How to support a friend who lost a child?

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A friend has lost their teenage child in tragic circumstances. If you have been in my shoes, what did you do to support your friend? Any advice appreciated.

There's a bereavement board. Maybe ask on there?

I let her talk and told her I was there for anything she needed.

Acknowledge their loss. Offer help. But don't overstep their boundaries.

I recently lost my Dad and I've actively avoided people because I just don't feel like myself. But receiving cards was nice, and I've kept them all.

I saw an interview with the guy from catastrophe who's baby died and one of the things he said was just 'to do something'. Take food, turn up do their washing/cleaning. Don't ask if you can do anything as they won't have the headspace to think. Just say 'tell me to go away but I'm going to do xyz' and then keep turning up, particularly when people start to forget.

Keep checking in on her.

Different situation but I had a stillbirth. I got loads of condolences, but then people stop asking. That cuts pretty deep. Ask her of she wants to talk about her son, and follow her lead. If she says she doesn't, don't assume it means she will never want to talk about him x

There was a recent thread started by someone who's sibling had died and lots of people talked about how different it was losing a child/sibling from losing a parent (as an adult) so it's worth bearing that in mind.

You're a lovely friend for asking the question

Keep showing up when everyone else goes away. When one of my DC nad a serious illness, one friend stood out for messaginge her entire weekly routine pointing out when she was free to help and what she could do (mostly offering to help with my other DC). It was so specific it really worked for me, I could see if I needed help around the corner on Tuesday at 4pm that could potentially work for her. Not the same situation but a specific offer and keep offering rather than an empty ‘let me know if there’s anything I can do’ is much better.

Care for the Family have the best resources and advice for this.

Print copies of this, and give them to friends, neighbours and family who want to help but don’t know how.

https://bereavedparents.s3.eu-west-2.amazonaws.com/Dos+and+Donts+bereaved+parents+2022.pdf