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Is he scamming for passport?

6 replies

Saucepot1985 · 10/04/2023 12:57

Hi all, would like some advice on how best to support my friend. She married a Pakistani man who was living here on student visa, they met on a website. They were engaged within a month, joint bank account and married after 6 months. When I asked her what the rush was she said it was because she just knew he was the one, but turns out his visa was running out rather soon after the wedding. As far as I know he currently doesn’t have leave to remain. They have a baby together now and live with her Mum in her Mums house, paying minimal rent money. He works as an uber driver and she works in a shop. He is controlling and doesn’t like her spending time with me or our other friends and will do things like just turn up to collect her from an evening out when he feels like it. She doesn’t reveal a lot of information about their life but will sometimes drop a nugget such as her paying for things like tickets for him to go see his family and previously needing to get herself a second job. She isn’t a shadow of the person she was, covers up her tatoos, won’t get her nails done, has to have her hair long and has become very judgemental and cagey since being with him. She isn’t being the friend she used to be and it’s like since being with him feel somewhat superior. It’s like she has had to completely change as a person. As for him he is rude and standoffish, won’t say hello if he sees me and comes out for a meal with us friends and sits there in silence. She organised him a birthday bbq and he wasn’t even there, when asked where he was she said he was playing cricket (even in the dark?!) It’s all quite uncomfortable but I have really tried to be kind and respectful. I have tried talking to her previously about it but she is deluded and it falls on deaf ears. I know there isn’t an awful lot I can do but just be there as a supportive friend in the background but I can just see what he is doing and it’s very sad. There are other things he has done/said which make me just feel he is taking the piss and she is just window of opportunity. What would you do if it were you? Thanks all.

OP posts:
user1494050295 · 10/04/2023 13:04

Maintain light contact and let her know the door is always open. One day she might need it. Sounds like she is pretty naive tbh and doesn’t have the confidence to be strong in what she wants. Or maybe happy she has chosen this lifestyle

Gigantasaurus · 10/04/2023 13:18

Visa issues aside your friend has married an abusive arsehole. All you can do is be there for her and be prepared to keep her safe when she is finally ready to leave. With them being in her mother's house this is going to take a significant amount of patience and help before she gets to that point. Can you collude with her mother to get him out and away from her?

Saucepot1985 · 10/04/2023 13:22

Gigantasaurus · 10/04/2023 13:18

Visa issues aside your friend has married an abusive arsehole. All you can do is be there for her and be prepared to keep her safe when she is finally ready to leave. With them being in her mother's house this is going to take a significant amount of patience and help before she gets to that point. Can you collude with her mother to get him out and away from her?

Oh I wish. Her Mum is a nice lady and I think knows it’s bonkers but is weak and was also recently part of a scam herself. Met a ‘US Marine’ online and parted with thousands!

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2bazookas · 10/04/2023 13:42

He's GOT a passport . What he's aiming for is, Leave to Remain in UK .

Marrying a Brit is no guarantee he'll get it.

Fathering a British baby was a means to that end.

GreenwichOrTwicks · 10/04/2023 13:45

user1494050295 · 10/04/2023 13:04

Maintain light contact and let her know the door is always open. One day she might need it. Sounds like she is pretty naive tbh and doesn’t have the confidence to be strong in what she wants. Or maybe happy she has chosen this lifestyle

This.
I had a friend in a similar situation (controlling man, not b the passport issue). Eventually she was ready BB to leave and contacted me and I could help her.
All you can do

Saucepot1985 · 10/04/2023 14:01

2bazookas · 10/04/2023 13:42

He's GOT a passport . What he's aiming for is, Leave to Remain in UK .

Marrying a Brit is no guarantee he'll get it.

Fathering a British baby was a means to that end.

I agree. Everyone thought by them having a baby it meant he was serious about her but I think he thinks it makes his claim stronger

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