What is passive aggressive?

[Colourfingers2]

If I’m depressed I’m not happy.
If I’m lonely I’m feeling unloved and or unsociable.
If I’m uncomfortable then I’m not comfortable.
If I’m in a rage then I’m not calm well I don’t really get into rages so let’s say angry.
If I’m unhappy I’m not content.
If I’m aggressive I’m not passive.

I can’t multitask emotions and I don’t know anyone who can. I read the term passive aggressive on here a lot and I’ve heard it said.
What is a passive aggressive emotion or behavioural state because I just don’t get it.

My husband is passive aggressive. Because he’s afraid of conflict. So he will make little snippy comments rather than outright say what he’s feeling. It’s very annoying but he can’t help the way he was raised.

Passive is the opposite of active, not aggressive, right?

Snide sarcastic remarks, underhand comments etc rather than beating people up.

As in, you’re thinking that passive and aggressive are opposites, like in your example of comfortable and uncomfortable.

But you should be comparing passive aggressive and active aggressive.

Passive aggressive is not being confrontational but basically getting your own back by being quietly sneaky . My ex is like this. He will store up an argument and then days later he wouldnt do something I have asked him to do, and he would smile at me knowing it’s dropped me in the sh&t. This is why I prefer people who are just upfront and have an argument - it’s out in the open and not being stored up for later ammunition.

To me passive aggressive is like when you hold the door open for someone and they dont say thank you so you say "you're welcome" in a sarcastic manner.

Passive aggressive means someone who communicates their annoyance about something by being sulky and moody and making digs at people without actually coming out and being honest about why they aren't happy.

Yes I agree that passive is the opposite of active. So it's not outwardly saying that you're annoyed or upset but it's displaying that you're unhappy with something by making snide remarks and/or through your body language. A bit like someone saying "Do you think you should wear that dress?" when they really mean "I think you look awful."

I don't really think it's an emotion, it's more of a behavioural trait from people that are uncomfortable expressing when they don't like something. It's a really irritating behaviour.

Yes. It’s indirect aggression that stems from a refusal or inability to express yourself directly. So not ‘Could you please shut the door? but ‘Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here in the drought’.

Oops. I say you're welcome if someone sails through a door I have opened if they don't thank me🙄🤣

If someone annoys you and you call them out on it politely but directly, that's being assertive. ("Honestly, I didn't like that you got the promotion instead of me, it wasn't fairly advertised and I'm hurt that I didn't get a chance.")

If someone annoys you and you shout at them or attack them, that's being actively aggressive. ("I hate you, you're a sneaky piece of shit and you've ruined my career.")

If someone annoys you and you make snide or sarcastic little remarks, or act out in subtle ways, that's being passively aggressive. ("Fine, since you're so perfect, I'll just be late in every day this week and you can deal with everything, and I'll make subtle trouble for you all the time. What? I didn't say anything!")

Passive aggressive is expecting people to "know" or read your mind instead of speaking up honestly.
It's usually people who are people pleasers or afraid of conflict.

So they say nothing, then make snarky digs, eyeroll,huff and give the Silent treatment.
I worked with someone who would grit her teeth and hiss the words out but no-one knew what she was on about.

Passive -they don't speak up
Aggressive -unpleasant, nasty micro aggressions.

And it only works, as it were, if you go along with it. You have to remark on it, not go along or try to brush it off. Say, eg, I can tell that you are annoyed with me, please tell me what it is so we can try to work it out. It scares the hell out of a pass agg person. You'll get lots of dissembling, I didn't say anything, I don't know what you mean, I was only joking. Persist. It's a bit scary, because you don't actually know what's up, but do persist. They will stop. It is horrible and damaging behaviour, cowardly really.

Not saying anything when your partner goes out instead of staying in like you wanted but not making them a cup of tea in the morning as punishment while claiming you 'just forgot' if they mention it.

Buying a birthday present you know they won't really like because you're mad at them for getting it wrong with your birthday present.

Knowing your colleague has made a mistake with their figures that will get them into trouble with your boss but not giving them a heads-up because you're peeved that your boss likes them more than you.

Feeling resentful that your mum has popped over unannounced but rather than saying something, just engaging minimally until the atmosphere is so awkward that she leaves.