Why are men such faffers!?!

[TiredButDancing]

I WFH full time. DH works part time, outside of home. Theoretically, he does more of everything else as he works fewer hours. In reality, he does more than most men, definitely, but probably less than I (and most women) would (and actually) do if the paid work split was the other way.

Yesterday, he started at 9:30 so did school run. This meant I had that half an hour at home before I had to start work which I used to put a load of washing on, sweep and clean the stairs, tidy our room so that the robot vacuum could go on and finish up tidying the kitchen after breakfast (which I'd already done while making packed lunches etc as I had a bit of extra time).

Today, he is not working so it's his day to pick up the chores. He took an hour (?!) to do the school run (because he was doing something on his phone in the car), forgot the milk I asked him to buy so had to go back out. Since then, he's had a 20 minute call with our lawyer on something but other than that, has done nothing, the kitchen is a disaster area as dishwasher not unloaded so breakfast/lunch all over the place, he's supposed to be cleaning the bathroom and needs to walk the dog (incidentally, he was "cleaning" the bathrooms when I took DD to her activity yesterday but although we were gone for nearly 2 hours, he managed to only clean one and re-heat the supper I'd already made for DS int hat time).

Obviously, none of these not-terribly-onerous-tasks have been even started yet.

I KNOW that at the end of today he will be frustrated that on his day off he didn't get any time to just chill out. But he's currently scrolling on his phone leaning against the kitchen sink, with headphones on.

ARGH.

I know it's not all men. I know some women are as bad. But honestly, it's MORE OFTEN MEN and it drives me mad. Notwithstanding this post, I'm actually really busy today and I am struggling not to just take over. But I won't. And if he whinges later, he won't get any sympathy from me!!!!! (and then I'll be the bad guy).

I faff like this (but my husband is even worse). Difference is I don’t complain about lack of leisure time and neither of us complain that the other has wasted time.

it wouldn’t annoy me that he’s faffing (Although I would raise your faffing levels to match his) but whinging he’s had no down time when he clearly has would annoy me!

but whinging he’s had no down time when he clearly has would annoy me!

yes, it really is this. And then I find myself trying to compensate. So I nearly took the dog for a walk even though actually, I've got just enough time (as soon as I log off here) to do one important but minor work-related task before I go for lunch.

But that's on me and I'm proud of myself for not becoming a martyr.

any chance he's addicted to his phone?

My DH does this and it annoys me as well. He'll put something (I've pre cooked) in the oven and then stand there staring at his phone while it heats up - standing next to a sink full of dishes, and a full clean dishwasher that could be put away, and a countertop that needs a wipe.

Then once dinner is out of the oven, he'll stare at his phone while the children eat.

Then he'll moan that he still has to clean the kitchen once the children are in bed, like he's some kind of oppressed victim. No sympathy from me and I dont volunteer to help.

He also says he doesn't have time to go to the gym or exercise like it's my and the children's fault. I want to throw his stupid phone in the bin and say 'there- I just put about 7 extra hours in your day!'

I really don't think it's a gender thing. My mum is the world champion of faffing. My dad was very organised and efficient. The amount of time it takes her to leave the house is mind blowing. As a child I always thought it was some mysterious adult thing I would understand when I grew up. Its not.

No, the phone thing today is just one example and it's because of a specific semi-work related thing that he's obsessing over. One of the things I usually find so mind-blowing is that he won't get stuff done but has been andering around the house ALL DAY with no phone in sight. It's part of his really bad faffing he does.

DS has SPD and reduced executive function (planning and organising) and I'm pretty sure it's genetic to be fair. Don't even get me started on MIL!

But it's still infuriating.

On plus side, I came home, chores HAD been done and he was quite cheerful so he's obviously not feeling hard done by today!

I think that’s quite normal- he’s grumpy when he’s faffed not actually because he’s ‘got no down time’ but because he’s ‘annoyed with himself for wasting the day’. When he’s been productive he feels good and is happier and each thing breeds more of the same- it’s a cycle.