Have you been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult?

[ShiningAsAlways]

I had a bit of a lightbulb moment with DD aged 8 recently, and realised while watching her that some of her behaviours that we find frustrating, she can't seem to help. I've been doing some research into this, and have been looking into ADHD.

While doing this, I have come across ADHD adult symptoms. I've always felt a bit of an "outsider", for want of a better word (and absolutely not meaning to offend, just a description of how I have felt about myself, not people with ADHD in general), but I seem to be "ticking" nearly every symptom on the NHS website for adults with ADHD. I can see that it might be something I have, and DH agrees I match the symptoms and it's something he has realised for a while.

This is all a bit weird and new for me to be honest, and I'm not sure where to go from here. I don't have a family who will be supportive of this (don't "believe" in ADHD in most cases) so talking to them about my childhood isn't an option really.

I'm aware that ADHD/autism videos are popular on the internet at the moment so I am worried about going to the GP and being dismissed as "jumping on the bandwagon" or overreacting to what are maybe common issues for people.

I just wondered if anyone else had dealt with this, and could share any experiences or info please?

I was diagnosed with autism last year. Had on and off mental health difficulties. We saw autism in my son and that's when things started to click with my behaviours

I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD (separately) in my 40s. I paid for private assessment after my GP dismissed the idea I could be autistic a few years ago.

It's been life changing for me to be able to understand myself and adjust to make my life easier.

I was in the exact same situation. I noticed things in my 9 year old daughter which tick the boxes for inattentive ADHD. She masks a lot at school so it has gone largely unnoticed. It brought back memories of myself as a child and suddenly so much made sense.

I have been taking sertraline for a while because I get overwhelmed and angry with everyday life, feeling like I can't cope. It's not effective so I've had the dose increased from 50mg up to 150mg - It's still not touching the sides. The GP kept telling me I had depression and anxiety but I really don't think that's the case.

The GP eventually agreed to refer me to be tested for ADHD but advised there was approx a 3yr wait in my area for adult diagnosis. I did some research and looked at potentially paying for a private diagnosis. I came across psychiatry-uk who take referrals via NHS right to choose. I sent the forms to my GP and within 2 weeks the ball was rolling.

Definitely go for it if you feel like it's affecting your life. Until recently, it was rarely recognised on girls and women so there are many, many people in the same situation which is why it appears people are 'jumping on the bandwagon'.

My family are autistic/adhd in various forms. I have an autism diagnosis. My dd has an adhd diagnosis so she can access medication (Lisdexamfetamine, it helps) and my dgd might end up with an adhd as daughter thinks this will 'avoid the stigma of autism'. Not sure adhd is more socially acceptable than autism, but perhaps it is.

Get your evidence together before seeking diagnosis because it's almost certain people will try to block it. I did it through the nhs, so it is possible, but I had to jump through all the hoops - 'counselling', 'therapy' and so on.

Thank you for these replies. It's good to know a diagnosis helped you all. Other then "here's the list of symptoms off the NHS website and here's the ones I match" what evidence do you suggest I take? My GP isn't great usually, but I've not had any experience with this stuff.

I've seen on the NHS website too, that children need to display symptoms in 2 settings (so home and school) but DD's teacher so far has said they don't see anything I've mentioned at parents evening except issues with her speech, so I'm not sure how far I'll get, although she sounds similar to your daughter @theginge. Thank you for the info about psychiatry UK, I've just seen they have a 6 month waiting list which I imagine is much shorter then normal.

I could have written this. I can't get a referral via the GP and instead got useless medication and therapy on the NHS for depression/anxiety.

I've found it's affecting my work and life more than ever - possibly due to perimenopause.

I would love to pay for a private assessment but when I looked at the potential costs for all stages through to medication I realised I really can't afford it.

I also raised concerns with school but they don't see it either. I know I'm not imagining it as I can see such strong parallels with what I was like at primary school.

Can anyone recommend an organisation to start this process of diagnosis please - pretty sure my son has ADHD - and would be happy to pay instead of waiting for NHS.

