Bereavement and work

[Overwhelmedistheword]

Feeling really overwhelmed with life at the moment. We've had two bereavements recently (FIL and my dear friend).

Work is extremely busy. I have lots to do this week but am already off 2 days to cover for school holidays, then Friday is a Bank Holiday. It only leaves me 2 days to do everything, but one of the funerals is tomorrow so I now only really have one day to get everything done.

I thought I could just push through, get work done in the evenings when DC are in bed, but I've just made a small mistake at work (completely inconsequential) but I'm in tears about it (ridiculous). I think this might be a warning that it's all getting too much.

I just don't know what to do. I've not had bereavement leave as neither of the deaths are direct family but heartbreaking all the same. I wish I could forget work for this week, but my work doesn't get picked up while I am gone so I would just come back to even more urgent deadlines next week.

I'm just so tired. I've had 3 crappy nights will a poorly DC which I think has pushed me over the edge. I'm also distraught that I can't go to the second funeral as no-one can watch the DCs. Keep racking my brain for a solution, which is making me more mentally tired.

I don't know what to do or even what I'm asking but needed to offload somehow!

I'm sorry for your losses. Can you take some personal leave, if you don't have bereavement leave available? Bereavement leave in my contracts has always been very short (up to three days, depending on the relationship) but some are more flexible than others. If you want some decent downtime personal leave might be better for you.

I ended up needing to take time off on the sick because my grief was basically hammering me like extreme anxiety - overwhelmed at the smallest of things resulting in massive panic attacks and not sleeping well at all being two of the biggest problems.

The doctor was lovely about it and said I needed time to process what had happened and wrote a fit note straight away. Luckily I get sick pay for a few of months so the couple of weeks I took off didn't impact my pay.

Work were a little surprised (except my closest colleague) because I was playing the "I'm fine" game as much as possible.

Sometimes you just need to step back and breathe. I'm sorry you're going through this

Thank you both. I'm actually lucky that my company would probably be supportive of me taking leave, but it's the issue of the work not disappearing and it being worse when I'll come back that is making things difficult.

I feel trapped really. Either I take a week off but all projects suffer and then it reflects badly on me, or I just push through and I'm going to struggle and be a mess but at least the work will be done so there will be no issue long term.

This has all happened after a very busy month already where I was burning the candle at both ends but pushed through thinking it was just short term, but I've gone straight into more urgent deadlines with poorly DC and bereavement thrown into the mix.

I just can't do this anymore, I need a break.

You take the sick leave. You’ve no choice. If you stay and push through your work and MH will suffer for longer.

I think you either take sick leave and forget about the consequences for now, or you soldier on but be realistic about what you can actually achieve. Pick one or two important things that need to be done and forget about the rest for now.

I’d try and get those deadlines moved.

Really sorry for what you’re going through

This is why bereavement leave should not be automatically based on the relationship - for many people, an uncle, aunt, cousin, grandparent, godparent or even friend could perhaps play a more significant role in a person's life than a parent, child, sibling etc. Each circumstance is different.
You have my deepest sympathy. My dear grandmother died last Wednesday, and I was closer to her than my uncles were. Fortunately I had holiday owing on top of compassionate leave. Look into agency childcare or look for a local teenager on Easter holidays so you can attend the funeral.

Sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time at the moment.

Tbh I think you should take some time out, either sick leave or unpaid personal leave if you don’t want to be signed off. If you had a broken leg you wouldn’t keep walking on it because your employer wasn’t making adequate provision for dealing with the workload. Most of us are willing to dig deep and put in extra hours to help in times of pressure but it sounds as though it has become the norm. If you keep pushing on you could burn out. I’m sure there are people in your life other than you employers and colleagues who need you to be happy and well.

Are you able to explain your situation to your employer and propose a way of them managing temporary cover for your key duties? Not that you should have to but I wondered if it might help you to ask if you feel you’re proposing a way it could work.

Thank you all, just talking about it helps. Still struggling procrastinating in front of my laptop, close to tears anytime something slightly stressful comes through.

I think I'll talk to my manager and basically agree that I can realistically only get one or two things achieved this week so the non absolutely critical stuff will have to wait. Hopefully I can achieve them by tomorrow so my time booked off with DC will actually be time off rather than logging in every evening for a few hours. I really need it.

Sorry you're going through this @Mariposista . I don't live near family so my friend was my family. She was a little older and considered herself a grandmother to my children. My own mum died before they were born so it was lovely for them to have someone so close to them. She was a rock to me when they were little. Aaaand I'll stop writing now as I'm welling up. That's the problem, it's been all go since she passed and i haven't had time to process it or cry. Somehow it's happening today.

I've also not really wanted to talk about it with DH because of what he's been going through with his dad. I've just bottled it up and carried on but there's only so long you can do that for. He's out of the house with the kids now so it's all coming up. Urgh, such a shitty situation all round.

Tale some sick leave. With hindsight I should have given in and seen my doctor much earlier. Day to day I was coping and I didn't feel like I was wallowing in a pit of grief, but everything became so much more difficult/tiring.

I was always prone to procrastination reached another level altogether in grief.

So annoying, I could have done a large chunk of what needed doing since his morning but I'm just somehow incapable

When dm passed away in September I was signed off for 5 weeks on bereavement. You sound a little depressed too. Maybe go see a GP and speak to someone. I sometimes have down days, I have become quite bitter sadly.

OP you are no use at work in this state (which you have every right to be in). Let's be honest, how productive are you going to be? If I was your boss I would be giving you compassionate leave to attend the funeral or at the very least letting you make up the time at a later date if your job allows this.