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Original poster

Older kids swearing around toddler

4 replies

SwearySweary · 12/04/2023 20:49

Offensive language below

Done a NC for this one.

I have an almost 2 year old and I’m a stepparent to their two older siblings who are 12 and 13. They live here 100% of the time.

I’m not a neurotic parent, but the two older ones are constantly swearing. Whether it be in general conversation or telling each other to fuck off, it is truly constant. I couldn’t even estimate how many times a day they say fuck, shit, cunt, retard, mongo, dickhead etc towards each other or to describe someone else. In addition to that, there are comments like “go fucking kill yourself”, which I hate.

My spouse and I are forever giving them into trouble but it makes zero difference. As they’re not my natural kids, it’s been up to my spouse to remove privileges such as phone, pocket money etc. It works for a short time (usually after a barrage of abuse) then reverts back to type.

My big concern is the exposure my toddler has to this. They’re picking up lots of things from us, and this will be no different. It knots my stomach to imagine them shouting out a swear word one day. I would be devastated.

I don’t know what to do. I’m at the stage where I have said we’ll need to limit the time the toddler spends with the older two, in an attempt to shock them into stopping, but that’s not where I want this to go, of course.

Send help!

OP posts:
Spambod · 12/04/2023 20:55

Why is it not up to you if they live in your house? Why do you and your toddler not have the same rights as them? Who put them and your partner in charge? You are the adult and caring for all of them, I would be coming down on them like a ton of bricks. They are children. You are the adults, this is parenting. Take the screens, take money, ground them. Be uncompromising about it and they will stop. Don’t allow you and your toddler to be bullied by these two in your own home. If you are weak on this it will only get worse.

Original poster
SwearySweary · 12/04/2023 20:59

Spambod · 12/04/2023 20:55

Why is it not up to you if they live in your house? Why do you and your toddler not have the same rights as them? Who put them and your partner in charge? You are the adult and caring for all of them, I would be coming down on them like a ton of bricks. They are children. You are the adults, this is parenting. Take the screens, take money, ground them. Be uncompromising about it and they will stop. Don’t allow you and your toddler to be bullied by these two in your own home. If you are weak on this it will only get worse.

It’s the stepparent thing. It muddies the water in terms of what I can and cannot do.

If they were my own natural children, they’d be sitting in their rooms with no technology, pocket money, treats etc. I would be able to keep that up until their behaviour changed. My spouse (their natural parent) is definitely more laid back than I would be.

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 12/04/2023 20:59

Spambod · 12/04/2023 20:55

Why is it not up to you if they live in your house? Why do you and your toddler not have the same rights as them? Who put them and your partner in charge? You are the adult and caring for all of them, I would be coming down on them like a ton of bricks. They are children. You are the adults, this is parenting. Take the screens, take money, ground them. Be uncompromising about it and they will stop. Don’t allow you and your toddler to be bullied by these two in your own home. If you are weak on this it will only get worse.

This

You have every right to lay down the law

You know what will bother them the most so if they are swearing when they do if they like money then it's a swear jar you need, if they like gaming then it's 10 minutes less on the game console, if it's hanging out with friends and they swear then it's not happening.

Pocket money could be a good incentive

And or every time they swear they have to wash a dish, hoover wtc

VinEtFromage · 13/08/2023 18:35

You have them 100% of the time, your rules. SC would be treat like non SC in that situation and they'd be told & expected to do as I said & consequences would happen if they carried on

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