Lodger advice

Colourmylifewith · 21/04/2023 11:09

Chelsea26 · 21/04/2023 11:07

Hi all

We’ve got a lodger arriving next week for the summer, it’s a young lad coming over for the cricket season so not a ‘commercial’ arrangement as such but he is paying us a nominal rent.

I’ve never had, or been, a lodger so I don’t really know what the norm is when it comes to food and space etc, he’ll have his own en-suite room but what about communal areas, the kitchen etc? Do I clean him out a cupboard for his own food? Include him in family meals and charge him a bit more? I’m happy for him to make himself at home and join us of an evening but should I offer him the snug as his own living area?

I suppose in my head I’m thinking of him as another child for the summer that I need to look after but he might not want/expect that…

How old is he?

Original poster

Chelsea26 · 21/04/2023 11:10

Oh yes - good question. He’s 19 and coming over from NZ

OP posts:

Colourmylifewith · 21/04/2023 11:13

Chelsea26 · 21/04/2023 11:10

Oh yes - good question. He’s 19 and coming over from NZ

Awww lovely 😊
I would be led by him, have a brew when he arrives and give him a couple of options about his food and bills etc will work and see what he would prefer. He might be happy to have a bit of independence and won’t want much to do with you, or he might struggle a bit and find it hard.

parietal · 21/04/2023 11:15

I'd offer bed & breakfast but left him sort his own dinners unless he wants to be included in family dinners.

murasaki · 21/04/2023 11:17

Does the cricket club have any advice? When my parents hosted language students the school had guidelines on what was expected.

Original poster

Chelsea26 · 21/04/2023 11:24

Yeah I suppose it’s up to him and we’ll have a chat when he arrives and I guess it will evolve over time.

Sometimes it’s just DP and I here and sometimes it’s two or all four kids so I guess sometimes he will have to fend for himself and sometimes there will be a big dinner cooked but I just kind of don’t know what/how to charge him (I imagine he’s going to eat a lot!)

I can clear him out a cupboard in the kitchen just in case and maybe a shelf of the fridge? And actually we’ve got a small counter top fridge that we could put in his room too so he can have drinks and snacks up there?

Cricket club haven’t done this before as far as I know so it’s been haphazard to say the least!

OP posts:

Girlsclub · 21/04/2023 11:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Woofappreciationday · 21/04/2023 11:52

I have a 19 year old lodger(a friends daughter) at the moment and heres my two pence:

Make rules really clear... ie what if he wants visitors? My lodger has a boyfriend and we said it was ok that he stayed but what i didnt expect was that he would stay for a week and be here during the day... make it clear.

Smoking/ vaping rules in the house... what is acceptable and what is not.

What chores they will be responsible for... for example our lodger thinks the bin fairys empty all the bins and was waiting for the bin fairy to empty the bins in her room too.

CC4712 · 21/04/2023 12:00

I've never had a lodger, but relatives hosted similar aged students for years.

Agree with the above poster- make it clear what the expectations are in terms of visitors, overnight friends/partners staying, music and loud TV at night etc.

He may not know from the start whether he'd like to join you for meals, cook his own or end up being out with mates most nights. I'd therefore make it clear that it can be re-visited if things change.

Make him responsible for cleaning his own room and en-suite, and add him to the bin rota, mowing lawn or whatever other communal chores you have.

Original poster

Chelsea26 · 21/04/2023 14:47

Great advice re visitors and chores - thank you so much.

Didn’t even think of overnight guests 😮

OP posts:

murasaki · 21/04/2023 17:13

I imagine he'll be out most of the day in the nets etc, is it County level? They'd probably do lunch in that case. Otherwise as pps have said, a good chat over a cup of tea when he arrives should sort expectations on both sides. Hope it goes well.

cherrypied · 21/04/2023 19:29

It's a bit different to being a normal lodger .

I was this kind of lodger- washing - who will do it? Give him a time slot and offer to show him the first time.

Agree bed and breakfast (toast and cereal, hot drinks all day or provide his own?

Give him a cup, plate and bowl glass that are obviously his so they don't all disappear into his room.

Same for towels and bedding. I'd wash the towels and bedding once a week.

Mini fridge good idea - doesn't need room in the kitchen.

Friends over is fine but must leave by 9am /12pm and only once / twice per week? Or whatever you are happy with.

Adrienne23 · 19/12/2023 02:39

We took in a lodger 3 months ago to help with escalating costs due to the cost of living crisis. We had quite a lot of interest and are letting to a girl who told us she was an overseas student. She was polite and quiet and seemed perfect, however, 3 months in and, having ‘handed in her dissertation’ in September, she doesn’t actually do anything except stay in the house. Fair enough, you could say, she’s renting it, why shouldn’t she stay in all the time if that’s what she wants to do? The thing is though, we are both out at work every day, so the expectation was always that the lodger would keep a similar pattern. Being at home all day uses up more electric and therefore costs more.
When we interviewed her she told us she would be out a lot, if not studying, then spending time with friends, sightseeing (often overnight), yet she doesn’t do any of these things at all. When not in her room, she is in the kitchen, preparing very elaborate meals, sometimes over 2 hours a go, never quick and simple meals (like us), with every hob on, oven on, extractor fan, her own appliances, every single bit of work surface covered in food…I honestly don’t know what she does with it all! She tends to use the kitchen at prime times too, say, 9:30am - 11am on a Saturday and Sunday, 6-8pm in the evenings…she uses it way more than we do!
when she moved in we allocated cupboard and fridge space for her things, yet she’s ignored all that and has basically taken over half the entire kitchen with her things, yet there’s only one of her. It’s baffling.
She also never turns her room light off, it’s on 24/7. Aside from the cost implication of all the energy she is using up, I am starting to find her behaviour rude and disrespectful. Tonight, she was using the food processor making such a racket, at gone 11pm.
The trouble is, whenever I try to gently broach the issue, she acts like a startled rabbit then I feel really guilty and find myself apologising for even mentioning it (I am always quiet and calm, never confrontational).
Not really sure how best to proceed with this situation. Anyone else experienced similar with a lodger?

lamppost123 · 19/12/2023 02:52

Oh goodness disaster!

