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Original poster

Painfully middle class - insult or compliment?

34 replies

Whatdoyouthinkof · 09/04/2023 00:19

I was out with friends tonight having dinner. Friend A told us they were considering moving to another (cheaper)town for a bigger house. Friend B told Friend A that she wouldn’t like the town as she is too ‘painfully middle class’.
Friend A was very offended and said it implied she was pretentious , Friend B said she didn’t mean it to be offensive and thought Friend A would agree with her.
If a friend described you as painfully middle class would you take it as derogatory?

OP posts:
Whitewinespritzer · 09/04/2023 00:21

I’d think it was very funny but I am probably am ‘painfully middle class’

MorrisZapp · 09/04/2023 00:21

How can 'painfully' anything be a compliment?

Gothambutnotahamster · 09/04/2023 00:25

Definite insult! She could easily have made the same point without slagging off your friend.

KatherineJaneway · 09/04/2023 00:26

I'd take it as an insult.

blueshoes · 09/04/2023 00:27

MorrisZapp · 09/04/2023 00:21

How can 'painfully' anything be a compliment?

This

WideOpenSpaces · 09/04/2023 00:28

@Whitewinespritzer yes, same. Id find it hilarious but then I probably am PMC

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 00:28

Agh god she probably voted Labour "for the many, not for the few" and makes being working class her identity.

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 00:29

She's probably jealous

VyeBrator · 09/04/2023 00:29

It's a complete insult and it's meant as one.

It means 'stiff, uptight, boring' etc. Think Wills and Kate type people rather than anyone middle class and fun.

It's akin to calling someone 'EBT' (educated but thick).

StagsLeap · 09/04/2023 00:30

Of course it’s an insult. On the other hand, it’s entirely possible someone not very bright might have had no idea what she was saying.

blueshoes · 09/04/2023 00:30

Are you Friend B?

CheezePleeze · 09/04/2023 00:31

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 00:29

She's probably jealous

This doesn't really make sense without offering a possible reason why?

misssunshine4040 · 09/04/2023 00:32

Why would anyone even want to admit to being painfully middle class? Please define what this is

Original poster
Whatdoyouthinkof · 09/04/2023 00:32

blueshoes · 09/04/2023 00:30

Are you Friend B?

No, I thought it was offensive and odd.

OP posts:
northeasrer · 09/04/2023 01:05

@CheezePleeze jealous - when you want what the other person has.... aka the ability to move, money etc

MysteryBelle · 09/04/2023 01:35

It was an insult, clear as day. Friend B is not a friend.

ShortSilence · 09/04/2023 02:01

The “painfully” here is, I think, referring to the effect on others? As in, “you’re so X it’s painful to see” sort of thing — which is clearly rude regardless of what X stands for.

Doingmybest12 · 09/04/2023 02:02

I think it depends on the relationship and what insight the subject of the comment has about themselves . As your friend was offended then the person saying it either completely misjudged the audience or didn't care /meant it as an insult. So best to not make these kind of comments.

KnitGoodWomanKnit · 09/04/2023 02:06

Probably meant she's a snob but thought the friend would find humour in it. Depending on the relationship, I wouldn't find it an insult, just not pleasant if you care about it. Otherwise, it's probably true.

JarByTheDoor · 09/04/2023 02:13

To me it reads as an insult no matter what the relationship is.

The difference being that it's the kind of insult that in the right kind of close relationship will be taken as affectionate banter, the sort of insult that says "We're so close that I can risk teasing you with targeted personal insults, because I know that you know that I love and care about you anyway". If you do it right it can act as cement for an already close relationship. I think it's more common between men in British culture? I know a lot of people wouldn't really feel comfortable with this kind of bonding technique, no matter how close they were to the other person.

I think Friend B probably misjudged, rather than actually intending to potentially spoil the evening. That, or she'd just heard the phrase "painfully middle class" somewhere and hadn't thought it through before throwing it out there verbatim.

Stichintime · 09/04/2023 02:19

Used to say achingly middle class occasionally, to explain a particular behaviour or vibe to people who would understand it.

northeasrer · 09/04/2023 02:20

I've got a friend who makes a point of not "being posh" and pointing out how her boyfriend is.

She's also happy enough to get the four bedroom house they are in the process of buying in the lovely area.....

So what people say and what they think are different.

Beezknees · 09/04/2023 02:56

If it was said to me I'd laugh but I'm firmly working class (low paid, get UC, rent a council flat, didn't go to uni) so I'd know they were taking the piss.

It reads like the friend was insulting the town more than anything. If one of my friends wanted to move somewhere like that I'd probably say something in a jokey way because it would be out of character.

ferneytorro · 09/04/2023 03:42

I’d be thrilled - which probably means I’m not painfully middle class unfortunately.

although if my friend goes somewhere or stays somewhere a bit “gritty “ she always says you wouldn’t have liked it which is a similar way of saying it without the class thing (as no one in real life says class things do they?).

AllIeveknewonlyou · 09/04/2023 03:53

I'd laugh my socks off if someone described me as painfully middle class.

How do people even think like that??