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Original poster

Helping my overweight husband

57 replies

Jamieleecurtain · 02/04/2023 22:48

My husband is quite overweight. He has an active life. High stress job where he is always on his feet. The rest of his life is completely full with hobbies, a qualification he’s doing, friends (he has about a million) and being a dad/husband (works hard around the house, very hands on with the kids etc). We have very small kids. He runs or swims a couple of times a week. He just never stops.

The problem is that he is addicted to food. He uses food as a reward or a boost to get him through the day. He is horribly worried about his weight but attempts to diet just don’t last. I’m not sure how to help him. Even if I insisted on cooking him super healthy meals or starting preparing breakfast and lunch for him (currently he does this himself) I don’t think it would help as he just gives into temptation and snacks (probably this would get worse if his meal calories were cut)

We were discussing ways he could break his emotional eating habits and start prioritising his health in a way that would last (he’s dieted before but always gains the weight again) and honestly I’m not sure where to start. Any experience?

OP posts:
alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 03/04/2023 04:50

Saxenda or Ozempic. Not cheap but it works for lots of people.

Stickytoastandhoney · 03/04/2023 04:53

I would recommend the book The Pleasure Trap. It really helps to know why we get addicted to sugar, fat and salt.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/04/2023 04:58

Tactic Nutrition on IG have a very good account worth following. I think they have a team of nutritionists who can work remotely/online with you.

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Weight management
hggfff · 03/04/2023 05:03

I was going to say water, also enough sleep, rest, and something that involves deep breathing eg yoga, meditation or relaxation techniques.

Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 07:32

Thank you all for the fantastic suggestions. I’ll definitely look into the therapists and suggest the pleasure trap.

I think he would hate yoga/mindfulness because he likes having a busy life but perhaps it’s exactly what he needs to unwind without food!

Im not so sure an appetite suppressant would work if it’s more about habits than hunger? But perhaps as a last resort.

personal trainer would be great for fitness but he actually loves running and swimming and would go more if there were more hours in the day. You can’t out-exercise a bad diet (especially one as bad as his!) and he tends to eat more as a reward for exercising

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 07:34

Sleep is more difficult with young kids and a busy life. Maybe in a year or so it will improve!

OP posts:
bellac11 · 03/04/2023 07:36

I would say ozempic, it will allow his brain to be free of that awful craving and inability to moderate himself

then he can start to learn new ways of coping outside of that

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 03/04/2023 07:44

@Jamieleecurtain I do sometimes wonder if those people who say they can’t do stuff like meditation or yoga because they’re too busy, are EXACTLY the ones that SHOULD be doing it!

Good luck with this. I have a BF with similar issues.

stayathomer · 03/04/2023 07:45

How will he have time for podcasts and therapy if he never stops as it is? Op you can’t do this for him, you can help, but he needs to move onto healthy snacks, realise he’ll get energy from these as much as from something sugary, realise at the end of the day healthy foods can also be a reward and after a certain time he’s better not eating. He also needs to slow down. Dh has lost a few stone in the last year/possibly more (I’ve lost track of time!) from cutting down and switching over- he used to do the same as your dh but just started halfing the junk. He then turned extreme in his diet- insanely healthy but it wouldn’t be for everyone- he lives off the how not to die recipe book and the Jamie Oliver healthy eating book and doesn’t really snack

Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 07:53

Ohyeahwaitaminute · 03/04/2023 07:44

@Jamieleecurtain I do sometimes wonder if those people who say they can’t do stuff like meditation or yoga because they’re too busy, are EXACTLY the ones that SHOULD be doing it!

Good luck with this. I have a BF with similar issues.

he seems to thrive on high stress situations and comes home buzzing and tells me all about them.. I hadn’t thought of that as an issue because it’s not upsetting him but it very likely makes him eat! So yes, yoga sounds like it genuinely might help

OP posts:
Ohyeahwaitaminute · 03/04/2023 08:01

@Jamieleecurtain My ex thrived on stress. He was very slim.
When people love stress, I think their body does one of two things…

It either burns calories or the amount of cortisol in their system makes them eat and or predisposed to putting on weight.

That’s a bit black and white… and anecdotal too. But worth bearing in mind.

rookiemere · 03/04/2023 08:20

I've cut out most carbs and sugar. If I eat chocolate, I can't really stop. I'm managing to lose a pound a week - I'm not hugely overweight so this is great progress for me in my 50s.

I've been having an Aldi Chocolate protein mousse most days. 20g protein and only 157 calories and very chocolatey. Something like that might help for the snacking as it feels indulgent but really filling. Sometimes I just have half now and keep the rest for the next day.

Pip1402 · 03/04/2023 08:26

I haven't read the full thread so apologies if this has been asked but how tired is he? The 'trying to fill a void that isn't hunger' made me wonder, especially as you said how busy he is. Tiredness makes people eat more than they need to so more sleep/rest could help.

If he is genuinely hungry then adding protein to snacks rather than eating things high in sugar should help.

rookiemere · 03/04/2023 08:27

Also food prepping is hugely important. On my office days I make sure I pack a salad with chicken, loads of other vegetables and some mayo for calories and bring along either a Bounce bar or some nuts.