I tried 3 times over the course of 10 years to go through various GPs, and ended up just going private. Theoretically, the GP should not be able to refuse to refer you, as they are not qualified to diagnose, but I didn't know that at the time. NICE I think have some guidance on what should be expected?

I was diagnosed a couple of years ago, and I know what you mean, ADHD does seem to be rather "trendy" at the moment. However, I'm in my 30's, and female. It's just not something that would have been diagnosed when I was growing up because girls weren't. So multiplying that out for my demographic and the prevalence of ADHD, there must be thousands, if not tens of thousands of women going, "wait, that's not normal?" and now seeking a diagnosis for themselves.

I found it really hard to seek a diagnosis, as I genuinely thought they would laugh at me and say that of course I didn't have ADHD, I was just stupid and incompetent because I struggled so much, when in fact the psychiatrist who diagnosed me seemed fairly impressed with the fact that I was on my first marriage, kept kids alive and had a professional career when weighed up against my degree of impairment.

I would very much recommend a diagnosis. The meds are excellent for a start, but the validation is worth it as well. And it helps you understand your brain more and develop more coping strategies etc. Yes, other people struggle with disorganisation and procrastination and the like. It's the degree of severity. It's like someone who's occasionally had a touch of a headache telling a chronic migraine sufferer that "everyone gets headaches, so what's the problem, you just have to suck it up".

Regarding the upfront cost of a private diagnosis.

There is such a thing as an "ADHD Tax", I.e. the library fines, the unreturned Internet purchases, the missed payment fees, the promotion you didn't get around to applying for, the overtime or expenses you forgot to claim, the absolute fuck ton of coffee/diet coke/red bull drank on a daily basis to get through the day, the food rotting in the fridge you forgot about, the impulse buys, the "next day delivery" for yet another present you've forgotten to buy, the replacement birth certificates for your kid that you need for them starting school

From a pure cost/benefit, it has been worth it to me, several times over already. It is amazing how much undiagnosed and untreated ADHD costs a person.

I found it really hard to seek a diagnosis, as I genuinely thought they would laugh at me and say that of course I didn't have ADHD, I was just stupid and incompetent because I struggled so much I can relate to this so much. I feel like I'm being dramatic.

Also, this There is such a thing as an "ADHD Tax", I.e. the library fines, the unreturned Internet purchases, the missed payment fees, the promotion you didn't get around to applying for, the overtime or expenses you forgot to claim, the absolute fuck ton of coffee/diet coke/red bull drank on a daily basis to get through the day, the food rotting in the fridge you forgot about, the impulse buys, the "next day delivery" for yet another present you've forgotten to buy, the replacement birth certificates for your kid that you need for them starting school
Is like a huge wake up call for me. It's weird to see how much it could be affecting my life.

I have long thought I have ADHD in some form, but this really spoke to me.
For years, I referred it to my "stupidity tax". Fines for not declaring a vehicle SORN (is literally just ticking a box), the cost of not returning items, being short changed, rotting food (there is a tray of Mediterranean veg in my fridge right now that is liquid, also several cucumbers), all the last minute attempts at school homework and assignments, library fines (got to £300 at uni!), wasted money on various college and uni attempts.
I was under CMHT for years, so assumed they would have picked up ADHD. I was having treatment for BPD.
I want to get the ball rolling for an assessment.. but I can't do that either!

For those saying the school don’t see signs of it - my DD was assessed (privately) and the Dr said that the school had scored her very low in terms of rating her various symptoms (i.e. suggestive of her not having it) but then went on to describe a child consistent with inattentive ADHD in the ‘free-text’ questions - frequent day dreaming, wandering often on pretence of sharpening pencils / toilet breaks/ looking for something etc, struggling to start and finish tasks etc. I don’t think they would ever have picked up on it themselves - not a criticism of them, just that she’s not disruptive and she masks well. Probably quite common in girls, I imagine.

