How to say “no”

[bonzaitree]

For the first time in a long time I am in a position where I need to say “no” to social occasions.

This is for two reasons. Firstly due to some shit circumstances money is tight and I cannot afford to go out for dinners/ drinks etc.

secondly I am feeling v tired and overwhelmed with all the plans I have and I’m a bit fed up of it to be honest! I’m not enjoying the plans I do have knowing I cannot afford it. It sucks the joy out!

I don’t really want to let on that we’re hard up (yes I’m proud!) but I keep saying “no I can’t make x date” then people are coming back to me and saying “oh well move it then to when you can come when is good for you?” Argh!

How can I say no without revealing financial difficulties?

There is no shame in saying you can't afford something, if you don't say the real reason then you'll keep being asked.

I would honestly say that you are generally feeling exhausted and you are trying to be kind to yourself and give yourself the chance to feel better.

Or...just say 'no, I can't make it ' and keep repeating

"I've got a lot on and I'm not really in the mood for going out at the moment - it's nothing to worry about, and I'd love to catch-up when it's a bit warmer and brighter out!"

That's what I'd say.

Thanks for the invitation/ thinking of us but tbh we are prioritising saving for a summer trip/ home improvement etc. Would that work?

Unfortunately its just not going to work for me. I really appreciate the invite though and I hope you have a great time.

I’m in the same boat and have no ‘shame’ in saying that I just can’t afford it at the moment.

Yes it dints my pride a bit, but my friends understand and I would rather be honest with them, than make up some bullshit excuse.

This is a good one thanks. Also it’s true!

This. I've been in a similar situation for quite some time. Was initially too proud but eventually realised there was no gain so might as well be honest. I find people quite understanding and they don't then try to cajole you into changing your mind.

If I was your friend and you couldn't afford it, I would still want to see you, I would invite you round or go to the spoons instead or something. I would rather that than you felt you couldn't tell me.

I'd also give a reason -

Thanks for the invite. I'd love to but I've got loads on at the moment and feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all! I'd love to catch up when things are a bit less hectic though!

I know that no is a complete sentence and all that but you don't want people to think it's because you're 'slow fading' them and stop asking you!

What's wrong with admitting you can't afford it? What with the CoLC ongoing, few people have the disposable income that they did before. It is FINE to be discerning when prioritising where you'll spend...wealthy people do this too.

Why tell a lie when the simple truth will do?

I have said, "The cozzie livs is taking its toll on our income tbh, what with the price of food, petrol and utilities all sky high...we can't say yes to everything or we'd have nothing left."
I have no qualms about saying so. It's true. And sensible.

"I'm not in the mood for going out at the moment - it's nothing to worry about."

More leading and open to interpretation than just saying you can't afford it imo.

Your reasons are no one else's business.

"Thank you, that would have been lovely but I'm afraid it doesn't work for me. Have a lovely time"

Ideally follow up with a question which will distract whoever you are talking to, divert them onto a different topic.

Simples.