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The 'am I too selfish' posts

5 replies

Wishimaywishimight · 04/04/2023 15:22

There seem to be a lot of these lately. Sometimes I find it hard to believe they are actually real. Some poor sod being walked on, disrespected and disregarded by her nearest and dearest (so to speak), treated like a complete doormat/mug, sometimes so extremely it is difficult to fathom anyone would; a) put up with the situation for more than 5 minutes and b) even have to question whether they were being unreasonable/selfish or whatever.

In recent days there has been a woman with 2 (almost 3) children whose bonkers CF neighbour is annoyed the OP won't ferry her kid to (or from?) school and look after him/her for the afternoon. A woman who is looking after a total of 9 people in the household, many of whom are adults, many are her step-offspring and hardly any of whom work / contribute to the household either financially or by doing household chores so she is working then coming home to cook/clean after people she is not even related to Finally a woman whose husband plays games while she does everything else and who has suggested he may start parenting once the child is old enough to ask him for something and wonders is she expecting "too much".

I don't mean to be unsympathetic (really), these situations happen I suppose however to even question if they are being "selfish" to in any way object to being treated like something that fell off someone's shoe is bizarre. What lies in their past that makes them think they come bottom of everyone's list of priorities but most importantly their own.

I admit to feeling impatient and intolerant at times and just want to shake them and sake "for fuck's sake, wake up and start treating yourself better"!

OP posts:
neverknowinglyunreasonable · 04/04/2023 15:24

I like to think the overwhelming support and (mostly) kind messages will give the OPs a nudge needed to make some changes in their life. Either that or all this is a waste of time.

LaPerduta · 04/04/2023 15:28

No, YANBU, although I think some people.sugfer from very low self-esteem. I do think some people are disingenuous (i.e. they know full well they're not being unreasonable) or enjoy being martyrs.

Not saying that applies to the specific examples you've cited, however.

TeenLifeMum · 04/04/2023 15:29

I think when life has evolved that way it’s hard to realise and acknowledge just how wrong it is, especially when there’s often a man who says he loves them telling them it’s them that’s in the wrong.

Example: I’d never call myself a push over but got a new boss who I’ve struggled with. He’s pushed back at every opportunity saying I’m the issue. I’ve got so used to him speaking down at me that I don’t notice. Then, working from home, dh overheard (he’s in the same line of work at a different organisation and is as senior as my boss). After my call, dh burst in the room and said he’d support me if I quit the next day after that behaviour! I was like “oh, that’s just normal…” obviously then I realised it wasn’t. (Currently applying for other jobs). But I can see how crap situations become your normal when no one has your back.

Hopefully people can actually get genuine support here to see through the bs and find a good normal.

Number24Bus · 04/04/2023 15:31

The thing is that AIBU can be quite brutal and the OP will be half expecting to be shot down. So the "am I being selfish?" thing is to pre-empt that, so that if everyone comes on and says they're being unreasonable they can reply "ok, fair enough, I thought so".

pinkySilver · 04/04/2023 17:17

In society though behaviour is only shaped in relation to others. That's why things that were normal ten, twenty or a hundred years ago are no longer normal and things that are expected in some cultures are not in others. So we gauge our behaviour, our rights and responsibilities from those around us. And if you're isolated and that's your "normal" it's easy to see why you need a sort of "touchstone". Fortunately this forum can do this.

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