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Positive stories / outcomes from marriage counselling?

6 replies

Cheerio81 · 07/04/2023 10:52

My husband and I are waiting to start Relate sessions. So far we've had the initial consultation a month ago and then husband has had his individual session a fortnight ago. Mine isn't for another fortnight due to lack of availability. Then we start the joint sessions.

We are getting desperate and I'm feeling so frustrated at the wait - we decided to do this in early Feb. I've had counselling before so I know it's not a magic pill or quick fix, but all the time we are waiting and each time we have another argument I feel another chink happens to our marriage.

I desperately want it to survive as at our best we were so happy and we have a wonderful 2 year old.

In a nutshell it's so complex but husband is unsatisfied with our sex life which has been perfunctory or non-existent since pregnancy due to a combination of factors - gynaecology issues / traumatic birth / hormones and general tiredness and busy lives. Husband has been supportive but now is at the stage where he feels sex is vital to him and our marriage and he can't go on. I get it. I'm spinning plates of responsibility - childcare, work, run my own company, elderly parents with dementia etc. I feel he doesn't appreciate the weight of all my responsibilities as his job is his sole responsibility and it's a big one but it's only the one. He knows I'll always be there for our DD if she's sick / I do picks ups bedtimes etc whilst he works. It's lonely and tiring.

Anyway we do love each other but it's become toxic with arguing and I'm at the stage where I feel we are not understanding one another's position and any attempts to communicate end in arguments. I just want to get to a better place for all of us and particularly our DD.

Anyway just wondered if anyone has done couples counselling with Relate and if it helped? And has anyone overcome similar difficulties in their marriage?

Am feeling frustrated, sad, scared and hopeless so hoping for some positive stories I guess.

OP posts:
Cheerio81 · 08/04/2023 14:28

Bumping

OP posts:
HWG19 · 20/04/2023 21:42

To hear hes willing to try it too is a great start on its own! Many like me can't get DH to therapy and at least try. Relate is good, so I have good hopes for you :)
I would love to try it with him as I've only done it alone before and we need it at this point to find out if we can get some intimacy back as he's just not interested and I'm so worried he's gone off me.

username98765 · 20/04/2023 21:58

I would pay extra and go private. We found someone to help us and she saw us within a few weeks. We would 100% not be together now if it wasn't for doing this. Our relationship is better than it has ever been, obviously we still have our moments but it was the best money we ever spent.
Good luck and I hope you have a happy ending x

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username98765 · 20/04/2023 22:01

Also it's so important to make time for the two of you. If you can manage a night away do it! No pressure, have a nice dinner and a few drinks and just enjoy each others company and see where it takes you. It's easy to let life get in the way but you need to make time.

Sylvaniandysfunctionalfamily · 20/04/2023 22:35

We did and it was not helpful. I found individual counselling more helpful. At the time we were having big problems and DH was using married dating websites. At one point the (male) relate counsellor told me "you don't go out for burgers if you're getting steak at home".

Cheerio81 · 25/04/2023 16:03

Thank you. I have had my individual session and now awaiting the first joint one in two weeks. I hope it will help.

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