Anyone who has experience of looking after elderly people i really need advice!

[Anothernightofnosleep]

My grandmother lives across the country from me so we havent seen her since christmas. On friday she called that she was ill and had been in hospital for thursday but they had sent her home. She sounded quite unwell so we drove down friday and got there friday evening.

When we got there she was stuck in bed covered in sick the flat was disgusting rotten food all over the kitchen just totally awful. At christmas ahe was ok and we had no idea things were any different now. She lives in a sheltered housing complex so tbh we expected that she was fine!.

we got her straight back to a and e they found she had a back fracture that was starting to heal so was obviously in the last month or two she was dehydrated and her blood tests showed signs of infection. She had a ct scan which showed what they described as a lesions on her pancreas and liver - but they said they werent worried about that and it was an incidental finding.

she had barrats esophagus which she gas had for years.

The didnt have any beds so the gave her some fluid in a drip in a wheelchair and sent her home. I asked for a social services assessment but they basically said that because she can walk a few meters with a zimmer frame she can go.

I had no idea what to do she obviously couldn’t go back to the flat and the hospital said she had to leave the only thing we could do is put her in the car and bring her back to our house.

so we are here now and i have no idea what to do! She is in bed she managed to keep a little bit of foor down last night but she is being regularly sick which might be because of the barrats - but i have no idea.

her back is really hurting her -she was given cocodamol and antibiotics which she is taking but obviously being sick so im not sure they are staying down.

she is sleeping almost constantly and tbh im not sure if this in normal for a sick elderly person or if i need to worry about this!

i called my gp but they are very reluctant to register her.

i am doing my best but im really not sure what i need to do here - this is totally new to me as she was well at christmas - she went to spain ffs!

she is 88.

what do i do? Can i insist on a gp seeing her ? I dont think she wants to go abck to a and e and im not sure its an emergency anyway but i dont know.

how can i tell if shes dehydrated?

any advice would be great i just have no idea where to turn.

Have you asked your gp if they will see her as a visitor? Or maybe try ringing 111 and see what they suggest?

The other problem is she has no idea what conditions she has and i have no idea because she has been independant before.

we travelled down yesterday and she said today “how did i get here”.

so she cant even really tell me if this is normal for her!

I would call 111 but go to A&E if you need to, she needs to be seen.

Does she have a social worker? Put in a referral if not, she may have seen a hospital social worker while she was a patient but it sounds as though she isn’t managing at home and needs assistance.

Age UK are wonderful at helping older people, find a number for your local branch and have a chat with them. Does anyone have Lasting Power of Attorney for Granny? Ask around the family, that will be a big help. It means that the named person (the Attorney) can make important decisions on Granny's behalf.
You are very kind to be looking after her, but it sounds like you need some good advice and backup. Sending solidarity from the trenches, been there many times with older relatives! Look after yourself!

Contract adult social care in the area where she lives, and explain the position.

I understand why you brought her to your house, but unfortunately you've muddied the waters a bit by demonstrating that you (in their eyes) are taking responsibility for her. Ideally they would find her a respite bed in a care home for 2-4 weeks while they investigate her needs, so that's what you should ask for. But it would have been a lot easier to do that from hospital, as the pressure to free the bed would have supported the move to respite. .

You poor thing
Where in the uk are you?

Lili- she hasnt had any social workers etc she just hasnt needed it before.

painting - no noone has power of attorney as she has been totally independent before.

Sara the hospital assessed her and said she was independent enough to go home so they wouldnt do anything at all.

Mumof2 we are in Merseyside.

Okay. Two things then. Still contact adult social care, as she clearly needs some support. I've been through this with MIL and my mum.

Organise getting power of attorney while she still has mental capacity. You don't need to use it yet (though having the financial LPA will enable you to help her pay bills if she needs that support).

A lot of people misunderstand what POA is. You don't wait until it's needed. You sort it when you don't need it. That doesn't mean that your attorneys take over your life instantly. While you have capacity they can only use it with your permission. But when you lose capacity it's vastly easier for them to enact it.

I arranged my LPA in my early 60s, just so that my DDs won't have the stress when I'm older. You can help your gran by applying online with her.

Info on LPAs

https://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

Barrett’s oesophagus can lead to cancer, so I’d be worried about that. Particularly as she seems to have fractured her back easily.
id be tempted to blitz her flat and get her back there with help, as it will be easier to use her GP/hospital.
T

I’d contact SS again and insist on an assessment. The trouble with caring for the elderly is that the more you do, the less SS will get involved.
You need to tell them that you cannot help or visit, and that she will be alone, and need to shop/cook/clean for herself.

Can she get herself to the toilet, make a drink and heat up a microwave meal ?

https://www.wchc.nhs.uk/services/short-term-assessment/ are the team on the wirral that I contacted to help my elderly mother when she hurt her back in a fall. They were brilliant and got stuff into place for her quickly. There may be something similar where she lives.

As for now, she needs to be back in hospital. She's not well enough to be out as she's unable to keep medication, fluids and food down. The confusion is also a sign that something's not right. Get her sorted then get in touch with PALS as discharging her with no care in place is disgusting and dangerous. If you'd not got to her, this could have killed her.

One more thing, if you're on the wirral, Arrowe Park hospital have a fantastic elderly care unit that my mother is under. Like a one stop shop for their elderly patients.

I second making an urgent SS referral. We did this for MIL when she was discharged from community rehab barely able to stand up straight and she was in a respite care home within 5 days.

Not wanting to build hopes up as I know that won't be the same everywhere but it has to be worth a try.

As others have said, you have to say that you can't look after her and are too far away when she goes home. The more you do, the more they will ignore her/you.