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Original poster

Should I have called the police?

20 replies

Formulaiccalculus · 22/04/2023 09:21

My partner has suicidal thoughts. He has admitted openly that he would end his own life if he didn’t think his life was going to plan. I have found draft suicide notes.

He got very drunk last night. He told me he was going to end his own life and then he disappeared. I called 101 to notify/ask for advice.

He came home about an hour after, but the police came the next day to check on him. He is absolutely furious with me. Says I shouldn’t have wasted police time. But I was genuinely concerned he would do something.

OP posts:
FionnulaTheCooler · 22/04/2023 09:23

You didn't do anything wrong. I hope he is getting some actual help with his mental health, not just getting drunk and doing a disappearing act leaving you to worry?

notsayingmuch · 22/04/2023 09:23

Now he knows that if he makes these statements you will call the police. It removes a tool for manipulation from him. No wonder he was angry!

Chchchchchangesss · 22/04/2023 09:24

You did exactly the right thing.

chocolateisavegetable · 22/04/2023 09:28

You absolutely did the right thing

KitKatLove · 22/04/2023 09:28

I’d put it back on him, ask him what exactly did he think that you were going to do when he got drunk, told you he was going to end it all and disappeared? Sit and watch a movie?

Eightiesgirl · 22/04/2023 09:30

You did the right thing. I had a similar experience with my dh and I, initially, phoned the GP surgery as I didn't know what to do. They told me to ring the police, on 999, immediately, which I did.

Original poster
Formulaiccalculus · 22/04/2023 14:31

I feel a bit silly, but what else was I meant to do?

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/04/2023 14:33

You did exactly the right thing

Original poster
Formulaiccalculus · 22/04/2023 14:45

Thank you. It’s difficult to discuss when he’s still hungover. The weird thing was that it just came out of absolutely no where.

OP posts:
ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 22/04/2023 14:47

You did the right thing. You were hardly going to trot of to bed thinking "ah well, who cares if you're going to kill your self".

Can2022getanyworse · 22/04/2023 15:01

You 100% did the right thing op.

I once did this for my ex after several 'I'm going to do something silly' episodes that had me terrified to leave him alone. Once when I was 150 miles away, I've never driven so fast to get to him. The next time I called the police, he went apeshit and never ever did it again.

Gently, are there any red flags other than this op? Threatening suicide is a common theme in abusive relationships. Please take care of yourself, and if possible take a step back for a couple of days. This sort of thing takes a lot out of you, never mind adding the craziness of him going off at you.

Look after yourself.

HappyMe6 · 22/04/2023 15:08

You did the right thing op

Frith2013 · 22/04/2023 15:28

That might stop him being so manipulative in the future.

Freefall212 · 22/04/2023 15:32

Given he was very drunk, it is less likely manipulation and more likely that he said it in an intoxicated state and now doesn't really remember how he felt or what he said or why he said it. Intoxication is a trigger for impulsive suicidal attempts.

You did the right thing and should do it again if he says he will kill himself. In the meantime, since these are ongoing thoughts, he should get help.

CaptainSeven · 22/04/2023 15:37

You didn't waste police time. You did the right thing.

You called 101 and asked for advice. The police obviously chose to check on him themselves.

Especially as they visited the next day. That was their choice. You didn't ask them to do that did you?

You did the right thing.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/04/2023 16:05

Echoing the other posters in saying you did the right thing. If he does it again you are to contact the police again.

Either he needs to see his GP regarding his mental health, or he needs to stop manipulating you. If the only way to get him to stop these threats is by involving the police then its on him, not you.

How is your mental health having to cope with his suicidal thoughts? Can one of you leave th home until he's sought help and for you to try to get some distance from it all.

dad11122 · 22/04/2023 16:07

You did the right thing by getting help. I wonder why you rang the Police, was he breaking the law or was he in need of medical or mental health help? If the answer is that he needed mental or medical help then surely the ambulance service or Crisis team would have been better? I am glad that he is alright now and I hope he continues to get better. I am aware that police have powers of detention under the MH act and that they often deal with concerns for safety but that role is primarily handled by other agencies or emergency services.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 22/04/2023 16:09

dad11122 · 22/04/2023 16:07

You did the right thing by getting help. I wonder why you rang the Police, was he breaking the law or was he in need of medical or mental health help? If the answer is that he needed mental or medical help then surely the ambulance service or Crisis team would have been better? I am glad that he is alright now and I hope he continues to get better. I am aware that police have powers of detention under the MH act and that they often deal with concerns for safety but that role is primarily handled by other agencies or emergency services.

The police is who people are advised to call for suicide threats

vantagep · 24/04/2023 13:13

I could have written this post myself. I had to do something similar for dp. Not once, but twice in one night.

How have others dealt with feeling embarrassed for wasting police time? I genuinely don't think I had ever even spoken to a police officer before then.

MotherPandJ · 24/04/2023 14:26

Suicidal threats can be a form of control and really low quiet frankly. Is he diagnosed with any condition or under GP or MH care? I used to volunteer within a domestic violence service and many men used this as a threat to control their partners.

I would advise you to walk away from this man unless he gets help, I suspect he is just trying to control you.

My Mother used to threaten suicide, funnily enough she never did. I went very low contact as an adult.

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