Anyone else struggle with wanting time away from your child, but not wanting to miss out?

[Florencenotflo]

So long story short (ish) DH and I had a discussion recently, I've ended up with probably 95% of the mental load, on top of working full time. Child free time has also somehow swung massively in DH's favour for a while and I became overwhelmed. Our kids are 7 and 3.5 for context.

He's listened and he's taken on a lot of the tasks he used to do and is really trying. One of my pressure points was time alone. So Sunday DH has said he'll take the kids out, so I can have the day to myself.

Which is lovely. But now I'm feeling guilty and I don't want to miss out on a day with them. But I feel like I've told him what I need, he's listened, he's doing what I've asked and now I'm saying no. Does anyone get what I mean?

I'm being given exactly what I said I needed, but now I don't want it?

Hi OP I get it. I think though take the time he's offering. I think you'll enjoy it more than you expect. It might take a bit of getting used to but it will do you good.

Absolutely, you need to prioritise self care. It's also good for them to have 121 time with their dad. It's so important for everyone to have down-time. Enjoy.

The more you do it, the more you will enjoy it. DH and I each have alone time for a few hours most weekends.

Your children will see your DH as an equal parent and it will do wonders for their relationship.

Don't feel guilty; don't act like DH is doing you a huge favour. This is a new way of life for you all.

I struggle with enjoying time away from my DC too. We just don't do it in our house. I get what pp say but I don't think it's essential for every family, especially as you're working and dcs are in school/childcare (so you get a break from them).

What works for us is time spent together as a family but with DH carrying much of the (physical and mental) load. So it's not as much work for me, but I'm still there to enjoy them. There have been a few times when I've had to be away from them at weekends, but I miss them and they miss me. I do need a bit of time alone to get stuff done - I do it in the evenings when they sleep, so I'm not missing their awake time.

I get you. Few thoughts though - when I’m close to feeling burnt out it’s often easier to say it’s due to the kids and I just need a goddam break…but actually when I’m on my own I realise the mental load is still there and is much harder to ignore. It’s why I struggle with more than a bit of down time - I find it really hard to quieten my brain. It’s also quite a big jump, if you work full time you’ve lost half of your fully free days with them if he takes them out all day Sunday. Would he not be better just taking them out for a few hours while you do a specific activity (yoga, swim, run…whatever), or as a PP said, just being a bit more present while you both parent?