How do people cope with "health regrets"?

[FoolOnTheHillock]

I'm in my mid 40s, and although I've lived very healthily for the last few years, I'm realising that some of the ways I've acted in the past, in my 20s and 30s (not looking after my diet; general self neglect at times; faddy stuff) might actually have permanent consequences for my health. The thing is, I'm struggling with this enormously, emotionally - being racked with guilt, regret and panic at times - and this is (ridiculously) now taking its toll on my current health, because it's affecting my sleep. Aaargh. I just can't seem to forgive myself. Can anyone relate? And how do you manage to move on from these things and live in the present?

Like what?

I can’t think of anything I did in twenties and thirties that would permanently impact my health in an irreversible way

Sounds like you have general anxiety or health anxiety to me

Many things can be reversed and helped to slow or mitigated against. So you’ve got time to change now and make a real
impact.

If it’s affecting your sleep I don’t think this sounds particularly normal, and sounds like anxiety/hyper fixation

I put my body through a lot in my younger years! I do have minor health issues in my 50s, but nothing that my former reckless self could have caused.

You can't go back and change it, just look after yourself the best that you can now.

Like what? I had a bit of a ‘party’ lifestyle in my 20’s and ate badly but I don’t worry that it’s done permanent damage. It sounds like you may be suffering from health anxiety.

Unless you had a 40 a day smoking habit or were taking drugs every day, nothing you have done is like to have been particularly significant in terms of your overall health.

Do I regret not wearing sunscreen a bit more when I was younger sometimes? Yeah. I could probably have better skin now (I’m 30 and am starting to notice the odd fine line). Am I going to tear my hair out over having had fun and lived my life? No.

Thank you all.

One of the main things is that I didn't feed myself properly and was probably quite underweight for a good few years (not deliberately - just not bothering to eat if not hungry, and have never had a great appetite). Since turning 40, I've been a healthy weight as I make sure I eat very well, but I know there's a possibility it might have harmed my bones, etc. I feel sort of lonely in that, as I don't know anyone else who has that particular issue.

You're also all right in that I'm probably a bit of an anxious/obsessive type.

Thanks again.

Last week I was awaiting results from a PET scan to determine if I had cancer in my womb, kidney, lungs and breast. Suspicious masses having shown up on numerous CT scans and MRIs had had over the last few weeks. Lungs being the most worrying as that's the worst prognosis. I smoked for 10 years, stopped 20 years ago. But it felt like was coming home to roost so I hear you.
Amazingly, PET shows no activity, so v unlikely to be cancer. I feel like I was given a death sentence then a reprieve. And from where I am, the take home is ENJOY your life now. Focus on what is important to you now. Don't waste time with regrets, what's done is done. Now you can live healthily etc . Stress is not living healthily. See if you can get help managing that stress and focussing on the joy that is being alive! sorry, i'm still on a high after this emotional rollercoaster.

I know a few cases of this. The cruelest one was a teen who did not properly look after their diabetes, and they became blind as a result.

But unless it's that serious in terms of repercussions, and even if it is actually, the only thing you can do is start looking after yourself now,

You’re 40 not 80!

I know a man who had a heart attack in middle age and 15 years later runs ultramarathons (in decent times!). You definitely aren’t ‘too far gone’ to get yourself into the best possible shape at 40!

@SpringCalling , I'm sorry you went through that, and am so pleased for you that all seems well. That's a very uplifting message - thank you. You are right. Right now, life does have the potential to be good, so I should throw myself into that and stop worrying.

@TangoBrava this is so true - whatever consequences are, we can't change the past. I'm so sorry about the teenager's sight. Poor thing.

Thank you @SpideysMummy . That sounds great about the man you know :)

I had to get help whilst awaiting the test results as I just could not function - distracted, constantly thinking about it etc etc. Went to a friend who does stress management and there are techniques you can learn to focus on your fear, feel it, then ground yourself so it does not dominate. It might help you to look for similar help so you can free yourself of this constant worry. Wishing you all the best, you deserve to enjoy your life now.

