I'm struggling to write in my child's reading diary

[thecoperope]

I just can't do it. I have some sort of mental block and it's really stressing me out.

I read with my child, they read alone, we go to the library and have a load of books. Reading is great ,writing is great, comprehension is great, and there are no concerns.

Except the reading diary. I just can't bring myself to take the diary out if the tables a mess, but before I can do the table I have to do the sides and then after the table I have to do the floor and put a wash on.

And if I take the book bag away from the door, it doesn't matter how hard I try I forget either the reading book or the diary, or the bag. I can't find a pen. I just get so stressed when the stupid diary is present. what do I write? Good reading? every time?

We usually read at bed time when we are all in bed. pens aren't allowed in the bedroom and book bags are at the front door. It's natural for us to read at bedtime or in the day when we are relaxing on the sofa. these aren't pen rooms. Reading books and pens don't mix! Just let us read! Why faff about?

Why do I find this easy thing so difficult? I'm retiring the reading diary.

As someone who sees these reading diaries in school, lots of children fill their own in "read with Mum" or "read to Dad" often if the book is long and is read over several days they don't even need to write the full title so Diary of a Wimpy Kid is just DoaWK, then the page numbers. A simple set of parental initials will do and a date.

As someone who listens to your children read I would write things like fantastic intonation, able to read ahead for intonation, lovely fluency, read well, good word blending, brilliant reading well done (insert correct spelling of child's name) tackled some tricky words like "cumbersome" and we talked about what that meant, sometimes I may give them a target like read aloud which helps them, but always with a positive too.

You are listening to them read, they read independently too. All great. You can get a stamp if that makes it easier for you to fill it in but it isn't the end of the world if you don't.

Pre-fill the reading diary with 3 weeks worth of smily faces

The reading diary is just a symptom of a much bigger problem.
I think you need to speak to GP. The not a pen room thing is a worry.

I just make it up each week. Pick three random dates, add a title and sign it. I leave out the page numbers. Sometimes he will read a few times a week and sometimes never but it roughly averages out. I went down the path of forced reading with my elder children and they despise books now and haven't read for years so trying a different approach and it seems to be working!!

I remember struggling with this, because I was compelled to do it, it was suddenly a struggle.
One thing I did do which I felt made it worthwhile, was if there was an unfamiliar word I'd had to explain or pronounce, I'd note it in the box, then we could look back on these. I also had stickers, not even the special reading ones, just something the kids liked. So if a pen was elusive at that moment, I'd just slap on a sticker (we kept a sheet in the reading book).

Oh yes I forgot that on MN everything is because of ADHD or autism 🙄 silly me for thinking 'read to page X mum' everytime was beyond the abilities of most as MN seems so skewed in this regard and you wouldn't know if I had either anyway.

It looks like it's more than just the diary.

But start small: get your child to read to you (whenever it fits in your daily routine), take book down, go to where ever you keep pens, write "read page x-y, found abc easy/difficult, hated/loved story" sign and date. Put book and dairy into the bookbag. Go on with the rest of your day.

We stopped book diaries when DD went to Junior school. The school asked to continue reading to our children and get them to read loud to us but the main point was reading together, not a strict regime anymore.

It’s more than the reading diary.
And your stress, anxiety is being compounded by the additional tasks.
You are obviously able to be well organised so take reading diary ( and the others) when you put the children to bed. You are old enough to be responsible for a pen in a bedroom!!! Write pgs x to y ✅ dc enjoys reading.
Other diaries — completed ✅ If that seems too much print some mini stickers with different phrases. Task completed Task enjoyed Chapter finished and so on. Stick sticker on page.
Try some relaxation for yourself. Look at Michael Sealey on YouTube. Don’t play while driving though.

Keep a crap biro in the book bag. Nothing cool, it'll get lost, but nobody nicks crap biros.

I just write "read really well!" most days. Even if he didn't. I'm not a grass.

just tick or write lovely reading and you can back date them. The main thing is the practice not the comments. I keep a pen in the bedroom but also have a huge pot in the kitchen which is their home and I replenish every so often

I’d really encourage you to speak to your GP or a therapist. The cleaning / rearranging / obsessing over the diary are coping mechanisms you are naturally jumping to, to cope with something underlying like anxiety or stress or depression. I’ve been there. The mechanisms will only get more extreme - you will feel like whatever you’re currently doing isn’t enough so you will add something extra into the ritual. CBT sorted this for me within 8 sessions, I’d really recommend it.

Just do what I do - open homework bag on Monday. Decide on reading material for the week. Write in and sign everything required for the week. Sayonara reading diary.

You may find this interesting OP.

https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/what-is-pda-menu/what-is-demand-avoidance/

You may experiencing PDA which can affect your ability to cope with every day demands. For instance a transition from reading to writing. The cleaning sounds like stress cleaning to me. It’s your way of feeling in control when you’re overwhelmed by a potentially stressful appointment.

