I need some advice about how to broach this subject with my DC dad.
They are 13 and 10 years old. We split 8 years ago and he married someone else and had 4 more children in that time.
He has always lied to me about his income to pay the lowest maintenance he can get away with. It has never increased in those 8 years although he deducted £30 when his third child was born.
He took a new job before Christmas and I saw it advertised so I calculated the wage for child maintenance purposes. He should be paying me £300 more than he does, and I later found out he should have been paying me £200 more from his previous job he’d had since we split. (Takes his other children into consideration)
Anger isn’t the correct word for how I’m feeling.
There is also the issue of lack of time he spends with our children.
They have seen him twice since Christmas and only for 3 hours each time. He claims he is always busy, including weekends. He told me he wants to spend time with his other children as he doesn’t see them in the week. I haven’t told my children this as it would break them to think they aren’t included in that. He’s never had them overnight, taken them on holiday or for a day trip, or treated them to anything at all apart from the £10 they get on birthdays and Christmas.
I have previously told him he needs to make effort before it’s too late as my youngest asked not to see him anymore as she felt sidelined for the younger children. He took them out for tea and thought that was enough to make him super dad.
Its very difficult to sit and watch how they are ignored by their dad and also that if he paid us the correct amount we wouldn’t be struggling and living off my credit card for basics.
I know if I demand more money or for him to see our children weekly he will become aggressive and intimidating. I don’t want to make it harder for my children than it currently is, but I also don’t want this selfish behaviour to continue.
There is a chance he will stop paying maintenance altogether. He is the type of person who would resign and go onto benefits if he felt his income would be taken elsewhere. I just don’t know what to do anymore, it’s morally wrong and I’ve had enough.
so can anyone help me with a resolution to speak to him about this without a fight? I am admittedly frightened of him so it will be difficult.