WFH with kids

[OneOnEachHip]

Good Evening,

Does anyone here WFH whilst looking after their kid(s)? I know it's not the done thing and is frowned upon my employers, but... does anyone here do it? How do you find it?

Absolutely not.

It's a nightmare when it's the school holidays and mine are secondary school age. I can't imagine with younger.

I did it for a couple of years part time when DD was a baby; DP currently works a few hours each week with DD there.

It isn't necessarily frowned upon by employers. DP has had no issues - they know she works hard, and they know that if she honestly cannot manage, she would make up the time later on, or she would call me to look after DD. The latter's never happened yet. I don't WFH but my boss is quite happy for me to bring DD to work and have her sit with me, and I do this for short periods quite often. But we would both have found it impossibly stressful if we'd felt we were doing it on the sly.

If you can get permission, I'd suggest proposing contingency plans. What will you do if you really do have an emergency and lose an hour or three? Would you catch up in evenings/weekends? How would you protect non-negotiable work time (eg., meetings)?

It wasn't, though. I worked from home with my DD from when she was 5 months old, and that was in 2017.

I have a colleague who seems think what was ok during lockdown still goes. Because her manager is so distanced from what she does, I don't think they realise her dc are around so much, and interrupt her during important meetings. It's unprofessional and disruptive.

It really isn't. It just depends what your work is, and what you're like, and what your child is like.

So, you are asking us if it is okay to neglect your dc ?

Whilst, at the same time, taking a wage / salary for not doing your job properly ?

If you reread my OP you'll find I asked 2 questions. They are both very clear and simple.

I disagree, unless much older children. You can't honestly say you're being a good parents unless to you that's leaving your child alone for long periods of time (different of course if you're working while their asleep, if that's what you mean by 'it depends'). I look at my DC who plays very independently but still wants interaction and likes going out etc and now think back to my colleague and what a totally shit parent she was (at the time I didn't have children so didn't realise that aspect and of course just thought she was a shit teammate). As you can see I feel quite passionately about the whole thing, I truly think it's neglectful, cruel and very unfair on the child. I honestly think a parent should feel very ashamed for even considering it

We all understand lockdown was different. Seeing children on team chats was understandable and would have helped the children as well seeing faces, hearing voices outside of their household

these days it’s just annoying. How can your child be getting quality time and stimulation if you’re on calls/working all day. Kids coming home from school, you log off and catch up on emails later on I fully understand. That’s acceptable at my place. I had appointments for my mum. I put myself out of office for an hour or two. Perfectly acceptable

to be looking like you are working and taking care of a child below primary school every day, absolutely not

@Judgyjudgy, But why would working from home mean leaving your child alone, let alone for long periods of time? Surely that is what you do when you work outside the home?

And why would you not interact with your child?

At the moment, I take my DD to work and sometimes finish off work at home. From her point of view, she's planting up hanging baskets or snipping dead leaves off things, or she's gathering up pretty flowers to smell. She likes it.

When she was smaller, she'd be at rhyme time or climbing a tree or waving at my work colleagues and their children or their cats on zoom.

For me, working with a child there has always been part of an agreement that my work hours are very long, but also very slow. As long as I get the job done, that is fine. So if I stop working to spend half an hour setting DD up to do a drawing, or if I make a cake with her while I'm figuring something out in my head, that is fine. Certainly, where I work now, if I take DD into work, she loves it. It is actively educational and enjoyable for her to fetch me x number of things I need, and to help me work out how many of y objects we could use. And if she is bored, she can always go outside and play with other children.

Do you think it's possible you are assuming all jobs are the same, and if your job couldn't accommodate flexible working, that must mean all other jobs can't?

What on Earth is your job?!

I do, all the time. My employer isn't bothered at all. My DS is 12 and does his own thing.

@AngryBirdsNoMore - sorry, that was really confusing to figure out, because I changed jobs a year ago!

When my DD was tiny, I was an academic. I had some hours of teaching/lecturing, and I absolutely had to have cover for those. But most of the time, I was just trying to write papers, and it didn't matter when I did the writing, and an awful lot of the time, all I needed to do was think through an argument, which of course you can do while making a cake or planting bulbs or whatever. You know how most of your life with a baby/toddler is very slow? It works well.