Although it doesn't appear to have caused any long term consequences, I regret starting to smoke now. I've stopped now, apart from the occasional one while having a drink, which I always regret in the morning. I don't have kids but always tell my nieces and nephews not to start. It hasn't worked with some of them though!

Don't look back- you're not going that way.

This sounds like an anxiety issue, especially the fact you feel panic about it. Are you in a position to get some support with this?

FWIW I had a very unhealthy time in my 20s- smoking, drugs and alcohol. I'm now almost tee total, non-smoker, haven't touched a drug for 2 decades, biggest vice is hot yoga. It's never occurred to me to feel guilty about it and certainly not panicked. Then was then, now is now. I wonder whether some acceptance of your past behaviours might make you feel better about them now? Because presumably they served you in some way at the time you did them, even if on balance they weren't good choices. And they no longer serve you, so you have let them go.

The cells of your body are replacing themselves very rapidly all the time op! I think I read that gut and skin cells replace themselves the fastest, heart the slowest and does the skeleton take seven years or something? In other words you can do great things now to improve your health.

You may well look back on this period of time in your life with regret too OP if you don't get things into perspective - don't let your past negatively impact your health and well-being now.
It does sound like health anxiety to me as well.
Do you have any particular health challenges or symptoms that you need to get investigated? That might either reassure you that you are well and healthy which I am sure you are, or give you some concrete basis on which to build a health & wellness & fitness plan for you now.
If you're not actually experiencing any symptoms or health challenges now, then the best you can do is look after your body through healthy eating and exercise, and focus on the future.

Absolutely. I had a pretty bad eating disorder in my 20s, I was very under weight for a very long time. My digestion is completely fucked from it, I only seem to be able to tolerate a very narrow range of foods now. I have a hiatus hernia I suspect was caused by bulimia. My joints are also buggered and I have a lot of knee and hip pain. I'm only in my mid 30s and feel like my body is much older. It's the thing I regret most in life, I should have got help sooner.

Sorry, I just read my post back and it's not very helpful! I can relate to how you feel though

Thank you all again for the posts. It really helps to "talk" about this, actually. Feeling calmer and more reflective. You're all right that the anxiety is the big thing here, isn't it? Because the past isn't in my control....
@Ihaventgottimeforthis what an excellent point about this time period also being up for regret if I don't do try to move on from the regrets.

@Gincan , I'm so sorry you feel health regrets too. I hope other people's posts here are helping you with it as well. We can't change the past, but we can try to be understanding of ourselves. You are not the same person now as you were when you had your eating disorder. Whatever you did then, you were doing what made sense (in some way) at the time, or what you needed to do to cope with life. Like @FullBloom says.

I was pretty fit and healthy at 52. Ran a couple of times a week (did this for 20 years), spinning bike used if not running, gym for swimming, long walks at weekends and very active job. Never smoked, normal weight, reasonable diet if a bit low on fruit.
Killer for me was hereditary high BP, stress, menopause and then Long Covid, none of which really had anything to do with poor lifestyle choices. I've now got an as yet unconfirmed cardiac issue and am on various meds. If you told me 10 years ago I'd have possible micro vascular angina at 56 I'd have laughed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the end genes trump most things. Get your BP checked, have regular smears and mammogram at 50, do yoga, exercise, improve your diet but ultimately in reality there's nothing more you can do and no point dwelling on things..if it happens, it happens.
I've felt bitter when I've read about MNetters suddenly deciding to start running after years of being a couch potato but it is what it is. Do what you can, it's a new day blah blah, but ultimately shit happens and you deal with it.

@Michaelschenkersguitar I'm sorry all that stuff has piled in on you. You are right, and it's important to remember. Shit DOES happen, and ultimately we probably don't have "why"s to most of it. Thank you for posting. I hope you get some answers on the heart issue ASAP.