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Original poster

To find it hard work.

38 replies

LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 19:20

5 year old. I have 70 PC custody. I just find some days bloody hard. There's different rules across houses so that's difficult. It's the constant running around, pestering to have telly on, pestering for crap food 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:12

Anyone?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 01/04/2023 20:14

For your own sake, you need to get a grip. That's what kids do, and you've got another, say, 15 years of this!

Blsp · 01/04/2023 20:14

Same. I have 12 nights out of 14.

I would never have wanted her less. But it's hard sometimes. Knowing he is off doing whatever he pleases the vast majority of the time while i miss out on allsorts makes it harder. It was a joint decision to have child.

And same, no rules at his. So the demands and the "daddy lets me" is very draining.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:15

Thank you. I was looking for something abit more constructive.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:16

Blsp · 01/04/2023 20:14

Same. I have 12 nights out of 14.

I would never have wanted her less. But it's hard sometimes. Knowing he is off doing whatever he pleases the vast majority of the time while i miss out on allsorts makes it harder. It was a joint decision to have child.

And same, no rules at his. So the demands and the "daddy lets me" is very draining.

Thanks. I'm really trying to limit tv and sugar but it's hard when he prefers being there because he's allowed to do as he pleases

OP posts:
Blsp · 01/04/2023 20:17

Dillydollydingdong · 01/04/2023 20:14

For your own sake, you need to get a grip. That's what kids do, and you've got another, say, 15 years of this!

I think you are the one that needs to get a grip. She isn't saying she doesn't manage it, only that it is tough. If mothers can't come on a forum aimed at mothers to talk about it being tough then what else can they do? If you're so fucking perfect and have never struggled then maybe you're not best placed to give advice.

gooseduckchicken · 01/04/2023 20:17

That's what kids do, and you've got another, say, 15 years of this

If my kid can't turn on the telly and get his own snacks by the time he's 20, I'm running away from home.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:19

Thanks for the supportive posts. My ex wants to be his best mate first and not a parent. It makes my job harder in a alot of ways.

OP posts:
Honeypotday · 01/04/2023 20:19

It must be incredibly difficult for you. DH and I are together but even so don’t agree on everything (we don’t fight, but DH is more chilled about TV and food and drink) and I find that hard going enough.

Hopefully your DS will eventually ‘get it’ that different rules apply in different places Flowers

mri · 01/04/2023 20:20

It's hard. But you are doing the best for your child. Flowers

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:28

Talking to me ex about it is like nailing jelly to the wall

OP posts:
Blsp · 01/04/2023 20:35

LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:28

Talking to me ex about it is like nailing jelly to the wall

Mine told me (in front of her) i was out of order for putting suncream on her in the height in summer when she didn't want to, and he'd never make her do something she didn't want 🙄🙄

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 20:42

I just don't bother engaging with him. Hopefully he sees him so infrequently it's not having too much of an impact.

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 01/04/2023 20:54

My DD is here 26 nights out of 30 and he refuses to go-parent. As a result, I have to assume he loves her and wants the best for her. It's tough.

I've found the best way to make this work is for me to hand over complete control every other weekend.

I say, "complete" but obviously I'll raise if she's coming to harm or anything is bothering her. The other day I created a safe space for her to explain some things to him, and how she feels, but they are her feelings and he simply won't listen or accept them from me.

She's learning to use her voice but she's now 6 and totally gets that I'm the "reliable" one. We separated when she was 2.5yrs old. I've not had to explain this at all but she knows who her main career is, and that I'll listen to her.

Organise loads of fun stuff for when they're away, or have a lie-in and do all your boring house crap so when they're there, you're 100% present. X

Royalbloo · 01/04/2023 20:56

Also my ex told my DD that he couldn't spend Father's Day with her because, "I pushed Mummy over and she called the police."

Almost like it was MY fault.

Erm, yeah. He did and that's EXACTLY why he doesn't live with us.

She told everyone in school and I was called in to make sure I was ok.

Mental.

Royalbloo · 01/04/2023 20:58

I just don't bother speaking to him any more. I either send a text about something vital (like where to pick her up from), or I just sort it myself. Speaking to him is like punching myself in the face repeatedly.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 01/04/2023 21:59

Yeah it's hard work. He's actually started doing more since he's got a partner. It's like groundhog day sometimes though when I repeat and repeat myself.

OP posts:
Blsp · 01/04/2023 22:26

Mine is the opposite. New partner isn't interested in his child and he is becoming less and less interested. She interrupts his relationship.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 02/04/2023 08:44

Suppose in some ways I'm lucky. I also work full time and ex will only do about 1 in 6 weekends.

OP posts:
Blsp · 02/04/2023 08:54

LolaFerrari · 02/04/2023 08:44

Suppose in some ways I'm lucky. I also work full time and ex will only do about 1 in 6 weekends.

One in six weekends! That's brutal. How come he'll only have him that often? Does he do a couple of nights a week?

In real life I find it hard to talk about because however I phrase it, it sounds like I don't want to look after my child when that really isn't true. But I find being the only adult in the house quite intense, and find myself wishing for time just to myself more than if I was sharing the load every day.

Maximum one weekend in six to yourself sounds really tough. Do you ever feel bitter about the free time he has? I really do, but then I wouldn't want that much free time as free time means I'm not with my daughter. It's such a conflicting position to be in.

I also work full time she she doesn't go to her Dad in the week at all. It's full on and I'm really ready for it when his weekend comes about.

Original poster
LolaFerrari · 02/04/2023 10:18

He's does 2 weekdays and 1 weekend a month. He's had him twice this year the weekend. One at the start of Jan and one at the end of Feb. He says he's working but whatever. I used to be bitter but I just cannot be arsed.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaFerrari · 02/04/2023 10:22

I feel like I don't want him to have more though as it appears he just sits and watches the TV and eats shite in his dad's.

OP posts:
gkhg · 02/04/2023 10:52

Dillydollydingdong · 01/04/2023 20:14

For your own sake, you need to get a grip. That's what kids do, and you've got another, say, 15 years of this!

Oh fuck off

gkhg · 02/04/2023 10:56

It's so hard OP. When he grows up and his brain has developed properly, he'll understand you raised him with only his best interests in mind and he'll love you more for that. As long as your as patient as you can be and there for him when he's struggling, your relationship won't suffer x

gkhg · 02/04/2023 10:56

You're *

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