Whom do you tell your troubles to?

[GeriKellmansUpdo]

Like many people, I have a lot of troubles now, some I can't do anything about. Chronic longstanding disease in the family, which we have to live with.
DH is busy and stressed, and tbh I want our time together to not always be talking about our troubles.
My friends have their own shit going on and no time.
My mum is lovely but elderly, and I don't want to worry her.
Only sibling in another country
I tried private therapy twice ( as the NHS is useless for me) but I just didn't get on with it. One therapist seemed bored and disengaged, kept looking at her watch, and at those rates I wanted her full attention. Another didn't seem to understand the nature of this disease and kept making stupid suggestions, which are just not medically workable. I thought Samaritans were better actually, and at least free!

Sometimes I just want someone to say to me " You are doing really well considering all you have to deal with. Well done."

I have an NHS therapist who is excellent. But she's the best in 36yrs so...

I tell some of it to my sister, some to my mum but my mum is quite reliant emotionally on me.
I have lots of shit going on and sometimes the overwhelming pressure of it all just rises up into a panic attack 😥

My trusty journal. Somehow, writing stuff down makes it better

Journalling is a good idea. I also find keeping busy with my hands helps a bit.

I think after the pandemic and CoL crisis, most people have no emotional bandwidth to listen any more.

No one. My DH has extreme anxiety and is stressed all the time. Family & friends have they own stuff going on and are spread all over the world. So I just keep it all inside, go to sleep with a headache and wake up with a headache everyday.

Sorry to hear that @AtillasHuns. My DH needs to work hard to pay some of the extra bills we have incurred due to this illness, so I don't want to add to his plate...
Would exercise help you? I walk about 15 k steps a day when I am feeling anxious.

I’m religious so tend to off load everything on God when I pray.

Nobody. My thoughts and worries go round and round in my head.

My parents are mid-70's and they worry about the tiniest of things, and aren't emotionally available anyway. Friendships fizzled out during lockdowns.

Thanks @GeriKellmansUpdo and I’m sorry for you too. It’s exhausting is it it? I’m used to it though. I’ve always been seen as the quiet, dependable one so (unintentionally) took on the role of listener of everyone’s problems.

I think exercise would help....I just need to find the motivation.

No one. I'm a lone parent, I just get on with it.
I did see a wonderful counsellor once but I couldn't continue to afford £45 a week and lose 90 mins of time.

I have nobody who will listen.
I do try speak to DH, but he worries about things I talk about and it leads to him becoming anxious.
Im the friend whom everyone comes to with their problems, to offload onto. I've tried to speak to a few about mine, but they always revert back to theirs or don't know how to answer.
My mam and sister, neither want to hear, they get sharp and try solutions, but more often than not, I just want to offload.
Counselling has helped previously, but the waiting lists in my area are extensive and I can't afford private.
FB support groups can be intermittently helpful.

I hope you can find some way of offloading Op 💐

First of all op it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Well done for keeping yourself and everyone else going. That’s a hard thing to do but you are doing it and you should be proud of yourself. I hope things start to turn around for you soon.

As for your question, nobody really. My sister sometimes. But generally I plough through and tell someone later. They are usually shocked and always wish I had said something at the time. I would not recommend this as a strategy to be honest.

The small day to day things I work through my thoughts whilst running or gardening. Bigger things I've called the EAP service supplied through my work. Its been great just to offload and sometimes get a rational response or suggestion what to do next. I find EAP more reliable than the Samaritans.

DH because he needs to know what is going on with his wife. He likes to know. He almost always helps.

One close down the road friend. We tell each other, actually two but see one more.

One close friend on phone close enough for weekend visit.

One close friend on phone can do a midday school day visit if we can meet.

So between all 5 I generally get enough out.

All visa versa relationships.

My diary. Or, strictly speaking, various untidy sheets of paper that eventually get binned, and Word documents that also get binned periodically.

I loved therapy - my best was also NHS, but that came to an end. Even if I could afford to go private now, the available options seem really weak by comparison with her 😍

Sometimes Mumsnet or a spin-off group in Facebook. Mostly myself, though.

I feel the same due to the stress of an illness in my close family.

my Dh isn’t emotionally available and works billions of hours anyway.

my parents worry so I don’t offload. My sisters aren’t there emotionally either, or have their own issues.

I find exercise the key, although that doesn’t get it out, it just gives me the space to process things a bit better.

I too would like counselling…however the last one I went to ended up crying with me. Not really the best outcome and made me feel more guilt

I have a couple of friends I discuss things with sometimes, but mostly I want to enjoy my time with them and escape my problems.

I've just referred myself for therapy on the nhs as my head is always buzzing, I'm hoping for the best but if it doesn't work out I will pay for private I think. I need someone to help me make sense of what goes on in my head.

Gosh, there are a lot of us here. Well done to everyone, and hugs!

I find pets help, but I really can't take on more responsibility right now, so I just content myself with my neighbour's visiting cat.

I just pack up my troubles in my old kit bag and smile, smile, smile.

Oh, @Frazzled1502, that's awful! Poor you, a weeping counsellor must've really lightened your load 🤨

100 per cent this

I carry a lot of secrets and keep a journal, accessed online and fully locked down. I don't have friends I'd confide in (have found they were useless in the past) and I've also found NHS therapists to be judgemental and very poor at understanding so I give them a swerve now.

I'll often have imaginary conversations with myself in my head to talk things over, which is far better than talking it over with other people, as I'm more knowledgeable than most and give sensible answers!

Journal it is. I am also planning to visit my sister at the end of the year, if I can. I am not giving up on therapy; maybe I will revisit it.