Would you make an issue of this?

[DiamondLine]

I feel like I should but also does it really matter?

I have a friendship group through a hobby. We're quite an eclectic group with the hobby being the only thing most of us have in common. Very different social, edclucational and financial backgrounds.

There's a man I'm not especially close to but who is at most events and more recently has started organising some things. All good. He's nice enough, but is perhaps your typical middle class middle aged man with a touch of unconscious misogyny. I think he means well, but he'll mansplain when he thinks he's being helpful for example.

Anyway, imagine my name is Jane (it's not but another 4 letter name that's never shortened) He's started calling me Janie. No one has ever done that in my 50 odd years.

I don't mind as such, but it's not my name and I always address people by the name they introduced themselves by. E.g. I wouldn't call James Jim unless he told me that's what he goes by.

Does it matter?

How many times has it happened? I’d of correct the second time

Lots, only a couple of times F2F but loads of times in the group chat.

Yeah, it’s irritating. You don’t need to make a think of it, just say ‘actually it’s Jane’ next time. If he continues after that you can write him off as a proper twerp.

Yes, I think 121 and F2F I'd have done that without even thinking, but to do it in the group chat or in a group or to contact him specially to make the point makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be?

Yeah. Every. Single. Time. Unless you can cope, in which case, ignore.

Imo he is trying to imply your relationship is closer than it is.. Not necessarily a relationship more than a friendship one though...

Correct him everytime!

Or start calling him random names- Yes Bobby, Joey, Timmy etc.

It would matter to me because I can’t stand people mangling my name, and because people who do this after being corrected many times are doing it deliberately. It’s disrespectful. It fits with him being a misogynist and mansplainer. Interesting also that adding -ie to a name makes it sound more like a child’s name, which again is disrespectful because it’s infantilising you.

I had the opposite. I usually use a nickname and introduce myself by it. About 20 years ago some pompous, patronising twat of a man took it upon himself to start calling me what he thought was my full name, except it wasn't - think of me introducing myself as 'Jo' and him calling me 'Josephine' when my name is Joanna.

I was infuriated but didn't say anything - I bloody well would now I'm older and no longer give a fuck.

Yes it’s important
I have a name that can be shortened but I have never introduced myself as that, written in down as that or in anyway implied that a shorter version is one I would respond to
people are staggered when you ask them not to use the alternative name, some struggle to remember- at the end of the day it’s rude and should be addressed

Go for it - and no doubt he will look taken aback as if it’s not really a big deal - but it is, it really is

Hmm. He does seem to get called a wide variety of derivatives of his actual name, most I can't bring myself to use 😆 Think Dazza, Dal, whereas I use his actual name because that's how he introduced himself

I don’t think it does make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. And it gives others the opportunity to back you up / correct him if he does it when you’re not there. It also makes it very clear to everyone that you don’t want to be called Janie. You don’t want other people thinking you like it!

Yes, it matters.

Either it is an error in which case he'll apologise and amend, or he's doing it on purpose.

I'd say something (and have done at work when this happens to me).

I say exactly what a pp says: 'Actually it's Jane'.

I would def do this! I had a friend who kept saying my daughters name wrong so I started calling her daughter a similar name - she got the message!

In this case I think he is implying a friendly version of yours, if his name is John start calling him Jonny boy and see if he corrects you for badness 🤣

Deliberately getting someone's name wrong is unspeakably rude. Correct him, vocally and publicly every time. Soon he'll just look like a total twat to everyone...

See, I think he'd probably quite like that. Maybe he is trying to be more friendly than I'm feeling.

I'm called by my full name. It's good that I do because my husband's names has the same diminutive and if some one tries calling me that I'll ignore them.

I've only ever had two people call me by other names , one was an in joke as my colleague couldn't remember my name when I started and the other a boy at school. These were both names similar to mine but not a form of mine

my DDiL is the same. It's really rude to do this. Next time he does it ignore him until he calls you by your correct name.

I'd definitely say something, in fact I regularly have to. I have a long name that is shortened about 50 different ways, and I shorten it a more unusual way than typical so I'm constantly having to correct people. I don't understand why people struggle to just call people their name!

It wouldn’t bother me , I quite like when people adjust my name unprompted.

but it does bother you , so tell him nicely you don’t like his invented name for you.
He’s probably trying to be friendly.

I would like to be brave enough to do this. How long did it take your friend to realise?

How about asking him on the group chat who Janey is. See what he says.

I would see on the side of him meaning well and just say ‘oh actually, I prefer Jane’ next time he says it. If he persists then time for a harsher correction.

op…. What happened re the drink with the Oz guy you’d considered travelling to Australia for no strings sex after one exchange in 30 years????