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Original poster

How can I make friends?

11 replies

HarriwithanI · 05/04/2023 21:41

After working crazy hours during the pandemic etc I’ve come to realise I’ve pushed everyone away. I’ve reached out to old friends, school mums just asking do they want coffee or play dates but excuses are made.

Recently had major surgery and feeling pretty lonely. All my work friends are understandably busy and all my failed attempts at making new friends are leaving me pretty miserable. Sometimes I go weeks without even speaking to a human :( just feel like I’m existing.
Sorry for the long post just needed somewhere to talk I suppose. Feel silly even posting this.

OP posts:
SaveAHorseRideAHighlander · 05/04/2023 21:49

Hi, try not to feel silly, I think it's a lot more common than we realise.
I am very shy and lacking in self confidence, although get told that this is surprising by people I tell. I find it so hard to make friends, i think as an adult it is very hard to make friends but you have to try to stay positive and keep trying. I've been doing some therapy for my anxiety and I'm trying to remember that it's not me, nor them, and not to be so hard on myself.
Keep going and putting yourself out there my lovely Smile

Heroicallyfound · 05/04/2023 21:51

I’ve been scrolling Bumble lately and there’s many people out there who say they’re lonely working from home or friends have moved away or routine has changed after the pandemic. You’re not alone. Keep reaching out and you’ll eventually find some people.

MYSTERIOUSGIRLONLINE · 05/04/2023 22:07

Awww please don't feel silly, you are opening up and I know how it feels to feel lonely at times as I suffer anxiety and on meds for it which I'm not ashamed to admit to as they've helped me find me again. Last year was a year I have put behind me and this is my year to make the most of my new start and I've achieved so much already. Have you thought of joining a penpal site? I joined one a couple of years ago and have met some wonderful people on it and yes trolls, creeps and the likes too lol. It's not easy building friendships nowadays with the world being so busy and I do have a few friends I can open up to in times of need but I love that buzz being on a penpal site chatting to new people from where I live but also from around the world finding out how they live and the likes. Also we have a local swimming club that gets together every morning and a walking group then the Library and community centre has courses that helps the community come together. I've got my name down for salsa dancing and yoga which will be a challenge for me lol but worth checking out if you have those in your community. Hope this helps in anyway!

Original poster
HarriwithanI · 05/04/2023 22:24

Thank you for not making me feel silly and your kind words. That’s a good shout about a pen pal site/bumble

OP posts:
MYSTERIOUSGIRLONLINE · 05/04/2023 22:28

HarriwithanI · 05/04/2023 22:24

Thank you for not making me feel silly and your kind words. That’s a good shout about a pen pal site/bumble

Your more than welcome, I'd definitely give the penpal site a go! Penpal World is a good, fun and friendly and it's easy to sign up to and it's free. Good luck!🤞

validnumber · 05/04/2023 22:32

Yes don't feel silly.
There are many threads on here about finding it hard to make friends.
It's really common.
R u on Facebook?
If so try to look on your local town page and search group meet ups.
Our town had a few groups that meet up for women. They meet down the pub, quiz nights, book clubs, holidays etc. lots of local people in the same position as you.
I also read a really good tip on here too of doing something you enjoy ie. A club and if you make friends then great but if not at least you enjoyed the club anyway and got to spend time with people.
Good luck x

Original poster
HarriwithanI · 05/04/2023 23:22

Ooh I’ll deffo sign up to that pen pal site thank you!
I need to check facebook- unfortunately quite rural but hopefully there will be something I can join :)

OP posts:
MKD1 · 05/04/2023 23:46

I'm in a similar boat. I've felt it for the past 9 years. Ever since I got married people have just disappeared from my life. It hasn't helped that we moved a few times. We moved to a new area but not too far from where I grew up. We've moved to a lovely village with lovely people. Get on with All parents on the school run etc. But I can't seem to make a friend that would want to go for a coffee or a drink etc. Everyone's known each other here since before having kids. I feel like an outsider and feel upset.

My husband always says that because I don't have a 'hobby' it's harder for me to make a friendship circle. All my life evolves around work and kids. I actually don't know how to make friends and it upsets me.

Taliaboo · 06/04/2023 11:01

Hi, this is my first post but I have read a few over the years and been grateful for the advice shared, so here goes! Am in a long overwhelmingly good marriage, over 24 years and struggling with an issue that threatens to end the marriage if we can’t resolve it. As I get older I am more feisty than I used to be and this is why I’m tackling this now, also kids are older and we are looking at life ahead and planning. DH doesn’t want me ever to go away with friends without him. It hasn’t been an issue until now. I have let my friendships wither away over the years through being lazy (and shy, under confident and socially a bit awkward) and have spent huge amounts of time when not at work with DH. We have been close and share joint projects and are pretty happy in each other’s company, however I have been reconnecting with college friends and we chat and I have just returned from a weekend away with them over which DH and I clashed. It’s the first time ever that I’ve been away with a group of friends like that without him and the reality is that we will want to do it again but probably not for a few years. DH feels excluded and feels it’s childish and if I can’t accept that it won’t ever happen again then he’s prepared to split up. I can try to organise some social stuff which includes the friends and DH but I am struggling with the idea that I have to accept his ultimatum, it feels like control. We have differing personalities, he is generally more strident and sociable and I can be quite reserved. He does occasionally catch up with a friend without me but wouldn’t go away. I don’t know what to do.

Original poster
HarriwithanI · 07/04/2023 05:19

@MKD1 im so so sorry you feel the same way, it’s horrible like having no identity and the longer it goes on the harder it gets :(
I never had time for hobbies or managed to do school runs before because of work so I’m an outsider to the cliques that I’ve tried joining. Sending love ❤️

OP posts:
Original poster
HarriwithanI · 07/04/2023 05:22

Taliaboo · 06/04/2023 11:01

Hi, this is my first post but I have read a few over the years and been grateful for the advice shared, so here goes! Am in a long overwhelmingly good marriage, over 24 years and struggling with an issue that threatens to end the marriage if we can’t resolve it. As I get older I am more feisty than I used to be and this is why I’m tackling this now, also kids are older and we are looking at life ahead and planning. DH doesn’t want me ever to go away with friends without him. It hasn’t been an issue until now. I have let my friendships wither away over the years through being lazy (and shy, under confident and socially a bit awkward) and have spent huge amounts of time when not at work with DH. We have been close and share joint projects and are pretty happy in each other’s company, however I have been reconnecting with college friends and we chat and I have just returned from a weekend away with them over which DH and I clashed. It’s the first time ever that I’ve been away with a group of friends like that without him and the reality is that we will want to do it again but probably not for a few years. DH feels excluded and feels it’s childish and if I can’t accept that it won’t ever happen again then he’s prepared to split up. I can try to organise some social stuff which includes the friends and DH but I am struggling with the idea that I have to accept his ultimatum, it feels like control. We have differing personalities, he is generally more strident and sociable and I can be quite reserved. He does occasionally catch up with a friend without me but wouldn’t go away. I don’t know what to do.

@Taliaboo this sounds a really tricky situation bless you. I feel it deserves its own post to get more views/ideas for your situation as I’m awful with my words when offering advice. Could you encourage him gently to make a set of “his” friends through a new hobby?

OP posts:
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