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Original poster

If a friend forgot your birthday would you still buy for theirs?

26 replies

Homelyhome183 · 17/04/2023 09:32

DF forgot my birthday last month. No acknowledgement that she's forgotten it. Do I just continue as usual and buy a present for theirs or take it that they don't want to exchange gifts anymore? I don't want to make her feel bad.

OP posts:
morningamericano · 17/04/2023 09:32

I would just either get her a card or text her happy birthday.

ArcticSkewer · 17/04/2023 09:35

Does she usually buy you something? It's odd then that she totally forgot.
I never remember anyone's birthday but I find it stressful if people buy me things for mine as it makes me feel guilty. So, for me, I'd rather not bother
But if she usually remembers, maybe there is something going on for her?

AnimalAvenue · 17/04/2023 09:36

I would, because if she didn’t even say happy birthday, it’s more likely she just forgot rather than it being a sign she wants to stop doing presents. And if she’s genuinely forgot, it would seem unkind and petty to do this to a friend.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 17/04/2023 09:37

Does she usually remember?

Maybe she couldn't afford anything this year but didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I would have still said happy birthday though.

Snoopystick · 17/04/2023 09:38

I would send a card but not a gift

DeflatedAgain · 17/04/2023 09:38

I usually let one forgotten birthday slide. If it's happened more than once I would leave it 🙂

curtaintwitcher23 · 17/04/2023 09:44

Depends if she's in a comfortable financial position and genuinely forgot or if she did it because she can't afford to be buying friends presents anymore or doesn't want to and was hoping to low key let the tradition fazzle out.
You will have to judge it based on your knowledge of her but she might be relieved if you don't.

ZeroPlastic · 17/04/2023 09:52

Yes I would assuming there's not more to the story, and that you'd otherwise be keen to keep exchanging gifts. People make mistakes. The fact that she didn't acknowledge it at all suggests that it was accidental- if she wanted to stop exchanging gifts she could still have sent a card or text.

OTOH if you want to stop exchanging gifts, this is a perfect opportunity to do so- just send her a card.

Lcb123 · 17/04/2023 09:55

As a group of friends we agreed not to do presents. So much easier. We’d rather spend the money meeting up.

ExtremelyDetermined · 17/04/2023 10:01

My friends and I all let presents fizzle out years ago, it felt slightly awkward at times but on the whole was a relief, maybe she just wants to do the same. Send her a card.

Jellyx · 17/04/2023 10:10

She's maybe got a lot going on and has forgotten.
What do you normally do for her birthday? I would just do that and be gracious.

BarbaraofSeville · 17/04/2023 10:13

Take it as a hint that she wants to stop exchanging presents.

You can still acknowledge each other's birthdays and meet up for food/drinks etc but no need to buy things that you may not want or need, which is just wasteful and may cause one or both of you to spend money you can't afford or could put to better use.

AnimalAvenue · 17/04/2023 10:21

BarbaraofSeville · 17/04/2023 10:13

Take it as a hint that she wants to stop exchanging presents.

You can still acknowledge each other's birthdays and meet up for food/drinks etc but no need to buy things that you may not want or need, which is just wasteful and may cause one or both of you to spend money you can't afford or could put to better use.

My friends would just use their words to discuss stopping if they wanted to. 😬

If OPs friend wanted to drop a hint to stop presents, she’d have still at least said happy birthday. OPs friend didn’t even acknowledge her birthday, that says to me she just totally forgot. Maybe life got busy and it just slipped her mind.

Mardiarse · 17/04/2023 10:23

Have you spoken to her since, just general catch up, to get a sense of where you are in the friendship.
I’d maybe send her a card, or text, but wouldn’t buy a present, that should prompt a conversation and you can agree a way forward and hopefully establish if it was a genuine oversight.
I wouldn’t ‘take the hint’, or assume anything until I’d spoken to her about it.

Caddyautopants · 17/04/2023 10:24

My friend forgot my birthday last year. She ran inside the house and filled a gift bag with random bath bombs and then handed it to me as if it was preplanned.

I enjoyed it nonetheless but I wish we'd all let presents fizzle out. Its so awkward and quite the drag

Some of us have more money than others and the expectation and anxiety of gifts giving is uncomfortable

I just want a hug and a glass of lemonade / prosecco / beer and a cheers 🍻

Skybluepinky · 17/04/2023 10:25

Of course, sometimes life gets in the way and things get forgotten.

Original poster
Homelyhome183 · 17/04/2023 11:01

Thanks for all the replies. I've seen her since and it was completely normal between us. I think she just genuinely forgot.

I might take her out for lunch instead.

I think those saying to let presents fizzle out are probably right.

OP posts:
TealSapphire · 17/04/2023 11:24

Of course I'd still buy them a present as normal. I'd figure they probably just forgot, and I know they'd appreciate me thinking of them. Not everything has to be tit for tat.

Cakencookieobsessed · 17/04/2023 12:32

No I wouldn't, I'd see it as her way of wanting to stop with present buying. I don't buy for friends since we all had families of our own, it gets too much.

Vickythevan63 · 17/04/2023 12:34

I have let presents fizzle out with all but one friend.

A close friend who was keen to continue was ill 2yrs ago, so I took the chance to suggest that we meet for lunch or afternoon tea etc (our birthdays are a week apart) and that has continued (we both retired and have time).

I do however also have a friend from 35ish years ago, who I haven’t seen for 20yrs since her wedding (distance, I have kids, we have little in common any more). We exchange Christmas cards and a note each year, but for some reason she has re instated birthday cards (neither of us sent them for years!). I have no idea why she has re started it and I have decided not to reciprocate.

drpet49 · 17/04/2023 12:35

morningamericano · 17/04/2023 09:32

I would just either get her a card or text her happy birthday.

I would do this

Grumpi · 17/04/2023 12:38

Sounds like she’s genuinely forgot.

I forgot my best friends bday (well almost forgot), I only remembered later in the day when a post popped up online about it and I nearly even text her to say “why is so and so posting about your bday” when I realised it was in fact her birthday!!!! I managed to recover it quite well and hope she didn’t notice!

My point is that she’s my best friend and I care about her and absolutely would not purposely not recognise her bday but I genuinely did forget.

I’d simply text her and say would you like to go for a bday drink / meal, my treat. And then take a long a bottle of wine or some
chocs and a card. Then leave it at that.

Likely she’ll soon realise she’s forgotten yours and be mortified!

Gymnopedie · 17/04/2023 12:57

This time I'd do it as usual, and assume that she genuinely forgot. There's always a chance that when you give her her present she'll turn white and say 'Oh shit...' 😀Yes she may feel bad, but it won't ruin her life if you can laugh about it.

Sweetener12 · 18/04/2023 10:12

I'd get her a card or a smartshow 3d video to say Happy birthday, and then would go with what happens next. It really sounds like she has genuinely forgot and will remember soon!

IfDreamsWereWings · 18/04/2023 10:32

morningamericano · 17/04/2023 09:32

I would just either get her a card or text her happy birthday.

I would do this.

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