How do I sort my life out?

[Littlefuz]

After a lifetime of abuse, trauma and instability I now find myself in quite a pickle. My life has finally stabilised but now I’m a broke single mother to a 4 year old, depending on benefits and living on a rough council estate with the neighbours from hell, no qualifications whatsoever and I’ve reached age 30 without ever holding down a job for more than a few months. I don’t really have any friends, very low self esteem and I’m still not over my Covid issues after almost a year so I struggle physically.

I’m very unhappy and want to finally get my life on track but I don’t know where to start. I hate where I live but can’t afford to move, my mental health is shot to bits but I can’t afford therapy and can’t get it on the NHS, I don’t have any real friends but my poor mental health and physical problems prevent me from making new ones and I can’t work yet until the physical issues get better.

I know that getting qualifications is my first step and I’m working on that but it’s going to take YEARS. I’m so overwhelmed and feeling really hopeless right now. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? I don’t have anyone in real life to talk to about all this, I’m feeling so stressed and isolated.

Oh I am sorry to hear this

In your shoes I would start the qualifications and try to find a support group where you can at least make some decent contacts.

You have to accept the things you can't change yet and focus on the bits you can.

Keeping a journal of the steps you are taking may help, journalling is supposed to be very empowering.

Could you do any form of work from home to at least feel like you are making progress?

Also do you have secure housing? If so, even though the estate is bad, you are in a good place to make progress.

Hi

I'm so sorry you feel like this. Its also difficult as you've not got any support around you.

I hear you when you say it takes years for a qualification but the confidence you gain from learning will start almost as soon as you start. I'm an example for you. I started studying with The Open University and also started a small apprenticeship to help with my learning and before I knew it, I had finished 4 years and was thriving. I also struggled with everything you've mentioned (minus being a parent) and some more problems.

Start volunteering somewhere for an hour a week. Library, charity shop, local food bank. Anywhere where you feel comfortable. There are many like us. You can do this while your child is at nursery/school. You could even help reading at your child's school if you want.

I hope some of my advice helps you in the right direction. You're not alone.

Also whe you say you have no qualifications whatsoever - do you mean not yet got Maths/English GCSE? If so there may be some support you can get with starting out as these are priority qualifications.

I don’t think you have to get qualifications, you’re much better at getting an entry job first and then like me they pay for you.

I don’t want to sound harsh but genuinely consider if what you’ve said are real barriers that you can’t or you just don’t have the strength to overcome.

I'm guessing from your post that the area you are now living in is fairly new to you? If that's the case I would start by settling in to the community. I know you said you don't like the area but it sounds like you haven't a choice right now so I'd get stuck in - it's not forever but it will help you feel more comfortable.
So I would start by finding some community group or social group where you can start to get to know people and the area.
It probably seems a massive leap to start earning qualifications right now so you need to build up to that. Does your child go to nursery? Will they be starting school come September? Do you have some child free time to volunteer? Food banks, befriending schemes, charity shops. I live in a notoriously deprived area but there is lots going on, its just not often well advertised. Our GP surgery runs a social prescribing service which is a wealth of information regarding volunteering, free or subsidised fitness and gyms, kids activities etc.
Are there any support groups for your mental health nearby? In our area there are as well as some basic online support. Would engaging in something rather than nothing help you.

I know its a big list of suggestions and I hope you find something helpful in it.

Good luck x

If you can access therapy now why not use samaritans? You could call them at the same time each week and treat it like a therapy session.

To make friends you could use peanut or meetups.

I can see why it feels like you're in a vicious cycle but try to focus on improving one thing at a time rather than overwhelming yourself with impossible tasks. Would a daily walk help towards your mental health? A weekly call to Samaritans as pp suggested? Your MH is massive and if you can improve that other things might seem more achievable too. Baby steps.