Have you considered you may have ADHD. Similar behaviour is exhibited by my combined type ADHD child. I do guided reading a lot in a primary school. All I need to see is that the child has read and to what page. Or a note to say book is finished, can child choose a new one. It's useful to mention if child is struggling. If your child is reading happily daily then just put "read x book to page x" and initial it. Don't stress about it!

Is a pencil ok in the bedroom? Can you stick a post it on the front door with a check list on it? If reading happens upstairs how does the book itself make its way back to the book bag by the front door? I didn't always remember to do it either Op, sometimes I filled it out when I arrived at school with the DC. I'm sure there's a middle ground for you to sort it by a little rejigging here or there. But it does sound like you are really stressed out so I hope you can give yourself permission not to worry about this one thing since your DC is doing well and you are encouraging their reading - which is fantastic and all that is really required of you. Better reading and not filling out the diary than not reading and putting a load of bollocks in it!

I have a standard comment ’great reading’.

I tend to do either immediately after coming downstairs after bedtime or last thing before I go to bed.

@Janedoe82 don't be daft. Restricting pens is perfectly normal. Taking pride in your home and not wanting pen marks everywhere us perfectly ok.

@thecoperope 💐 you need to get some help xx. The way you are thinking about needing to do abc before you can do (unrelated) xyz is disordered.

I didn't mind the reading diary because I have that kind of brain, I like the specific places to record things. But I struggle, really struggle, to choose, write in & post cards. Your thinking is more extreme & I think you'd benefit from some help xx

in your position I'd speak to the teacher & say DC reads every day & you to them, but right now you need a break from the reading diary as it's stressing you out.

Agree with pp that this is a bigger picture issue, as you’ve highlighted in your posts, OP. Could be autism/PDA or OCD. CBT might help. If you’re in the UK it’s unlikely you’ll get nhs help very quickly or at all. Do you have private insurance with work or otherwise? I’d ask for an assessment.

Fgs just sign the bloody thing. It's not hard.

Top advice, problem solved OP

I got my children to fill it in past the first term, no signing was needed. My year 1 dd1 wasn't reading aloud anymore so I left her to it (precocious reader) dd2 I listened to but her responsibility to write, good practice!

If it helps, we don't have the reading books as bedtime stories....we have other books for that and we read together often. DD's reading diary stays in her school bag in a folder with a pen so there's always one to hand. We do the reading diary once a week, she reads a bit of her books to me and I write in two separate entries (she always has two books) and just make up the dates as two separate dates that week. I don't worry about her reading all the book to me at once, just a couple of pages is fine.

She's in the top reading set at school and a very good reader so doing the reading diary isn't top of my priorities.....if she was struggling with reading I'd probably be a bit less lax about it.

You are not the only one.

I have to put specific strategies in place to tackle every single issue that becomes an issue. Writing in the reading diary was also a problem for me, so I put a pen in the car and I do reply slips and reading diaries etc in the car before we go in each day. It's like parking at school reminds me that it needs doing, so I go through the bag and fill in whatever needs doing just before he goes in to school. Takes two minutes.

If a reading diary makes it in to a bedroom here, it never comes out again. So they don't go up there. Reading happens at the kitchen table while I cook, then book straight back in the bag and by the front door again. This does mean they see the school boots as a chore and enjoy their own books far more, but until they can keep track of the book themselves, it's the way it has to be.

How old is your DC? My eldest had been writing her own comments since Y1, she writes what she liked about the story (not loads just "it was funny" or "I really love reading about horses" or whatever). Shows she's read the book and saves me a job. Never had any complaints from any of her teachers as she can clearly read, we are clearly engaged with her learning so...

I do agree with others it might be worth speaking to a professional. In some areas you can refer yourself for talking therapy directly without having to go through your GP - worth a Google? I relate to a lot of what you say about not being able to do a small thing because it becomes a bigger - seemingly insurmountable- thing.

Op I get it, I used to get an irrational feeling of anger for that utterly tedious task but I understand how in the wider scheme of things, it might act as discipline for the book avoidant parent to read with their DC.

However, for the many of us who have multiple DC, who have degrees and are highly educated and do a lot of stuff with their DC that does not revolve around a few tedious lines of a book brought home, there is a solution!

My DC learned early on how to forge my signature and from then on I never had to even look at those mindlessly tedious early books.

I told them when they were at degree level I would happily help out with their dissertations and theses, and I happily do.

I take my hat off to anyone who can sit there and write tiresome entries into any ledger.

The only books of primary school reading age I have ever been able to read with a DC are the ones that are actually interesting and/ or comical. I could set fire to the entire Biff and chip ones [ light hearted].

So make sure your signature and ' read well' is easily forged by your DC and you never have to write one again yayy!!