I'm autistic but think I have ADHD traits too, however I don't think there is anything to gain from going down the assessment route for me personally. I would recommend looking at https://www.adhdadult.uk, I recently watched an online talk by one of the founders and there is some info on their site about assessment. The key thing to be aware of is if you start down the private route you may struggle to get back into the NHS so it can be very costly if you want to go for medication. I think my son also has ADHD traits but again, he has other diagnoses that get him exam arrangements etc so I don't think its worth the stress or the cost of assessment for him as school won't be supportive. My advice for kids would be get them assessed at primary if at all possible as by secondary unless their SEND is leading to behavioural problems its very hard to get noticed and taken seriously.

@Jenn3112

, he has other diagnoses that get him exam arrangements etc so I don't think its worth the stress or the cost of assessment for him as school won't be supportive.

ADHD medication could make all the difference for him though?

I went to my NHS GP around 6 years ago who didn't refer me for an ADHD diagnosis. I went back and saw a different GP at the same practice a few weeks ago who has referred me. I then received a phone call from a Mental Health Nurse whose task it was to put my case to the ADHD panel to see if I met the criteria for a full assessment which I did. No one can tell me how long the wait will be though!

When you dig into it, it can be quite horrifying how many facets of your life ADHD affects. There is a correlation with T2 diabetes for example, probably connected to eating too much sugar in a dopamine seeking effort.

I only finally went for a diagnosis, and properly saw it through, when my kids were 4 and 2, and the house was in chaos, and I was stressed and angry all the time, and I thought that they deserved better than that. Apparently leaving school, having kids and the menopause are significant triggers for the symptoms being untenable/intolerable.

For a positive note. There are silver linings to the condition, folk with ADHD are generally brilliant in a crisis (because we're well practiced as changing the loo roll often counts as a crisis to our brains), and our creative thinking is unparalleled, in that we don't so much think outside the box, as there is no box. And of course the hyperfocus, which is neat when it kicks in.

There are some useful websites etc, that I think I lived on before going for a diagnosis, mostly to reassure myself that yes, I did likely have it. Have a look at Additude, and "How to ADHD" on you tube.

But seeking a diagnosis is probably one of the best forms of self care, and one of the best things I've ever done for myself.

I was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months ago... similar story to you, started seeing traits in my 8 year old dd and realised we were just the same...

I also have binge eating disorder and bulimia which I've been in and out of treatment for for 30 years with little success.

I found a psychiatrist who specialises in ADHD and the link with eating disorders who diagnosed ADHD. I'm now taking 70mg Elvanse and am starting to see improvements in my organisation and my eating. I had little effect from the lower doses of Elvanse. We start work on my eating issues next month.

I've found it all really hard if I'm honest and just starting to come out of the other side. When I first got my diagnosis I felt like I no longer had a personality, just a collection of symptoms and I'm still angry and sad about the energy I've put into treating my eating disorder over the years and how hard that has all been when I basically stood no chance...

We had decided to hold off seeking a diagnosis for my 8 year old until I was further along with my treatment and had come to terms with how I feel about things but actually she's starting to really struggle at school now so we're going to do that sooner rather than later...

I put off getting a diagnosis for about 4 years because I worried about the eye rolling/jumping on the band wagon thing too. I also have parents who don't believe in ADHD/Autism etc and that's played a factor (I've not told them about my diagnosis). I'm pretty angry with myself about that too!

So lots going on for me and being diagnosed has been the start of quite an emotional time. It's the right thing for me though I think, I feel positive that in the long run I'm on the right path.

Good luck.

What will a diagnosis change for you? The NHS is on its knees with ADHD referrals, from adults and kids, and in my area they are about to close the adult waiting list as it'll take 7 years, yes 7, to clear the current backlog.

Around 90% of people assessed are diagnosed as having it which makes having an assessment a bit pointless unless it's going to make a tangible difference in your life.

This has all been really helpful, thank you all for your responses. Going private isn't something we could afford really, and definitely not something I could justify for myself. I'd have to find the money for DD if I needed to though.

@Upwardtrajectory my DD sounds similar. She absolutely is not a rule breaker, so if she is told to stay in her seat then she will. She is like a different child at home though, as soon as she leaves the school gates she is the opposite to what she is at school.

