Estranged from one parent. The other I'm finding it really hard to spend any time with. When I look back, I feel a lot of problems with my self esteem come from the things they say and do. I'm not close to my sibling, as we're very different people. It's not just my immediate family though. There is dysfunction further back, with all but one marriage ending in divorce and many sufferers of depression. I feel so completely fed up when I look at other seemingly loving, close, affectionate and 'normal' families enjoying life for the most part. Big family gatherings, trips to Center Parcs with extended family, holidays together.
When you know you only get one life and will never have this it feels quite brutal and hard to accept. My own marriage has now failed, in part because I had/have low self esteem and chose someone not capable of being a good partner, but also probably down to my own insistence on being closed off and keeping my barrier up. My kids don't get on with each other and are completely different so can't imagine they will be friends as adults. It all feels very hopeless. I almost wish I hadn't had kids and had ended the line with me. I don't feel I can offer my kids much and picture myself old and very much alone.
Does anyone else understand this? Feel so so hopeless for the future.