok

if you find her really annoying I suggest you show it in a polite way so she gets the message and leaves you alone

Original poster

screamifyouwant · 22/04/2023 21:11

yes I probably am odd ☺️, not freaked out just cringing as it’s just me sat working concentrating and she pipes up with the compliment .
I don’t it’s sinister she’s just nice also if it’s not compliments it’s a lot of questions about myself and again I hate taking about myself too .
she is very much trying to make conversation and be nice nothing wrong with that but I’m a miserable person who just wants to work get her job done and go home .

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 22/04/2023 21:49

I also want to know whether she over-compliments others too. It might be it's just how she is, or it might be she feels really glad to have the job and is trying really hard to show you she's pleased.

I would try to find a way to put her off the constant talking. If it's interrupting your concentration just keep politely saying so. If it's not (and if you're doing the sort of work where some people do pass the time with small talk), maybe keep saying how what you love about this job is how you get to spend time with your own thoughts?

Original poster

screamifyouwant · 22/04/2023 23:27

Sorry yes i didn’t answer that yes she does over compliment others but maybe more so me .
she’s the kind of person who is good on one on one conversations but not in a group so I guess that I work closer with her it’s me she speaks with the most .
I’ve tried to be subtle and say I’m busy or answer with yes no so the hint is im busy leave me be but she’s insistent . Sometimes I’ve even nodded and once i just mumbled something and got up to go to the loo which I know is rude but on that occasion it was something silly while I was trying to work .

OP posts:

SpudsandGravy · 22/04/2023 23:48

Sounds to me as though she finds you a bit prickly and is trying to appease you. It's miserable not feeling comfortable with workmates. Maybe try to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Dithyramb · 22/04/2023 23:57

I would find that monumentally irritating, however benign the intention. It would strike me as the behaviour of someone with low self-esteem and poor social skills, who was under the impression that peppering someone continually with random compliments while they were trying to get on with work was how to make a colleague like you.

allthelittlelights · 23/04/2023 01:21

She might fancy you?

LadyJ2023 · 23/04/2023 03:28

Have you considered you may be coming across as rude and cold to her and she may have no clue why so says nice things. Look at both sides and find a compromise. And guess what just because you've worn something for years its always new to a person who has never seen it before they don't know how long you've had an item etc.

OldFan · 23/04/2023 03:49

I think she maybe is a bit socially awkward/anxious but is trying to be friendly.

AbsoIutelyLovely · 23/04/2023 03:52

There is a mum at school like this and she’s clearly very insecure. Inauthentic. Annoying…. And she has a hubby too. 🙄

your pal is insecure.

Topseyt123 · 23/04/2023 04:08

It does smack of insecurity from her, and sounds very full on.

I'd find it irritating and cringeworthy too. I'd be uncomfortable with it. I'm someone who likes my own space and to generally be left to get on with things.

I don't know what you can do that wouldn't be hurtful, but I'd want her to back off a little somehow or she'd drive me round the bend.

Ladybug14 · 23/04/2023 06:42

Shes insecure. She's a people pleaser and wants to be liked. She doesn't think she's likeable so she thinks complimenting everyone will get them to like her.

It would drive me nuts. Who is her line manager? Is 'chatting whilst working' something which could be brought up at an appraisal?

Heroicallyfound · 23/04/2023 07:04

It does sound like insecurity and people pleasing. It’s a trauma response (people learn to people please when people respond to them in scary ways, usually in childhood - they please to keep themselves safe, but it’s a strategy that doesn’t serve us in adulthood) - so be gentle with her if you can. You’re going to have to articulate how you feel and your boundaries. If you’re feeling awkward about that there’s likely a bit of insecurity and people pleasing tendencies in you too so be kind to yourself about that! Things that annoy us about other people often mirror what we find annoying or don’t accept about ourselves.

She might not be good in groups because there’s too many people to please with conflicting needs - it might feel overwhelming for her. One on one she can focus on pleasing one person and mould herself to that person.

She might be sensitive to the perceived rejection if you say how you feel, so I would do it in a way that makes it clear you still accept her (if you do!) but just explain why you’re finding her irritating. You can’t get it wrong though - if you don’t do it sensitively or you don’t have the capacity to accept her, the relationship between you might be tricky or break down, but she’ll learn her lesson eventually.

Soproudoflionesses · 23/04/2023 07:07

sparkiesparkle · 22/04/2023 20:50

I know someone like this too - doesn't give you space to breathe! Have slowly backed away!

Thekidsarefightingagain · 23/04/2023 07:27

It sounds like she's a bit intimidated by you and wants you to like her and uses compliments as a strategy. Maybe she's neurodivergent? If she is then this could stem from a lifetime of feeling like she doesn't fit in and she could have rejection sensitivity dysphoria which is making her a people pleaser. I think the best thing is to tread carefully but have empathy for how hard she might find social interactions and see things from her perspective. Once she is reassured that you really do like her and the longer she works with you I think she will no longer compliment you as much as she will feel more secure.

Original poster

screamifyouwant · 23/04/2023 14:29

Topseyt123 · 23/04/2023 04:08

It does smack of insecurity from her, and sounds very full on.

I'd find it irritating and cringeworthy too. I'd be uncomfortable with it. I'm someone who likes my own space and to generally be left to get on with things.

I don't know what you can do that wouldn't be hurtful, but I'd want her to back off a little somehow or she'd drive me round the bend.

I’m very much like my own space , speak my mind and I get along with others who are the same confident , know their own mind and don’t give 2 hoots if you like me or not . I’ve tried saying this subtly .
I’ve given her time to get to know this is me and I don’t need showering with unnecessary comments . I wouldn’t mind if it was a genuine compliment but saying I’ve a lovely singing voice when I’ve not especially when said in front of others annoys me I mean what would you say if someone said something like that when it really wasn’t ? it’s kinda embarrassing too when others over hear .
i’ve also thought she may settle down over time I’ve tried my best to encourage her as thought it’s a confidence thing as she often puts herself down but I’ve given up now . I’ve mentioned it to a friend and they suggested it’s who she is and you can’t change her and she may not want to change as thought building her confidence may help.
That’s absolutely fine I accept her personality however annoying I’ve had much much worse colleagues over the years but I feel she’s not accepting of my personality. I don’t want to be complimented constantly, I don’t want to be asked random questions. I don’t want someone to say nice things so I will like her . I respect people who have their own opinions, who know their own mind not someone like her no matter how lovely . It’s not how a friendship works imo .
saying that I except that I should be more patient and nicer to her .

OP posts:

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