In-laws staying for 2 months!! How to survive

[BritishDesiGirl]

Hi, All

Next week my in-laws will be coming to stay in my home for 2 months!!

They are visiting for their son's graduation and staying for the extended period as they haven't visited the U.K for a while.

I have had a lot of anxiety and trepidation since finding out about their visit. Me and MIL have a relationship which isn't close and l would say definitely from my perspective l am civil and tolerant because of her past behaviour which is has caused my alot of pain and contributed to my depression post baby but even before then she was a factor in my depression.

She is very opinionated, can be overbearing, belittling. Cuts you off mid sentence and offers unsolicited advice. She interfered non stop in how my daughter should be raised.

I am asking for advice on how to hold my own while she is in my home.

For clarity, l am South Asian - Pakistani so there are expectations of what is expected of me as a daughter in law and which so far l have resisted.

Thankyou.

Do you have a bolt hole you can escape to if needed? Would you be able to spend some weekends with your parents or similar to get some space?

I'd make yourself and your DD a few weekend plans to get you out of the house if you can, that way you're not on top of everyone.

Is your DH supportive of you?

Gosh @BritishDesiGirl your MIL sounds just like mine. Overbearing, interfering, belittling and giving unsolicited advice. She's a piece of shit.

Try to be so busy with things that you get no time to pay attention to her. Meet friends, go out, protect your well-being. I know what it feels like to go through hell with in-laws. My MIL has been a huge factor in exacerbating my depression.

Happy to have a chat in private, I'm South East Asian too, Hindu from India.

Look up grey rock, it’s hard but just mentally detach and make sure you schedule some time in where you must simply go and do something without them. Are they expecting you to be there all the time?

Is there somewhere you can drop them for a couple of nights? Do they have other family they may want to stay with in the UK?

Op we all have expectations on us how to behave. I'm glad you have resisted, I would draw a personal line in the sand and keep to it.
Push back verbally, calm but firm like small child.
No mil, thanks for adding me that suggestions but we do not.... I repeat we do not do that here.

Zombie thread. Hopefully this MIL will be long since back home.

you can't. nobody can survive that

Oh thank goodness for that! I wonder how it was found?

I wouldn’t start now with any expectations you don’t already do.

In laws are due here soon for a few weeks (not 2 months though!). They haven’t seen Ds is ages, so they can happily take him out alone 1-2 times a week, they like swimming so taking him swimming will pass a few hours. Maybe yours can do similar with children?

Also I try and have everything in their room so they can have alone tv time or whatever an hour or so. So room has small table and chair so fil can read paper and have coffee in peace, tv if they want something bizarre on at 9pm, selection of books and magazines.

ZOMBIES get found because they're now highlighted at the bottom of similar threads with key words.

OP, I wonder why you agreed to this visit? It seems like an unnecessarily long time. A couple of weeks, maybe... but two months! Will your husband be looking after them? Please manage his expectations so he understands he will need to entertain them himself.

Also, does he know the impact of your MIL on your wellbeing? I'd be crystal clear with him on that front, and ask for his full support when his parents are with you. I hope ge won't be siding with them.

Make your life as easy as possible. So cook the basis of a curry and freeze it, that way when you make the meal it will save you time. Do use leftovers for the next days lunch. If they are used to cooked breakfasts which they probably are then keep it simple, omelette or paratha is easy enough to do. Get some spring rolls, samosas and small pasties in before they arrive. If you have a dishwasher, use it. Use the gap between lunch and dinner or when your dh gets in to do tasks outside the house, meet a friend, do some shopping , take your dd for a walk. I would do it at least twice a week so you aren't stuck in the house all.the time but equally they can't get offended that you are always out. You've not mentioned if you work as that would.give you a break. If you can afford it get a cleaner in for a few hours before they active, get them to do tasks like cleaning doors, dusting skirting boards, make up beds etc. If not, get your dh to spenda weekend helping you to do this stuff. If you can keep extra bedding in their room so they can change themselves as and when needed.

Gi into it with a positive mental attitude, stand your ground, be polite but firm when it comes to your dd. So they can play with her as much as they want but if it is her nap time you take her to sleep and same for bedtime, stick to her routines (I'm assuming she is little, correct me if wrong). If your dh isn't on the same pahe as you or doeant support you whilst they are here then that will ne your biggest issue. Its natural he will want to sit and chat, spend time with them but that doesn't get him out of being a dad or dh, remember that.

Understand that if they were born and raised in a an asian country their behaviour is not necessarily "wrong" or bad just isn't the same as your British expectations. Best of luck.