I look unrecognisable don’t know how I got to this

[Joewasmyfave]

In the last 4 years gained 5 stone, I look haggard, bloated and like an old woman.
im 40. I’ve gone from reasonably good looking and nice size 12 to obese, pale, old ill looking could pass for mid 40’s or older easily.
I suffered a trauma and since have ptsd. Comfort eating and have comfort drank too. Just feel so sad seeing me now vs then - literally not the same person.

even if I lost weight I don’t think I can reverse the damage I’ve done to myself

Don’t be too hard on yourself - a trauma and PTSD are major things to go through. Sounds like you want to change, are there any small steps you want to take to change things for the better?

Thank you for replying ❤️ I want to change I’m desperate to get out of these bad habits I’ve started to walk more. Really need to stop the daily drinking and binge eating in the evenings though

I've gained 3 and can sympathise. Also had issues (medical mainly) but still.

I'm starting slowly. Aiming for a walk a day. Doing my nails and making sure I put make up on daily.

I actually cried yesterday as it's my friend's birthday coming up and the only dress i could find to fit was most definitely not in a size 10 like I was for years. I'm going to be so embarrassed seeing people I haven't seen for years who will honestly be thinking jesus, she's let herself go.

One day at a time. You can do this. You are not fat - you simply have some fat, it does not define you.

Walking is good, and if you feel you look too pale the fresh air will help with that.

What about something like swimming or yoga? That would help you tone up without being too harsh.

Maybe some new clothes? It doesn’t matter if you’re planning to lose weight and the clothes won’t fit in a few months, if you have a couple of nice outfits it might help you feel better right now, it’s easier to break bad habits if you’re feeling positive.

You absolutely can. Trauma and stress show on people. But then that fades again.

Get some alcohol free options and drink those. Keep your glass topped up.

Brush your teeth and have a bath instead of binging in the evenings.

Thats enough to change for now.

First step to sorting yourself out is recognising what's happened.

Hi all. I have been feeling the same, between divorce, exhs abuse, the pandemic and then losing my mum, I went from being someone who went to the gym 5/6 times a week was superior and toned to barely leaving the house, put on about 6 stone.

I was diagnosed with ptsd also. I have recently started to pick myself back up. This is what worked for me.

First I started drinking more water. Then increased my steps. But a bit at a time. I was doing about 4k a day. So the 2nd week I tried to do 4.5k.

I also bought some cheap skin care. Mainly Aldi and do my skin care every evening. I committed to doing at least that. Spending 15 mins doing something that was for me and would help a little.

Next I started prioritising sleep. Use my phone less, have an evening routine. I often wake in the night, but if I can’t sleep I force myself to rest. Put a podcast on, lay down and close my eyes. That took practice.

These things helped me feel a little bit better and other changes soon followed. With each change I have felt a little better which has a given me motivation to make the step. I have lost 1.5 stone in about 10 weeks.

You may need some professional support for the drinking and this may not work for you.

But if you do start making changes, you will see a huge improvement in your skin and appearance. But also remember that you are worth more than just your appearance. I had alot of counselling and professional help. And it has really helped me overall and helped me start making the small changes.

Hello OP, I am so sorry that you feel this way and are struggling right now. I think that most important thing is not to focus of what happened and why but to focus on the change. To make it sustainable, I too suggest small steps, but to make sure you do it regularly. I would make a schedule, quite literally of what you do and when and just make sure you stick with it. I think walking is the best as it is most natural thing to do (vs gym etc), also being outside will help you feel better. I find that getting dressed up and putting make up on helps me feel better too, so see if you can get into habit of doing it every day. I also take shower every day, both morning and night and wash and style my hair every morning. Good luck.

I'm sorry to hear you feel like this. I haven't had a trauma but feel I can relate to some of the things you say. One thing that really helps me is understanding that you have been through a lot and you have survived -that is amazing! You may have put on weight and let some things slide but you had to in order to get through your trauma. You should be so proud of yourself.
Now, I guess, you seem to be in a better place and are able to prioritise other elements of yourself- physical health and appearance. I'd keep it simple: plan to drink more water, eat more fruit/veg and be slightly more active (e.g. can you walk to the corner shop instead of driving?) From those goals, I would simply focus on whichever you will find the easiest and do that for 1-2weeks, then, maybe add in a 2nd goal.
Do you have a lunchtime at work? I try and have 1-2 lunchtimes per week which I set aside for self care. For me that is usually going for a walk or, having a nap as im utterly exhausted. It can be anything so long as it is 'for me'. Maybe you could have something similar?

Thank you all ❤️ can’t tell you how much I appreciate your responses. I have some lovely friends but they don’t get how I feel at all.
small changes is good - whilst I’d love to wave a magic wand any steps in the right direction is a good start I know I won’t be a gorgeous creature when I wake up tomo however nice that would be!
I’ve had a few mental health interventions emdr, various tablets and various counselling it’s definitely helped me managed better but not enough to combat the comfort seeking behaviours sadly

@Joewasmyfave I've been thinking about this thread, how are you getting on?

I totally understand and what helped me was incorporating teeny self care habits then ‘attaching them’ to other self care habits.
so I started with just having my nails painted now and again. Then thought I may try a gym, bought a super cheap membership and promised myself all I had to do was go there, walk through the door, walk a bit on treadmill and leave whenever. But I liked it so I’d stay, get my tunes on, gradually experimented with other stuff. Some days I’d go to the gym, then get my nails done. Revolutionary! Felt good.
after a while I thought I might try the hair so baby steps , first just a cut , then the hairdresser would suggest other cool stuff, little bit of colour etc. It was good, I’d outsourced managing a bit of my appearance to this hairdresser I trusted. So then once every few months I’d have a day where I’d go to the gym, have a hairdo, and have my nails painted. And then it felt so good sometimes I’d fancy mooching round a bookshop and having a coffee on the same day. Etc. And it helped!
because once you start to value yourself , you make better health and well-being choices.