Are these intrusive thoughts or is it something else ??

rosepetall · 2023-04-05T21:53:41+00:00

Since having my 'rainbow' baby, I can't shake the feeling that something will happen to my baby, and she will be ripped away from me. I am so overly attached to her, and the thoughts really hit deep sometimes. I can't help but feel like am I so attached because something will happen to her and it's my instincts telling me to spend every second. If I read or watch something about a child dying, I automatically cry and then can't help thinking what if that happens to my child. I hate that I have to even write this and can't dare say it out loud. I sympathise with my heart for anyone who's experienced what I am fearing and don't want this to be a trigger post. Please be kind, just a mother looking support from other parents. Has anyone experienced similar?

MeinKraft · 05/04/2023 23:01

Hi, yes I have had this with my first baby. I had awful intrusive thoughts about him falling out of our bedroom window even though the windows were high up and locked etc. it was a sign of PND. Wish I'd spoken to my doctor, I would have enjoyed much more of his babyhood rather than spending it convinced something awful was going to happen

Groutyonehereagain · 05/04/2023 23:02

It’s anxiety, please do see your GP for help.

Billydaffodil · 05/04/2023 23:22

Really feel for you. I think I know how you feel, I had similar thoughts with my first which went on quite a long time. I realise in hindsight it was v likely PND. / anxiety. I wish I'd got help at the time, If you can please seek some support through your midwife or health visitor or gp. I did recently with my current baby and the help has been fantastic.

Billydaffodil · 05/04/2023 23:37

Oh also I stopped reading and watching the news and that has helped a lot. No need to put yourself through others misery when you can't do anything about it. Spend the time doing something nice or reading a book for some escapism instead.

Billydaffodil · 05/04/2023 23:38

(It's also much more common than you probably realise, congratulations on your little girl 🥰).

Original poster

rosepetall · 05/04/2023 23:43

Thank you for your messages 🤗

So I should of mentioned I had really bad PND with my first and then when I had this baby, I started becoming severely anxious even leaving her and I've had the 'help' I could get and there's been some improvement but surely a year in, I should start to feel less and less of these feelings but I am not.

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pineapple7peach · 06/04/2023 00:23

Hey love, plenty of helpful comments already but just wanted to add this could also be a sign of OCD. Have a read online to see if you resonate with anything we’ve commented and maybe book an appointment with the GP

You should be proud of yourself for posting ❤️

GreyCarpet · 06/04/2023 00:36

These are intrusive thoughts.

I'm not meaning to make light of them but hopefully this will give you some perspective and reassurance that its your mind playing tricks on you.

When my first child was born, I used to have intrusive thoughts about him opening his eyes, which would be glowing red, and baring needle sharp teeth at me. I would tip toe into his room terrified I might awaken the demon in him. Not that I actually thought he was a demon. I don't really know what I thought tbh!

It got to the point where I was scared to go and check on him at night because it was such a clear image. My heart would pound and I'd avoid actually looking at him for any longer than absolutely necessary. I was a single parent and I had no family support. I never told anyone. It went on for months and then one day I just realised it hadn't happened for a while.

I'm telling you this in case your intrusive thoughts feel somewhat rational to you. They're not. Any more than mine were. To my knowledge, no baby has ever become a red eyed, sharp toothed demon

Speak to your GP. They will help

Reallytired2 · 03/09/2023 14:03

Hi I know this is a few months old but I just wanted to say I am exactly the same could have wrote this myself. I had multiple miscarriages before having my baby and as soon as he was born I had horrific intrusive thoughts of him dying/ me dying, I feel like I left it too long without help and this has now escalated to me feeling like someone is going to harm him and I need to prevent it. It’s been diagnosed as OCD and it’s a sickening anxiety but I can really relate to your thoughts, I felt like he was finally in the world after a difficult time and my brain has conjured up a million ways he could be taken away from me, it’s like it feels too good to be true that he’s here. It’s been the lowest period of my life, I’m getting help now but I wish I wouldn’t have got to this point. Yours sounds how mine started out and it sounds like OCD please get help cause it really is torture, feel like the first year of his life has been so tainted x

Original poster

rosepetall · 07/09/2023 22:20

GreyCarpet · 06/04/2023 00:36

These are intrusive thoughts.

I'm not meaning to make light of them but hopefully this will give you some perspective and reassurance that its your mind playing tricks on you.

When my first child was born, I used to have intrusive thoughts about him opening his eyes, which would be glowing red, and baring needle sharp teeth at me. I would tip toe into his room terrified I might awaken the demon in him. Not that I actually thought he was a demon. I don't really know what I thought tbh!

It got to the point where I was scared to go and check on him at night because it was such a clear image. My heart would pound and I'd avoid actually looking at him for any longer than absolutely necessary. I was a single parent and I had no family support. I never told anyone. It went on for months and then one day I just realised it hadn't happened for a while.

I'm telling you this in case your intrusive thoughts feel somewhat rational to you. They're not. Any more than mine were. To my knowledge, no baby has ever become a red eyed, sharp toothed demon

Speak to your GP. They will help

Oh my you've really hit the nail on that..

I have the same thoughts like you but about my eldest & I've never been able to say it out loud. She also started sleep walking which doesn't help & it petrifies me to have the light off I also walk slowly in her room to check on her just in case she's being "scary".

However, with my youngest I am still having those thoughts about something happening but they have cut down and I am starting to believe more and more that she is ok and she is mine and she is not going to leave me.

Thank you for sharing your story also xx

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Original poster

rosepetall · 07/09/2023 22:22

pineapple7peach · 06/04/2023 00:23

Hey love, plenty of helpful comments already but just wanted to add this could also be a sign of OCD. Have a read online to see if you resonate with anything we’ve commented and maybe book an appointment with the GP

You should be proud of yourself for posting ❤️

Thank you 🤗

I didn't know that OCD could be a sign of this!m, I will definitely read up xx

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Original poster

rosepetall · 07/09/2023 22:28

Reallytired2 · 03/09/2023 14:03

Hi I know this is a few months old but I just wanted to say I am exactly the same could have wrote this myself. I had multiple miscarriages before having my baby and as soon as he was born I had horrific intrusive thoughts of him dying/ me dying, I feel like I left it too long without help and this has now escalated to me feeling like someone is going to harm him and I need to prevent it. It’s been diagnosed as OCD and it’s a sickening anxiety but I can really relate to your thoughts, I felt like he was finally in the world after a difficult time and my brain has conjured up a million ways he could be taken away from me, it’s like it feels too good to be true that he’s here. It’s been the lowest period of my life, I’m getting help now but I wish I wouldn’t have got to this point. Yours sounds how mine started out and it sounds like OCD please get help cause it really is torture, feel like the first year of his life has been so tainted x

It's great that they were able to give you some sort of diagnosis for it and your getting the help you need 🤗

When I was getting help, I couldn't quite understand what I was feeling or experiencing and they put me down as having anxiety which I definitely have but it's not just that and I never shared those thoughts with my therapist. I didn't even know OCD could relate to this and I definitely fit the mould. I think it's time I go to a doctor and tell them I have been clearly having these thoughts for a few years now but I was/ still slightly am they may think I am not mentally well and that also scares me.

Xx

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