Now, I work in a plant nursery (have done since DD was 4). I plant up hanging baskets, and DD can come in and help me do that. It's a small family business, and there are always people around doing something interesting, and dogs to throw balls for. I'm still part-time in academia, so I still also do the bits where I am turning over an argument but we're also playing Jenga. DD has always come to conferences with me and there are always other children too.

In 2010 I worked from home - huge corporation - and there was a rule you could not be responsible for children under age 10. If they thought you were doing childcare, they brought you back into the office.

Now, post pandemic - different big company - they cannot figure out how to set forth any rules about returning to the office or taking care of young children while working from home. There is no policy and the company is frustrated. To mandate anything causes people to quit. But now everyone knows it is virtually impossible to take care of children and work, but people are doing it, which means not working 100%.

Wfh during lockdown was a whole different kettle of fish to now. Back then it was hell trying to do it all, especially with a pre schooler.

My children are now 6 and 10 and are home 2 days a week whilst we work for 1hr 15m (they get home at 3.45pm whilst Dh and I work until 5pm), they’re fine, one of us gets them a snack and they play on a game or watch tele.

I work part time so during the holidays we muddle along and sometimes yes they might have more screen time than I’d like but at most I’m working for 4 hours a day 3 days a week or one of us is off completely while the other works a full day. So from 8-12 they will watch Tv in bed, get up we’ll get them breakfast, they’ll play Roblox or with their dolls, go out in the garden and one of us will work from the conservatory so we can keep an eye on them etc then I’m done and we do something in the afternoons.

Work gets done still, children aren’t neglected and they’re happy they don’t have to go to the crappy holiday provision or after school club anymore. My work are aware and are fine with it, as is dh’s.

Working full time during the holidays, especially the 6 weeks break with the kids at home wouldn’t work though, mine would spend 8 hours a day on the Xbox or fighting if we did that.

OK to do it with kids sort of 7/8 plus once they are at an age they can sort themselves a drink. And amuse themselves quietly for an hour or 2 after school or go out and play locally.

But I'd be loathed to have them kicking around the house all day in summer while I tried to work. Boredom is bound to kick in and that will be trouble.

But babies and preschoolers will absolutely do your head in while trying to work. It's really not possible, to give them the attention they deserve and demand and concentrate on work at the same time.
It's like doing 2 jobs at the same time.
Primary maths 2 into 1 just doesn't go!

I have only done it occasionally when I’ve not been able to take a day off due to deadlines when DD has been ill. It’s fine for a day if DD largely sleeping /watching TV but impossible if she is up and about and more well.

Colleague regularly works at home with her young teens there in holidays but they don’t need supervision. I imagine DD will be fine from 11+ for odd days in school hols but don’t intend to do it until then.

Generally most people do have to actually work and do things and produce some output, that's why they get paid for it. If you didn't really need to do much then you could easily be replaced by another person, a machine or if you're next to useless a pot plant! I'm sure there are some "jobs" where it's possible, but it's a fair assumption to say these are few and fair between, and you're being purposely obtuse to suggest otherwise. I'd say it's also a fair assumption given OP is asking her job isn't like you're where it's sounds like you can pretty much do what you want, when you want 🤦🏻‍♀️

One of my team mates got sacked this week because she kept having her kid at home when working, she's never available for teams calls and when she was her 1 year old was usually on her knee babbling or screaming or crying and you couldn't hear her talking.

We are expected to have childcare for young children (under 10) during our wfh hours. My youngest is 11 and I still arrange childcare or cover for him when I’m not on leave but it’s school holiday time. Otherwise he’s just sat plugged into his gaming stuff all day.
During the working week he gets back at 3:45 and I finish at 4:15, half an hour of him getting a snack and playing on his games or watching YouTube while I work is fine by me but it’s not something I’d want him doing all day, really unhealthy (for mind and body) and he doesn’t have similar aged siblings so they’re often out.
He’s at an age where I absolutely could work without him distracting me but I don’t think it would be fair on him.

I have done it on occasion with consent from my employer, when nursery has shut unexpectedly or my child is ill. It has been horrible. I have been a shit employee and a shit parent on those days.

Only during lockdown and it broke me.
You can't be a good employee AND an attentive parent at the same time.

What do you do in school holidays?

My husband works term time only so I have no childcare responsibilities during school holidays.

I can't wait until my DC is school aged and can go to those holiday sports camps instead of expensive (even with the 30 free hours) childcare.