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Original poster

Help me make a decision on where to live

10 replies

Headorheartdecision · 04/04/2023 16:03

So I’m getting divorced and I should hopefully get enough equity to get a 3 bed semi where I live currently. I have two adult children who live at home when not at uni.
I love where I live, I have been here 16 years, have good friends, a job with people I get on with really well and it’s a UK holiday destination.Plus my kids lives are also here.

However all of my family live over 3 hours away from me, all of them. I have friends where they live too as that’s where I grew up. Parents aren’t getting any younger, my siblings have young kids that I’m missing seeing grow up (though not minding not having to babysit for them 😉) on top of that the same house where they live will be about £80k-£100k cheaper.

I just honestly don’t know what to do for the best. I sometimes feel really lonely here even with fantastic friends (super conscious they have their own lives) but also aware that the same could be said if I were to move away.

I wish I knew what to do, so help me out mumsnet, would you move locally or upend back to where you came from?

I should say I can walk into a job without issue (think nursing but not quite that)

TIA x

OP posts:
AylesburyLawyers · 04/04/2023 16:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thelittlekingdom · 04/04/2023 16:30

I think I’d be tempted to stay where you are as you’re relatively settled. If you were miserable and unhappy, I’d probably consider a move but aside from the family aspect, you sound quite happy where you are. You might also find your family have their own lives and you could end up having to build a life without much involvement from them.

Ilikewinter · 04/04/2023 16:31

Ooh thats a tough one because im going through a similar situation regarding should I move nearer family and ageing parents. It sounds like you live in a lovely place ...envious of the coastal location! ..... have you found available properties in both places?. Could you move half way between current home and parents...or does that not solve anything 🤣🤣

Original poster
Headorheartdecision · 04/04/2023 18:20

Thanks both, no idea what the other poster said to get deleted!

moving halfway between the two would be a no, I think it would make things worse in that I’d be too far away from all the people I love 😂

I think I’ve just had a major wobble today over everything and just need to not panic and not worry about making any decisions right now.

Thank you both for taking the time to answer xx

OP posts:
Thelittlekingdom · 04/04/2023 19:53

Wonder what the other person said.

I’d take a bit of time to have a think about things. I have a yen to live by the sea so location would tempt me to stay put. Divorce can be stressful so I’d pause on making any big decisions such as moving until things have settled down a bit.

Janefx40 · 04/04/2023 20:17

@Headorheartdecision it's just so tricky. I was previously living in an amazing place 3.5 hours from the parents but had to leave due to work. I recently had the opportunity to move back but in the end decided that it was more important to be near my aging parents. In the end we did do a slight compromise - we live 45 mins from them but in the countryside (they are London). It's not my perfect place but it suits us better. I don't think there's a right answer tho. You can still have a quality relationship with your parents without seeing them every week.

One question I'd ask myself is could I live a happy life in the "close to parents" location? Or do i really not want to be there. Is there a location close by that is nicer (I'd go 30 mins max as we do find 45 still a bit far!).

I think I would talk it through with your kids as well as it affects them. Is their Dad still in that area? Might it mean that they end up spending more time with him in the holidays so they can be close to their home friends? Or would it mean they would be cut off from that life of there's no parent to stay with where they grew up?

Another option is to rent for 6 months near your parents and see how it pans out. Renting always seems a waste of money but sometimes it's a necessary step.

Best of luck

Xmasbaby11 · 04/04/2023 20:24

I think I would move back. It sounds like good timing for a fresh start with your kids at uni and a divorce.

Xmasbaby11 · 04/04/2023 20:27

I would add, if your kids would be ok with it. They are at uni but back for hols and do they have plans to move back in? Are they secure and happy enough to be ok with you moving?

my dc are younger so not sure how it is at that age, but just something to consider.

Thighdentitycrisis · 04/04/2023 20:31

I might think about staying put until the kids graduate. Then think about moving home to parents. I would make sure kids new clearly this was the plan in advance….

DoeRayMe · 04/04/2023 21:07

How about renting back home for 6/12 months and then decide to buy?

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