Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

It’s my birthday tomorrow and I can’t face the cajoling required to make my sulky-arsed 14yo pleasant to spend time with

16 replies

Indhh · 02/04/2023 10:47

I am pre-menstrual too so tolerance levels are at rock bottom. She is lovely company when she is in a good mood but she is sinking into a holidays slump already because her friends are all away. It is possible to drag her out of it if we put the work in but just once it would be nice if she thought, hmm, it’s mum’s birthday tomorrow, perhaps I shouldn’t be a sulky arse about spending time with her.

OP posts:
cornflakesandtea · 02/04/2023 10:51

Go out alone! I'd rather spend the day by myself enjoying the things I like to do than spend it with a sulking miserable teenager! She's old enough to stay home alone.

Charles11 · 02/04/2023 10:55

Send her a text saying 'yay! It's my birthday tomorrow! Can't wait to spend it with the best daughter in the world!'
It might switch up her mood. Or it might not.

Original poster
Indhh · 02/04/2023 10:56

I feel like I’d be sulking if I did that 😄

We have plans as a family. Nice simple teenage friendly plans. If it was a good mood day it would be lovely.

OP posts:
maranella · 02/04/2023 10:58

I hear you OP. Today is a celebration for me too and trying to get my DC (15 and 11) up and dressed and something other than grumpy is a challenge! Pick something that you'll both like - a restaurant, a film, a browse round some nice shops and if she's awful have a nice bottle of wine chilling in the fridge so at least you can have a drink when you get home. Happy Birthday for tomorrow Flowers

Original poster
Indhh · 02/04/2023 11:00

Thanks @maranella I hope you get to enjoy your celebration 🥳

OP posts:
Charles11 · 02/04/2023 11:15

Oh was my message sounding sarcastic? Put more love into it and give her a cuddle Smile
Teenagers are like terrible toddlers sometimes

Original poster
Indhh · 02/04/2023 11:26

Charles11 · 02/04/2023 11:15

Oh was my message sounding sarcastic? Put more love into it and give her a cuddle Smile
Teenagers are like terrible toddlers sometimes

My first reply was to cornflakesandtea, think I cross posted with you. But your suggested text would definitely be interpreted as sarcastic if I sent it to her!

I don’t know, saying all the right things to cheer her up is the kinda work I don’t want to have to put in when it’s my birthday and people should care about my feelings <sulks> 😂

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/04/2023 11:42

Its fine to tune her moods out just let her crack on and go about singing happy birthday to mee 🎶 14 year olds can be proper arseholes I remember mine at that age and shudder😃

NurseCranesRolodex · 02/04/2023 11:56

Feel your pain! Honestly though you know its only temporary. Don't expect anything and fully accept that it may be a sulky time. If it was me, I'd write her a little note, "I just want you to know you are so special to me and I couldn't be more proud of you. Thank you for spending some time tmo with me on my birthday, I know you'd like to be with your friends but it means so much to me you're joining in with me. Thank you". She will be delighted and unlikely to be a massive pita! Enjoy

Gagagardener · 02/04/2023 12:59

Are there just the two of you? I can see that would make it harder, esp if DD is already missing her friends. Are you going to be working? What did you do for her, for her last birthday? Have you any photos of happy birthdays (yours and hers) that you could look at together this evening, to start a conversation about what you'd like.

Breakfast together, laid table, little posy, croissants and orange juice, nice coffee, might be a pleasant way to start the day.

Don't let it make you unhappy. My horrid teen is now a very thoughtful daughter. I think I was probably very self-centred, too at that age; can't ask my mother- she's been gone for more than a decade.

Best wishes!

Justmuddlingalong · 02/04/2023 13:01

I would remind her that her behaviour on your birthday, will be taken into account when you're planning hers.

Hbh17 · 02/04/2023 13:09

Can't you just leave her to it and enjoy a nice, quiet day on your own? Then everyone is happy, and you can choose what you do without pandering to a grumpy teen.

sixfoot · 02/04/2023 13:11

Don’t make your happiness dependent on someone else’s mood / behaviour. especially not a teenager.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/04/2023 13:13

Ask her if she wants to join you, if she doesn't it's no big deal surely?

twolilacs · 02/04/2023 13:29

Assuming you have a DH/DP, then perhaps they need to have a 'conversation' with her. If not, perhaps a word in her ear from a kindly grandparent?

Original poster
Indhh · 02/04/2023 13:33

Ahh, I feel bad now, she’s pretty great really and we have got off pretty lightly in the teenage behaviour stakes.

I have got over my little birthday related strop. It’s a bit of a flash point for me, never liked my birthday.

I really don’t want to go out without her. One of my favourite things is hanging out with the dc when they’re on good form, it’s just a bit unpredictable that’s all.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page