Please tell me your positive co parenting experiences.

[TellHimDirectlyInDetail]

I'm splitting up from my husband, initiated by him. There's been no abuse or cheating. We both want things to remain amicable. Am I deluded to think we can do that? We have two children 7 and 4.

I would still like to have family days out say once a month. I hope I can muster up the energy to see his future partner as a positive thing rather than feel jealous. Am I deluded?

If you co parent well....please tell me about.

I don't think family days out are realistic when it wasnt a mutual split sorry. I'm amicable ish with ex h. But I find it hard to be around him for periods of time when he sees the children at my house (doesn't have his own suitable accommodation). I certainly wouldn't want to play happy families once a month - I think it would confuse the children for one and it blurs the line. It also sort of gives the impression of having his cake and eating it. If he wants to separate then separation it is - no playing happy families, firm boundaries in place

I don't think family days would work.
I get on fine with my ex and he has remarried and had a baby. Found that hard to begin but is fine now. They come to kids birthday parties etc and we get on fine.
Key is communication and thinking of what is best for kids rather than what is best for yourself or getting one over on your ex.

I have a good co parenting relationship with my ex. I also get on with his wife!

Some ways we make it work are

We don't get involved with the way the other parent parents unless there is something of concern.

We always communicate at the earliest point when booking holidays, any changes that might be needed to our child's arrangements etc

We make sure to include each other in preparation for big changes like new schools, house moves, new siblings etc etc

I always make my ex's new child and step child welcome at my home. They are my children's siblings.

The way we do it isnt going to work for everyone and in every situation. Its taken us a long time to get the point we are at but it works for us!

Family days are a bad idea, it's just confusing for the kids.

That said, you can still have a good co-parenting relationship without them. Where it tends to go wrong in my experience is when someone gets a new partner. Not always of course, but it does upset the apple cart sometimes.

I really don't see the problem with family days....

Honestly you don't need to do family days. Especially not once a month. The children need to get used to you and your ex being 2 separate families. It takes away any ambiguity for them. Especially when new partners are involved and things inevitably change. Maybe that's something you can do further down the line when things are more settled.

I have a very similar situation to @BigFloppa and it works really well. No reason not to do family days (we do these very occasionally) but to be honest when ex has the kids I like my time to myself so leave it upto him

@keepingsanity yes I enjoy my free time too!

@TellHimDirectlyInDetail I mean this as gently as possible, but the problem is that you aren't a family any more.

You sound very early on in the separation, and I imagine that the family days would be more for you than the children. It will be very confusing for them.

We have a great co-parenting relationship. We both truly put DD at the centre of all of our decisions. It helps that we both like and respect each other, and always will.

I’m only couple of months in, but we recently had a family day (kids’ theatre trip booked before split).

I mitigated by warning that he only got one chance to show me it could work, so he was on best behaviour. I also arranged for us to travel home separately so I knew we wouldn’t have too much time to get on each other’s nerves in the car.

It worked. Kid had a lovely time. Would do again, with appropriate caution.

I’m divorced and co-parenting with someone who babysits their own children.

The children need consistent routines and stable parents. I’m struggling because I always put the needs of the children first and their father doesn’t. He wants to be liked, I want my children to be well behaved, educated, fit and healthy. This is why we are divorced and why I struggle coparenting with him.

I get on fine with my ex, despite a very unamicable split. We co-parent really well, speak all the time about DD. He always backs me up etc. We are 50:50, week on week off.

I would spend the day with him and DD if it came up. I wouldn't schedule "family days" though and most certainly wouldn't have spent the day with them together early on. Although you will both obviously be their parents, you will be separate families. It will be confusing to the children down the line if he gets into a relationship and she is inevitably uncomfortable with your "family days". It's just not necessary. You need to work on building your new lives with the children.

I co parent with my ex- we have kids 50/50. It’s been about 5 years since we split, it wasn’t an awful split but not the most amicable either. We have done occasional family days out from the start, not as much as once a month though. More frequently we might go out for a meal or something. If his parents are visiting I will generally spend some time with them and him & kids. It works and the kids like it and I think, providing it’s not tense or stressful & everyone is relaxed & happy, it’s good for them. We both have new partners now, mine co parents (50/50) with his ex and they spend quite a bit of time together- he’ll go over for a Sunday roast etc etc. It works for them too.
So I am pro spending time together but you have to both be on the same page and there can’t be any animosity / tension between you if it’s going to be a positive thing.

Co-parenting can work, my ex and I work things out for the benefit of the DC. Think of him as an annoying co-worker you have to collaborate with in order to make sure your DC are looked after.

The way someone explained it to me was something along the lines of 'you used to have to parent together, everything was a compromise. Now you parent separately and have no relationship to lose anymore'. Was harsh, but true.

Family days are a no-no, I'm afraid. You are not together, and it's too confusing for the children. They WILL think you are getting back together. Any thoughts of getting along with a new partner or children is based on an optimism you are currently feeling which is perhaps based on reality.

There will be points of conflict between you and your ex, divorce has a nasty habit of bringing out an unpleasant side to both parties.

Family days will be confusing for your kids.

My parents separated when I was a toddler and still get on very well (they both remarried when my siblings and I were little). We had family days out quite often and it was very sad to go back home without dad. It sounds like a nice idea, but in reality it will be very confusing for your kids as they might hope you'll get back together.

It sounds like you are at very early stages of separation, I would take some time to get used to the idea of being a single parent before jumping to any family days.

Your ex might also not want to do that once he has a long term partner.

I'm not imagining that I'm going to be friends with his future new partner but I'd like to be able to hear her name without feeling bitter/anger/jelousy.

Thanks for your replies.

Of course you will! Just give yourself time! It's a bumpy ride but you will come out the other side!! Just be kind to yourself and don't have any expectations of how things might turn out. Concentrate on you and your children and all will be fine!

My ex and I co-parent fairly easily, our breakup was equal and amicable. It was nothing dramatic just we were young and had very incompatible careers and goals. We are still good friends although I am probably closer to his wife as we generally sort out childcare arrangements between us. Similarly my partner gets on very well with my ex, they have taken the children to sports games together before.

Personally, I wouldn't push to do scheduled family days out so soon if you are still hurting from the split or there is any resentment there. That might just be me, but I would let them happen naturally.
We do all spend time together now we have for years and it's great but it wasn't for about a year after the split it helped get the kids used to it. They got time to understand what seperated parents meant and felt like.

These days we have no scheduled contact days- the children go where they like as we live within walking distance of each other. We have always had joint custody. Their dad works away for long stretches (military) and they will still go and see go to their step mum during that time, but will mostly stay with me. She is lovely, I am very glad he found someone like her, especially as we all have pretty similar views on things relating to the children. We do generally spend 'big' days all together, like the childrens birthdays and have no trouble spending time together, but these dsys they mostly see us separatly.

Thank you @BigFloppa !💐

That sounds great @Gratedpotato