Yes I could, and have bought a Pret high protein low calorie lunch, but it's a lot better to have my food with me to avoid having to go out and face temptation. If you've got capacity to help, then making lunch boxes is a good idea.

Ultimately though it has to come from him to want to do it. For me as well as vanity, it was because I was getting slower and slower at parkrun, and I hated being treated like a plucky fat beginner. So maybe he could hook into his love of exercise as a reason to lose weight.

Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 11:06

He is tired but I wouldn’t say unusually so for a father of small children who wake in the night and has a busy job. My strategy in the morning is to crawl downstairs bleary eyed and have a coffee, he doesn’t waste a minute and starts bustling around tidying etc. He’s much better than me at everything (except maintaining a healthy weight 😂)

OP posts:
LookUponMyWorks · 03/04/2023 11:20

Sounds a lot like me. Such a busy lifestyle and using food to 'keep going' as I was so tired all the time as well as emotional eating. I tried reading all the binge eating books/workbooks, learning about intuitive eating etc but it just made me more obsessed about food. I tried dieting and calorie counting and keto and everything else under the sun but it was never sustainable and makes me feel bloody miserable and like a failure all the time.

What really clicked for me was removing any kind of restriction and channeling my love and interest in food in a healthy way. I actually joined Slimming World and fully signed up to learning loads of new recipes and eating lots of different meals and snacks. In the beginning I took the approach of 'eat as much as you want' (on plan) and often overate but now I don't feel the need to stuff myself and have a much healthier relationship with food. If your DH like me is a busy, social and outward-focussed person the in-group aspect might work as I found that motivating. Seriously not a plug for SW but I always kind of looked down on it thinking I was educated about food etc and therefore never considered it but it's seriously the only thing that's worked in over 10 years of struggling with my weight and relationship with food! My DH is so relieved as well as he never said a word about my weight but knew how much it was getting me down and was really supportive (as it sounds like are).

AutisticLegoLover · 03/04/2023 11:30

How overweight is he? What's his BMI? Dies he have any health conditions?

Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 11:32

Thank you. It is helpful to know what helped you in a similar situation. Can I ask what it is about slimming world that doesn’t feel like you’re restricting yourself? Because surely you have to restrict calories for it to work?

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 12:14

I don’t know exactly how overweight but it’s a fair bit. He wears an XXL size T-shirt and is 6ft 2ish. His weight fluctuates a little and this is him at his biggest. No health conditions yet. He doesn’t drink much alcohol.

OP posts:
LookUponMyWorks · 03/04/2023 14:14

Jamieleecurtain · 03/04/2023 11:32

Thank you. It is helpful to know what helped you in a similar situation. Can I ask what it is about slimming world that doesn’t feel like you’re restricting yourself? Because surely you have to restrict calories for it to work?

Of course, it does all come down to a calorie deficit but when I was calorie counting it was always 'counting down' your allowance which for me led to a scarcity mindset around my 'allowance' which fed into an all or nothing approach for me.

With SW I've found I've had to take all the terminology around it with a massive pinch of salt but it basically boils down to encouraging you to eat the foods that are healthy, lower in calories and high in satiety (these are 'free' foods such as fruit, unsweetened yoghurts, rice, pasta, white potatoes etc) and nudging you away from foods that are less nutritionally dense (such as crisps, chocolate, etc), which are foods you need to 'count'. I really didn't think it would work but it has for me. I don't eat any of the SW products just eat normal food and cook from scratch a lot.

Bananananas · 03/04/2023 14:25

If he loves a snack then reduce meals down. I'm a grazer but stay a steady weight by not eating huge meals - my dinner portion is the same as my child's. Snacking doesn't need to stop if it's his favoured eating pattern he just needs to eat less elsewhere in the day.

MaryQueenOfSwots · 03/04/2023 14:26

In a way I don’t think you can help your husband, it has to come from him. This book is really good though at unpicking biologically how to actually lose weight…
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Obesity-Code-Unlocking-Secrets-Weight/dp/1771641258

lljkk · 03/04/2023 14:50

snacks... visits the corner shop or garage on his commute.

If this is his weakness then this is the behaviour change to address. Not a zillion other things listed here.

I hate food waste. If I knew I had a pack of 'healthy' snacks with me (bananas, apple, tomatoes, olives, cherries, carrots, celery etc.) then I could tell myself... "ok, I will buy something else later if I want, but only after I eat thru the items I brought because it's very important to me that they don't go to waste."

As long as that pile of lower calorie nice things exists, I would be able to find self-discipline to not buy other snacks. I don't know what could create a mental block for your DH to not buy snacks, he just needs to find that mechanism for himself.

Peridot1 · 03/04/2023 14:57

Low carb can work really well - especially for men. There is no restriction on how much he can eat but you naturally feel full. I wouldn’t recommend using any supposed high protein processed foods though.

AuroraForever · 03/04/2023 15:06

DH and I have just watched a Channel 4 thing by Michael Mosley Lose a Stone in 21 days. It’s available on catchup. 3 episodes follow 5 people doing this based on the fast 800 idea. Impressive results and the meals are more filling so less liable to snacking. We also watched a documentary online ‘Eat, fast and live longer’ (also by Mosley) which is where the fast 800 came from. I’m giving it a go as plagued by tiredness, bloating and random health issues and DH is joining in for support. See if this is something you both could do?

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