@WhyWhyWhyDeliah I also struggle with binge eating, it's not something I have got help for as I'm too embarrassed. I can imagine how you feel after the diagnosis, I think I would be similar. I feel like I'd be getting my hopes up for a quick fix for all my problems if I did get a diagnosis, but I know in reality it wouldn't work like that.

@Cassiusclay honestly, I don't know, hence the thread looking for others experiences. From the sounds of it, I would benefit from medication. Whether I can access that without asking about ADHD, I don't know. For my DD though, I would do whatever I could to save her from the way I have felt for years and get her any help she needs.

Why bothered with a diabetes diagnosis, or going on a waiting list for a hip replacement? Suffering is suffering.

It's one thing to be "undiagnosed ADHD", and it is another thing to have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Even if you do nothing further after the diagnosis (medication, CBT, coaching etc), just the knowledge that you are neurodiverse helps. You can seek accommodations with work, you can put in better coping mechanisms than before because you understand why your brain works the way it does, you can start to forgive yourself for all your perceived shortcomings.

I am also of the opinion if all ADHDers were diagnosed, and those who wished it medicated, the rates of car crashes, drug ODs, prison populations, A&E admissions, etc etc, would go down and there would probably be a net saving to the NHS...

(I've probably come across argumentative which was not my intent, and I apologise, but I'm a bit drunk, and really passionate about how much my ADHD diagnosis and subsequent medication have improved my life!)

Without an ADHD diagnosis you can't take/be prescribed medication 🤷🏽‍♀️

My children are autistic and those years when we were on the diagnostic pathway made it crystal clear to me that I was autistic too. I’d always known I had traits but was horrified at the thought of actually having something “wrong” with me. Years later, after a paed appointment for my child, the penny dropped and I accepted that I was autistic. It was such a relief. I just thought “that explains a LOT”.

Weirdly, I’d considered that I had inattentive ADHD before I thought about autism. Probably because ADHD is the more socially acceptable of the two. It definitely didn’t feel like autism explained the extreme forgetfulness, terrible executive function, inability to concentrate when reading, the daily paralysis and inertia…

Ended up going private because I just couldn’t face having to justify my reasons to a GP. Because when you try to put it into words, it feels like nothing. But in reality, it’s everything and it’s so hard to explain fully.

Around 90% of people assessed are diagnosed as having it which makes having an assessment a bit pointless unless it's going to make a tangible difference in your life.

Well, no shit. It’s almost like people think deeply, for years, and do a ton of research before approaching a doctor for a referral/coughing up their savings for a private assessment. It’s almost like people are screened before attending an in-person assessment so that nobody is wasting their time?

But I know what you’re really getting at, don’t worry…

I have considered this for years and need help from knowledgeable people to tell me. Some of my symptoms seem much more hyper:

I’m v well organised in planning a holiday say, and will read everything, but then can be overwhelmed with other things I want to do and just shut down as it’s too much.

I didn’t pay a £2.50 parking fine once, ignored letters and a debt collector came. I have zero finance issues and don’t know why I did that. Done that sort of thing a lot but thought it was just ostrich syndrome.

I’ll walk into a room and in an instant see 20 things that need doing and like a lunatic dash round. I chalk it up to just tidying but feel like my visual recognition in a split second sees things other people don’t. Even if I chose to be lazy I can’t unsee it. I’ll get annoyed about it quickly as really I’m overwhelmed and can’t communicate it. The anger has got much worse as I’ve got older.

I have a senior job at work despite dropping out of uni twice and unfinished other courses. I read people/information very quickly and am considered someone to talk to, not an extrovert but sociable. Yet I really need my alone time and drink too much at home as I can’t switch off. If someone asked me to describe myself I’d say chameleon. I can put myself in most situations with a variety of people and be likeable, but don’t naturally enjoy it and they’ll never know me. Is this masking or am I just manipulative and a fake.

I write and rewrite and rewrite emails sometimes. Other times I’m like a maniac firing them off. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered with work things and will put off v important things to the point it causes me stress and possible issues. I am rarely a completer-finisher.

I have done really risky and truly bad self sabotaging things, people would be shocked and wouldn’t associate it with me at all.

So many things…