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Original poster

Taking family member to court

47 replies

Harisachick · 02/04/2023 16:52

Me and DH have gathered evidence with regards to a family member who has harassed us because we spoke the truth about a crime her DH committed. We have evidence of this too. We believe we have a strong case. Friends have said we should let it go however she has played innocent for too long and accused us of things which are completely banal. Aibu!?

OP posts:

diddl · 02/04/2023 18:28

Why don't your family believe you?

Are they close family?

Presumably they aren't interested in you if they think you are lying & probably still won't be if you drag the other person through the court?

Nailsandthesea · 02/04/2023 18:29

Court will not get you what you want.

just saying it won’t happen

by you taking them to court you would backfire on yourselves

if you have proof (!) set it out nicely and say

he did this our proof is this
they contacted us numerous times saying we did this our proof is this
we want this

daretodenim · 02/04/2023 18:32

I think I'd be more inclined to go NC with the lot of them (those who accused and those who didn't believe you), then go on a fabulous holiday (or three!) and fuck them all.

I know that going NC is bandied about here easily, but these people sound like they're beyond toxic.

pinkfondu · 02/04/2023 18:33

I'm not sure you can get a court to say he committed a crime he's been caught for. If you are that bother take your evidence to the police

Comii9 · 02/04/2023 18:36

I would just take a step back and get on with your own immediate family. Nobody needs drama I mea going to court. No.

TheFireflies · 03/04/2023 21:29

I’m not sure what you’d take them to court for.

If they’re harassing you, you’d need to prove this for an order to be made to prevent them from contacting you.

It might give you some peace. This won’t prove anything to the family though.

parietal · 03/04/2023 21:49

even if you win a court case, they won't necessarily believe you.

look up motivated reasoning - it is the way that people's beliefs can become very fixed and don't change even with good evidence when they have an emotional reason to stick to their belief.

if you want to change someone's mind, start with something you agree on that gives common ground. keep a close relationship. Then chip away just a little at the edge of the 'perfect image' of the bad guy. do it slowly, little seeds of doubt, little indicators of what is wrong. And gradually you can work them round.

that approach tends to be much more successful than slamming a stack of evidence or a court case in someone's face. the aggressive strategy just makes people close their ears and ignore the evidence.

RenegadeKeeblerElf · 03/04/2023 21:52

If the things she's accused you of are so banal, why are you bothered enough to take her to court? Is it really worth it?

Hawkins003 · 03/04/2023 21:58

Reading with intrigue

TeaNbiscuits74 · 03/04/2023 22:05

Don’t waste the court’s time with this weird Jeremy-Kyle-esque drama.

If you don’t get on with her, cut contact and move on. Tell anyone else that you do iIt wish to discuss it further. Don’t waste your life on unnecessary arguments and drama.

Original poster

Harisachick · 04/04/2023 13:17

@TeaNbiscuits74
yes we’ve shown other friends proof in case they have been slandering us to others and they’ve realised why we decided to cut contact and aren’t surprised.

OP posts:

iaapap · 04/04/2023 13:23

stick with contact cut

keep your evidence somewhere safe and move on with life

otherwise it will consume your time and life

free yourself

pinkfondu · 10/04/2023 11:43

Why haven't you gone to the police?

Exhibity · 10/04/2023 11:46

pinkfondu · 02/04/2023 18:33

I'm not sure you can get a court to say he committed a crime he's been caught for. If you are that bother take your evidence to the police

I was just going to say this. If you have proof of him committing a crime, report it with the evidence to the police.

Exhibity · 10/04/2023 11:48

I will also add , that my court case cost over £90k (no win no fee) so it's an expensive way to prove a point.

givenheranextrakey · 10/04/2023 11:50

If you just want to prove your innocence to your family, can't you just show them the proof you have?

However if you want to make a point, and have the money, then go for it!

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 10/04/2023 11:54

Years ago my uncle (through marriage) took my nana to court, something to do with my grandfather who was nana’s ex-DH and he was FIL to my uncle. The uncle always liked to win and prove others wrong.

My uncle won on a technicality - he was a crafty, evil, manipulative man. My nana had worked as a legal secretary/office manager so knew the legal side of things. It wasn’t about a huge payout either.

Anyway, an already toxic family situation became worse because of it. Won’t go into details as it sounds like an episode of Eastenders!

I’d say don’t go ahead, far too much stress and it’ll only make matters worse.

LaurieFairyCake · 10/04/2023 11:54

The court order will not change their minds

They have decided you're in the wrong - they're more likely to cut you off

Can you report the crime ?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 10/04/2023 11:57

Harisachick · 04/04/2023 13:17

@TeaNbiscuits74
yes we’ve shown other friends proof in case they have been slandering us to others and they’ve realised why we decided to cut contact and aren’t surprised.

You do realise if it’s slander/libel this is very difficult and expensive to prove?

An ex boss of mine was a solicitor and would refuse to take on these cases, due to the above points.

Collisionofus77 · 10/04/2023 11:58

Harisachick · 02/04/2023 17:46

Yes of course we’d have done that but they can’t see her doing any wrong and they’ll just say we fabricated it. I think they’d only believe it if it was in a court setting! It’s sad but unfortunately true.

Then I can’t see you’ll have any luck in civil court, anyway if you took her to court presumably it would be for some sort of monetary compensation, civil courts don’t just rule that one side is liar & that settles it

TokyoStories · 10/04/2023 12:00

This is bonkers. I’m going through civil court at the moment (as the defendant, the claimant is a nasty vindictive person with nothing better to do). Someone said you may as well burn £50 notes. Make that £1000 bundles. I’ve spent nearly £10k so far defending myself and god knows what he’s spent, and that’s without even setting foot in the courtroom. It’s a nasty business. It will be incredibly stressful. There will be sleepless nights. And no guarantee you’ll win (whatever winning means to you). And for what? To try to ‘prove’ a point? You don’t even seem clear on what you’re hoping to achieve. It’s a ridiculous waste of time and money. If you have that kind of money to burn do something good with it like donating to charity. Let it go and move on with your life.

whatsyourpoison12 · 10/04/2023 12:03

what was the crime?

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