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Original poster

Only child - holidays

16 replies

Sdgrth · 11/04/2023 23:19

I have a five-year-old DD who is very attached to her dad and me. She goes to Y1 and has a good group of friends which I often invite over for play dates etc.
This Easter, we stayed in a kids' hotel in Europe - with kids' clubs, kids' activities, playgrounds etc. but my DD couldn’t care less about any kids there (not even joining at mini disco evenings). She didn’t want to go to the kids club, and we wouldn’t force it, so she spent ten days without playing with any kids. The whole point of going here was for her to have other kids to play with. Is this “normal” for only children? She’s timid typically and introverted (which is fine), but given she doesn’t have a sibling or cousins nearby, I would like her to have a good group of friends and to be confident in making new ones. … any words of advice?

OP posts:
Saltired · 11/04/2023 23:21

My daughter was an only child at 5 and was like this. She’s now a bit older and makes friends in supermarkets. I think it’s an age thing.

Fairydustandsparklylights · 11/04/2023 23:22

Yes, don’t overthink this. She was happy on holiday with her mum and her dad. She sees friends all day, every day at school and activities. As an adult, I need a break from people too. She sounds like she had a lovely time. At any point, would you have wanted to go to go do an adult fun and forced to have a drink for hours with random strangers from the hotel? Or whatever the adult equivalent would be.

whatthebejesus · 11/04/2023 23:23

Aahh don't be too hard on her. She's only little. I have 2 - age 5&6. They love playing with other kids but won't entertain kids club or even any of the discos or such like on holiday.
They did however like to play with other children by the pool but only when we are with them and close by.

I think the marketing around children's entertainment can seem really good but the reality, certainly for me is that the more there is the more overwhelming it can be.

Don't worry - your little one will be absolutely fine x

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whatthebejesus · 11/04/2023 23:24

Sorry forgot to add - I am an only child. I was also like this when I was young. Happy to mix with people I knew. It took much longer to mix with kids I didn't know. I was very content with adult company

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 11/04/2023 23:25

DS has always been like this. Couldn't pay him to make friends on holiday. He's a bit introverted but has a good group of friends at home (now a teenager). To be honest, I have zero interest in meeting new people on holiday so I get where he's coming from!

Original poster
Sdgrth · 11/04/2023 23:29

Thank you for your replies! I hate comparing children but a lot of friends’ kids are very happy to spend their holidays at the kids’ clubs and make a lot of new friends on holidays. I am probably overthinking it because she’s an only child and don’t want her to miss out on social interactions. I had a lot of cousins growing up and she doesn’t even have that so I am as I said overthinking it.

OP posts:
BringItOnxxx · 11/04/2023 23:31

My DD was like that at 5 but by 6 she was more socialable.

HeddaGarbled · 11/04/2023 23:35

I wasn’t an only child and I hated most organised kids’ clubs etc. Shrieky children corralled into inane activities by shrieky play-leaders. I’d much rather spend holidays with my parents.

She’s got friends. She’s fine.

Roseinbloom20 · 12/04/2023 00:00

It's funny I was taking about this earlier, I was the eldest of 3 but I was painfully shy as a child (in the 90s) and me and my sister never wanted to join in with any kids clubs on holiday and just stayed with our parents. Our brother was born a few years after us and he was a real social butterfly and made friends with all the children on site and now my own DS is exactly the same and loves making new friends wherever we go anywhere! I however still don't want to mix and force myself to chat to his new "friends" parents 🙈 but during my late teens early 20s I gained a bit of confidence and can now talk to new people no problem and you would never guess I was the little shy girl x

Oopswediditagain2023 · 12/04/2023 00:11

I'm an only but was and am quite extroverted - possibly shy as a child but definitely not shy with other children. I was like this too, and just wanted to spend time with my parents on holiday really. I would have hated a mini disco type thing and been lumped in with other random kids 😂

TempsPerdu · 12/04/2023 00:19

Don’t beat yourself up about it. I have an only DD, who is also five, and I suspect she’d be exactly the same on holiday (we’ve never tried to put her into a kids’ club). She’s happy to go to holiday club childcare at home but normally either knows the setting or at least one or two other children there. In an unfamiliar place with a bunch of complete strangers she’d definitely want to stick with us.

DD isn’t especially shy, but is very fussy in general about who she makes friends with - partly temperament, I think, and partly that she hasn’t had the usual expectation of having to rub along with a bunch of siblings and cousins. Luckily the friends she does choose tend to be lovely, so she does seem to have good judgement!

Jank8 · 03/08/2023 13:59

We were similar but make the most of it, DS is now 10 and wants to be with his own age group rather than us, he still pays with us and has fun but holidays are harder finding somewhere he will make friends

Abouttimemum · 03/08/2023 14:04

My DS is an only aged 4 and exactly the same. He sits on our knee at mini disco time as he just doesn’t want to join in. I’m the same in all honesty and I’ve got multiple siblings, so I think it’s just personality, although I do worry about it all the time, especially when everyone else’s kids appear to be social butterflies!

Abouttimemum · 03/08/2023 14:06

I will add that I still have absolutely no desire to speak to or make friends with random people on holiday 😂

SparkyBlue · 03/08/2023 14:20

You are definitely overthinking this. Kids clubs etc would have been my idea of hell as a child and even an an adult I hate organised events. My eldest isn't much into the clubs etc either and doesn't make friends when we go on holiday (we are just back) even though she has a great circle of friends at home and no issues but her younger sister had a new bestie after our second day and would go to three kids clubs a day so it's just different personalities.

UsingChangeofName · 03/08/2023 14:27

One of my dn's was like this - and is still like this as an adult.

I wouldn't say 'shy' exactly, but just gets overwhelmed with people.
She now doesn't mix with her cousins (the rest of whom have a cousins WhatsApp and meet up sometimes independent of the Aunts and Uncles), and generally have a bit of banter together.

I'd say she'd fit right in on a lot of the MN threads. Wink

It is strange, as both her parents are chatty, friendly, sociable people - her Mum in particular will chat to people anywhere, and her Dad is someone who joins and belongs to things. DN doesn't seem to belong to anything, join anything, volunteer anywhere and is happy just going to work and staying in with partner. We're all different I suppose.

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