On verge of panic attack

[RoeK]

Full disclaimer: I have serious health anxiety. I mean serious and very debilitating - I've had investigations for a brain tumour, bowel cancer, throat cancer, lymphoma...the list goes on and on. After years of completely unsuccessful treatment for the anxiety I'm working with a new therapist and one of the things we agreed on was that I would leave any new symptoms for 2 weeks before seeing my GP, as 9 times out of 10 they'd always disappeared at the 2 week point. Obviously any symptoms constituting a major life threatening medical emergency were different (although frankly that's not always very helpful as things like chest pain and breathlessness are completely normal for me with my anxiety).

Anyway I am now completely freaking out over breast cancer. My symptoms are:

• extremely minor random pain in the left breast, in non specific areas. I cannot emphasise how minor this pain is. I think if I wasn't a health anxiety sufferer I probably wouldn't even notice. I definitely get the odd twinge in the right breast too but more in the left breast. The pain ranges from stabbing to muscular-ache type pain. This is not hormonal, I'm not at the right place in my cycle and doesn't feel tender to touch. No rash, not hot to touch, no swelling, no lump that I can feel (although my breasts are enormous so how I would even feel a lump I don't know).
• When I took a shower this morning I convinced myself my left nipple was flatter than the right. It definitely is slightly flatter and more rounded but it's not totally flat nor inverted. I have no idea whether it's always been like this - definitely remember noting one was flatter than the other before but I can't remember which one.

I am full on panicking right now but logically I know that people without anxiety probably wouldn't even have registered either of the symptoms above. Any words of wisdom?

Should also say I'm 33 with no history of breast cancer in the family.

I get those twinges too. I've had a few mammograms now, (I'm over 50), and all that's ever been found is some calcification of the bone from wearing an underwire bra! Once again, go with what your therapist says, I reckon. And try to occupy your mind with other matters.

Get your GP to examine your breasts

I’ve had health anxiety in the past it’s awful but one of the things i did was Imagine you can’t get a gp appointment and referral. Have a look at cost of going private, would you invest that much money for another health scare? Would you invest more money in the next one to have investigations to be reassured? I’m not trying to be unkind but when healthcare and tests are free it’s easy to just keep booking appointments would you genuinely have paid for all these tests if they hadn’t been available on the NHS?

I did pay for some private investigations but eventually found medication for the anxiety was the solution for me.

Try to think about something else. Distract yourself. If the pains are still there in two weeks then take action.

But it sounds completely normal and nothing to worry about at all.

Did you even read the OP?!

@RoeK read your own post back - if a friend had these minor / non symptoms would you recommend they see a doctor?

I'm supposed to wait two weeks to do this. If I had found a lump or had swelling etc I would have gone immediately, but I don't.

I have had so much medication for anxiety it's ridiculous. Nothing has worked. Even opioids don't work.

It’s not clear from your OP - have you had these symptoms for the two weeks that you and your therapist agreed you’d wait? I

No, it's been a few days. I might have had the flat nipple for longer, I can't really remember what it usually looks like.

What you need to understand is I have a history of obsessing over things and half the time it's in my head, it's not a real symptom.

Most of the investigations have been private, I got into quite a lot of credit card debt paying for them because I can't stand the wait times on the NHS.

Can you speak to your therapist?

She is unfortunately on holiday at the moment until the end of next week.

I do have diazepam for when things get really bad but it really doesn't touch the sides any more. I don't know why I'm like this. Nothing seems to work for me. I think I'm making progress and then I'm right back in the reassurance checking spiral.

All the "get your smear" "check your breasts" XYZ health campaigns are an absolute nightmare for me.

I know that I have read that most breast cancers do not cause pain. Do you have someone to talk to today? Are you able to get out for a walk and get for some fresh air or a visit to the shops? I am assuming you live alone?

I don't live alone, I'm married with DC. I'm working today (from home, I'm freelance), but I know the day is now going to be spent in an anxiety spiral. DC are in holiday clubs today.

How is your H with this? Is he understanding?

He is, but he doesn't really understand, and it's not fair of me to obsess out loud. I mostly do it in my head now.

I have barely had any pain at all today. I guarantee a normal person wouldn't even think anything of it at all. It's so ridiculous I can see it myself, and yet I can't get out of it.

@ShirleyPhallus yes, I did. But it's perfectly reasonable to have a breast examination from time to time. Can be helpful to know what's normal for you.

For me it's a huge trigger and reinforces the check/reassure cycle.

Have a look at this video on health anxiety;

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