Completely lost my confidence, peri menopause issues, I don’t know who I am any more :(

[Summitofeverest]

I’m 50 this year, been working at the same place for 30 years. 5 years ago before any real peri problems started I took a new job in a different department that was very different to my slow paced previous position. Think call centre / fast paced stuff. Lots of email replies with a lot of detail, if you get it wrong it could cost the company dearly. Some days the job runs me ragged with the phone constantly breaking my concentration.
There’s also a LOT of office politics / annoying colleagues and disinterested managers.

Not sure if it was the stress of starting that new job but within 6 months of starting, anxiety reared its ugly head and has progressively become worse. I feel anxious as soon as I set foot in the building, because I know I’m tied to my desk I feel I need the loo all the time which further compounds my anxiety. With the phones, demanding clients, loud and annoying colleagues there are days where I feel close to breaking point.

I’ve been approached by an old manager to return to work for them, it’s back away from the front line but in a much more boringly tedious position, no loss of salary (in fact maybe more) but probably a lot more work and responsibility, just more in my own time if that makes sense as it’s not directly customer facing.

Im qualified for the position and the manager felt it would play to my strengths but I’m so scared I’ll make the move and won’t be able to do it. Another anxiety trigger is presenting, chairing meetings, anything that puts me in the spotlight, my stomach becomes upset immediately.

what on earth to do?? Maybe taking the calmer role and being away from a loud / at times toxic team will help my anxiety generally but will the stress of taking on a new position again make me even worse? I can’t believe I feel like this, I used to be a confident person, I feel like a shell of myself. GP wanted to give me Sertraline but I’m not depressed and anyhow, I don’t want something that’s going to make my stomach worse. GP just brushes that off as IBS as all FIT test / bloods were normal.

Any advice? Feel like I’m drowning trying to make a decision.

Typical Gp. I had that for 10 years with mine including a suicide attempt. Try a private Menopause specialist, mine is Olivia Hum at the Nuffield. It has been life changing for me. You may need Setraline, but I don't think I did. It was definitely peri.

Thank you, can she see me on a video consultation? I live the other end of the country from her practice by the look of it.

Yes she does video consults.

If your current job is overwhelming whilst dealing with the many symptoms of peri and back to your old team is less fast paced and would be easier for your anxiety then I personally would return.

You need a job that pays the bills but when you are not a go getter 20 something then do something for you and your health. Anxiety is the pits and as a fellow sufferer, I know that it'd cripple me finding my job challenging every day.

Take care of yourself

GP for HRT. Saved my career.

You’re still there. It’s perimenopause. It’s shit. I am four months in and finding myself again. Hugs. It was horrible, but now I am coming back, and so will you x

Try and see a female GP if you can OP, male GPs can oftn be a bit useless when it comes to women's health issues.

See another GP. I felt like you did and it’s given my myself back. Go private if you can.

Ask if the practice has a menopause specialist. I did this and she's been ace.
Step back into the old job, try the HRT, gather your strength. You may find that later on you can look around for a job with a bit more balance.

I can so empathise with all women on the menopause, who are struggling, I am going through the menopause under a private clinic now for the past 18 months, I am now 59,
last period at 49, I went private
because my FEMALE GP offered me antidepressants twice, It’s not cheap, but I was desperate and I know, I am not depressed, I am an owner/director of a fast paced business and have always been an
integral partner, for the past 18 months,
I was crying all the time, but more importantly I have a HUGE self loathing of
myself, which is really affecting
me, I hate everything about my body, my thinning hair, my terrible split nails, my lack
of enthusiasm for anything.

So I started my menopause journey,

Month 1, 25mg patch, which I cut from a 50mg patch in half, not feeling the benefit so
increased to 50mg, felt better, but started bleeding every month with my youthful cramps back again, yay and also wanting to fight the world for 3 days, not good.

was advised to go higher with the patches so upped to 75mg of oestrogen and 1 utrogestan tablet every evening as usual, still bleeding, now twice a month, with evil cramps again and self loathing, great.

called the clinic, they suggested 100mg estrogen and 2 utrogestan tablets every night to stop the bleeding, I then have 3 bleeds a month and my mood, self image, interest of work is sooo depleted,
I don’t want to be here anymore, I had hit rock bottom, I called my private doctors and said I can’t do this anymore.

they said you need to have a hysteroscopy to rule out out cancer of the womb, wow, as there’s not enough going on, had this done on the nhs, which is fine, but I had to fight to get that done, as to get a coil fittted on the menopause in my area is not accepted, its
not a great experience, the doctor said lets
put a mirena coil in and my private clinic said it would be a better option, I’ve had the Mirena before and had no issues, after insertion I felt the best I have ever felt
for 5 days and was so happy and
my old self, I said To my husband this is it its
worked, I feel amazing, like me again!
and then day 6 the cramps started, worse than I have ever felt, a slow bleed started
snd it has carried on, I had a full bleed today,
I know that these are normal side effects
of the Mirena, the worst thing is my stomach is the size of a pregnant woman and that’s not me, I have good days and
bad, I just dont know what to say, I spend every day with cramps hating myself,
but I’m won’t stop, no choice really, I have a husband that loves me and still fancies
me, I tell him everything, how I feel everyday, so he knows it’s not him (.well maybe) sometimes!!

iIts hard for our guys as well, anyone else going through this xx

HRT!!
honestly, it’s been a life saver for me and possibly saved me from being fired for under performing. I still have days when I struggle with brain fog but nothing like I did before, and I don’t have that underlying feeling of anxiety and not being capable / worthy that I had. I was so reluctant to even try it as I had such bad reactions to hormonal contraception but it’s been a game changer.