Ok firstly you need to set ground rules. It's your home and it quickly gets tiresome someone leaving the heating on and windows open, coming home drunk etc. what about cleaning bed sheets or using the washing machine.

This is what I would work on:

washing. From memory they usually have top loaders so you will need to show him how to use the washing machine. Set rules - eg 30 degree wash and not after 10 etc. How many times a week - or maybe you will do it for him?
cleaning his room. Eg rubbish bins, vacuum carpet, changing bed sheets. Perhaps you already have a routine and he can piggy bank on?
utilities. Energy crisis etc. what temp do you usually have the house and perhaps an electric blanket/extra blanket if he's cold?
food. Perhaps provide breakfast cereal, toast etc. maybe a weekly family dinner - helps with bonding?
bring him to the supermarket to buy snacks/coffee/whatever he wants? Give him a cupboard.
wifi password, make sure he has it

Really depends on the situation. He would be outgoing, shy, you may not be uptight, he could fit in etc....

lamppost123 · 19/12/2023 02:54

Adrienne23 · 19/12/2023 02:39

We took in a lodger 3 months ago to help with escalating costs due to the cost of living crisis. We had quite a lot of interest and are letting to a girl who told us she was an overseas student. She was polite and quiet and seemed perfect, however, 3 months in and, having ‘handed in her dissertation’ in September, she doesn’t actually do anything except stay in the house. Fair enough, you could say, she’s renting it, why shouldn’t she stay in all the time if that’s what she wants to do? The thing is though, we are both out at work every day, so the expectation was always that the lodger would keep a similar pattern. Being at home all day uses up more electric and therefore costs more.
When we interviewed her she told us she would be out a lot, if not studying, then spending time with friends, sightseeing (often overnight), yet she doesn’t do any of these things at all. When not in her room, she is in the kitchen, preparing very elaborate meals, sometimes over 2 hours a go, never quick and simple meals (like us), with every hob on, oven on, extractor fan, her own appliances, every single bit of work surface covered in food…I honestly don’t know what she does with it all! She tends to use the kitchen at prime times too, say, 9:30am - 11am on a Saturday and Sunday, 6-8pm in the evenings…she uses it way more than we do!
when she moved in we allocated cupboard and fridge space for her things, yet she’s ignored all that and has basically taken over half the entire kitchen with her things, yet there’s only one of her. It’s baffling.
She also never turns her room light off, it’s on 24/7. Aside from the cost implication of all the energy she is using up, I am starting to find her behaviour rude and disrespectful. Tonight, she was using the food processor making such a racket, at gone 11pm.
The trouble is, whenever I try to gently broach the issue, she acts like a startled rabbit then I feel really guilty and find myself apologising for even mentioning it (I am always quiet and calm, never confrontational).
Not really sure how best to proceed with this situation. Anyone else experienced similar with a lodger?

Yeah just get rid.

Get someone who doesn't work from home or isn't a student. Students stay up until late etc. if she's not working or studying, how much longer can she have a visa for? Don't your "right to rent"?

caringcarer · 19/12/2023 03:02

I'd tell him it's bed and breakfast included but if he wants he can pay a bit more and have an evening meal a couple of days each week or buy food and cook his own evening meal but make it clear he must leave the kitchen as he finds it. He can't make a mess and leave it for you to clear up. He does his own laundry including bedding. Agree on when he should use washing machine. My son's always did their washing including bedding on Sunday mornings when they lived at home.

Adrienne23 · 19/12/2023 10:59

Thanks, apologies, first time poster and I realised I’ve posted beneath someone else’s thread, sorry about that.

Calling · 31/12/2023 09:07

@Adrienne23 and @Chelsea26 , I have experienced those, albeit with different lodgers and you have my sympathies. My current one was a final year graduate student and now is here most of the time, which I wasn't expecting. His light is on until the small hours and he gets up late so I suppose he is enjoying freedom now. He needs to get a job or apply to study for a PhD, he cannot decide. He is pretty quiet but I would prefer if he went out more.

Another lodger , a woman, used to cook elaborate meals and take up the kitchen for two and a half hours in peak dinner prep hours, during covid. Chop, chop, chop, loudly. But that was the only downside and we are still friends, although I strive for a bit of distance.

I give them a cupboard drawer and a fridge shelf for themselves and say do use the kitchen tools etc. They bring a v few basic kitchen bits.

I would not have a 19 year old myself because he would turn feral!

Calling · 31/12/2023 09:16

@Adrienne23 I suggest that you set ground rules even though the lodger isn't new. Point out the cost of electricity and climate crisis etc, say could you please not have the light on 24 hours a day, etc. Good luck and ignore the startled rabbit expression.

Some lodgers have never paid utility bills, been responsible for cleaning, had parents who did it all for them and been cossetted by parents so really are naive. Some know but take advantage

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