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Original poster

Staying out as an older teen

40 replies

BlanketPile · 16/04/2023 10:27

What age do you let them stay out?

Dd 17 wants to stay at a friends house overnight. This is a friend they met on the internet. I have seen photos so no chance of catfish/grooming etc, just that we havent ever met her.

This would probably be fine if they were local, however the friend lives 1.5 hours away. Dd has travelled and met up with them a few times, usually somewhere central then they catch a tube to her house and hang out.

Twice it has been mooted that dd stays over. I have said no both times.

Would you let your DD?

I understand we dont always know their friends and friends parents as they get older, but in think in our case it is the distance that is bothering me if something goes wrong.

OP posts:
Dyslexicwonder · 16/04/2023 11:11

pensionconfusion · 16/04/2023 10:30

I probably would but I would like to be able to track location of daughters phone and probably drop them off the first time.

Also get a phone number for the parents and address.

It depends on your daughter though and how sensible you think she is.

This parent's phone number and proper conversation not just text/whattsapp.

rookiemere · 16/04/2023 12:14

You can't ask for parents telephone number from a 17 year olds friend. It's not a play date.

Cleoforever · 16/04/2023 12:15

rookiemere · 16/04/2023 12:14

You can't ask for parents telephone number from a 17 year olds friend. It's not a play date.

This friends parents won’t even allow her to visit the Op!

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17 years old
Dyslexicwonder · 16/04/2023 12:56

rookiemere · 16/04/2023 12:14

You can't ask for parents telephone number from a 17 year olds friend. It's not a play date.

You can ask, DC can obviously say no and at 17 there isn't a great deal you can do. However I would explain that I wanted to know they were who they said they were, not some 30/40 yo. Google Brek Brednar.

FrenchandSaunders · 16/04/2023 13:05

It’s such a shit age OP. My DDs are early 20s now and I hated the 16-18 years. They are nearly adults but often act daft and need bailing out of situations.

Have a chat to her but I don’t think you can stop her.

waterlego · 16/04/2023 13:17

rookiemere · 16/04/2023 12:14

You can't ask for parents telephone number from a 17 year olds friend. It's not a play date.

Of course you can. I actually don’t as a matter of course, but that’s because I already have contact numbers for most of my DD’s friends. She has run out of battery a few times/not had a charger with her so it’s been useful sometimes to be able to message her friend to say: ‘Just wanted to check DD arrived at yours? Thank you for having her’ or suchlike. It’s not really a massive imposition to send someone a message like that, surely? (Whether it’s the friend themselves or their parents). I wouldn’t be annoyed or offended to receive a message like that where someone is just checking on their child’s safety.

rookiemere · 16/04/2023 13:34

And to be fair @waterlego I have done that in the past when DS staying over at pals. But this was aged 16 and he has recently turned 17, and I guess in my head that was a bit of a cut off age for doing that sort of thing.
However I can see the need for more safety checks with girls, plus DS is - I hope - intrinsically quite sensible, so I do trust him to be where he says he is doing what he has told us he will be doing as we're generally pretty relaxed. Any inkling of drugs and we would clamp right down.

waterlego · 16/04/2023 14:15

Makes sense @rookiemere, and I will have to gradually lengthen the apron strings with DD. She is sensible and trustworthy, but very dinky and possibly overconfident in her ability to protect herself! I know I’m a bit of an overthinker and catastrophiser though so although I sometimes worry about something happening to her, I do try hard not to let it show! She knows I have messaged her friends when I’ve been unable to get hold of her and she doesn’t seem to feel that’s overprotective at the moment. She is getting better at keeping in touch and updating me with her plans so 🤞 that sticks!

chanceofpear · 16/04/2023 16:37

I started uni at 17. As long as dd is sensible and is meetibg who she says she is i am totally unable to understand the issue.

Floralnomad · 16/04/2023 16:44

The thing is when they are 18/ 19/20 + and not asking you you still worry just as much , so I’d probably go with allowing it if you get given the address .

BertieBotts · 16/04/2023 16:51

If friends mum seems sensible enough I would let her. If you're really concerned suggest a sleepover at yours first?

Meeting online is quite normal these days, they are similar age and they have met up in person before. I wouldn't be happy with an overnight for the first ever meeting but this isn't that situation.

CurlewKate · 16/04/2023 18:21

Difficult. If it was a school friend you didn't know how would you feel then?

HamsterOfDoom · 16/04/2023 18:23

My 17 year old doesn’t ask me for permission to stay anywhere, he just lets me know if he won’t be home. I can’t imagine him asking permission, he is practically an adult !

HamsterOfDoom · 16/04/2023 18:25

He does have find my phone on though, so I could theoretically track him down if I wanted to.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 16/04/2023 18:28

I'd let her. She's met the friend before and been to her house before. It's hardly a massive jump to stay the night. At 17 you really need to be giving them space to make their own decisions whilst making it clear that you are there no questions asked if it goes to shit.

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