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Original poster

Gaming husband and no money left

29 replies

40weeksmummy · 02/04/2023 11:06

I just need some kind of advice/handhold as I'm really at the point that I have no idea what to do. I can't even cry as I understand I'm the only one who needs somehow to cope with all this shit for the sake of our kids.
We are married 8 years, have a child and I'm 40 weeks pregnant.
My husband had multiple gaming /gambling addictions in the past, he used to spend thousands. He spent over £4k savings once for an online game.
Every single time he promises he will stop but it only lasts few months.
I decided to divorce him, I'm just trying to survive few more months as I can give birth any day and I simply don't have where to go (no family in UK). So I need some time to sort out the things like moving out, rent, etc.
Last couple of weeks he started to take lots of cash from his account (I have an access to online banking).
I don't even bother to ask why, he'll start to say he didn't like lunch provided at work so he had to buy some food, he needed to top up his phone, etc. I also know he got some money from his father, so he spent around £300 last week (£300 is our monthly food budget!!!).
I had unexpected bill and paid it from my account leaving me with £4.65 left until next Thursday. So I wouldn't even have money for a taxi if labour would start.
l logged to his online banking and saw that he took another £60 yesterday so his account has few pennies left. I didn't have any other choice than transfer £50 to my account - as I know he would spend all his overdraft leaving us with ZERO. So at least, until Thursday, when I'll receive my maternity pay, I have money for food and taxi to hospital.
He was mad. I believe he already planned to spend every single penny from his overdraft for gaming.
I don't know even what kind of help or advice I'm asking. I just need a handhold...

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 02/04/2023 15:10

Sorry you find yourself in such a stressful situation Flowers

What is your nationality and your immigration status in the UK? If you have settled status or ILR, or pre-settled status and the right to reside (which you'll have if you're employed and on maternity leave), you are eligible for Universal Credit and you can claim as a single person - based on what you've said about the relationship being over and only continuing to live together because you're about to give birth. You should claim UC now and request an advance payment. Then after baby is born and you've registered the birth, you can add them to your CB and UC claims.

You said you're renting - is it a joint tenancy agreement in both names? Fixed term or periodic?

Original poster
40weeksmummy · 02/04/2023 15:54

AnotherEmma · 02/04/2023 15:10

Sorry you find yourself in such a stressful situation Flowers

What is your nationality and your immigration status in the UK? If you have settled status or ILR, or pre-settled status and the right to reside (which you'll have if you're employed and on maternity leave), you are eligible for Universal Credit and you can claim as a single person - based on what you've said about the relationship being over and only continuing to live together because you're about to give birth. You should claim UC now and request an advance payment. Then after baby is born and you've registered the birth, you can add them to your CB and UC claims.

You said you're renting - is it a joint tenancy agreement in both names? Fixed term or periodic?

I don't think I can claim any UC as a single person while we still live together. We claimed UC for childcare in the past, we needed to upload all evidence - tenancy agreement (both names on it), etc. All bills, everything on both names.
I'm just scared I'll do something illegal...
There is no chance he would move away from the house, he can't be bothered to buy food for himself, I'm not talking about rent and all bills to manage by himself, he knows his family won't help, even his brother won't do it. He will stay in this house until he will be forced to leave by landlord or police.
I can't report him as a "dangerous" too - he's not screaming, no physical abuse, etc. Even our neighbours would describe him as a nice guy.
We are both from EU, with settled statuses.

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 03/04/2023 21:21

40weeksmummy · 02/04/2023 15:54

I don't think I can claim any UC as a single person while we still live together. We claimed UC for childcare in the past, we needed to upload all evidence - tenancy agreement (both names on it), etc. All bills, everything on both names.
I'm just scared I'll do something illegal...
There is no chance he would move away from the house, he can't be bothered to buy food for himself, I'm not talking about rent and all bills to manage by himself, he knows his family won't help, even his brother won't do it. He will stay in this house until he will be forced to leave by landlord or police.
I can't report him as a "dangerous" too - he's not screaming, no physical abuse, etc. Even our neighbours would describe him as a nice guy.
We are both from EU, with settled statuses.

Show quote history

I work in this area. It is permitted to claim UC as a single person while you are still living with your ex-partner, as long as you are not living together as a couple (i.e. not sleeping together) and intend to separate permanently. However, don't take my word for it. Here are some links.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/what-youll-need-to-do-on-universal-credit/check-if-a-change-affects-your-universal-credit/#h-if-you-re-still-living-with-your-ex-partner
and https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-partner-and-benefits (see "If you have split up but still share the same home", in section 2)
If you are still unsure, you can contact the Citizens Advice 'Help to Claim' team and they can confirm your eligibility and advise you about how to claim: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/claiming/helptoclaim/

My other advice is to contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (or web chat, see https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/) and/or find your local Women's Aid (or equivalent) at https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/
They can give you advice and support - practical and emotional - as you plan to leave him.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your situation? If you haven't yet done so, I encourage you to. She may be able to offer advice and support, too.

Lastly, you could contact your local council's housing advice team to ask about your options. If you have a joint tenancy at the moment, you will need to end that tenancy - see https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/joint_tenancies/relationship_breakdown

Good luck.

Check if a change affects your Universal Credit

Check what changes you need to report to the DWP and how they’ll affect your Universal Credit.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/what-youll-need-to-do-on-universal-credit/check-if-a-change-affects-your-universal-credit#h-if-you-re-still-living-with-your-ex-partner

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Original poster
40weeksmummy · 03/04/2023 21:25

AnotherEmma · 03/04/2023 21:21

I work in this area. It is permitted to claim UC as a single person while you are still living with your ex-partner, as long as you are not living together as a couple (i.e. not sleeping together) and intend to separate permanently. However, don't take my word for it. Here are some links.
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/what-youll-need-to-do-on-universal-credit/check-if-a-change-affects-your-universal-credit/#h-if-you-re-still-living-with-your-ex-partner
and https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/survival-guide-living-partner-and-benefits (see "If you have split up but still share the same home", in section 2)
If you are still unsure, you can contact the Citizens Advice 'Help to Claim' team and they can confirm your eligibility and advise you about how to claim: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/claiming/helptoclaim/

My other advice is to contact the National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 (or web chat, see https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/) and/or find your local Women's Aid (or equivalent) at https://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory/
They can give you advice and support - practical and emotional - as you plan to leave him.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your situation? If you haven't yet done so, I encourage you to. She may be able to offer advice and support, too.

Lastly, you could contact your local council's housing advice team to ask about your options. If you have a joint tenancy at the moment, you will need to end that tenancy - see https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/private_renting/joint_tenancies/relationship_breakdown

Good luck.

Show quote history

Thank you very much for your time and help!
I contacted Citizen Advisors too, waiting for an appointment,so fingers crossed.

OP posts:
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