My dad (67) has become really grumpy and making strange decisions

[HappyValet]

I've always had a close and loving relationship with my dad, we have a large family and he's been an amazing hands-on father and especially grandfather to his 12 grandchildren. He's provided some childcare since the eldest grandchildren were born (my brother's children) and still does for all the latest grandchildren. He and my mum have my children once a week, and they provide school holiday cover etc. They are absolutely amazing.

I've noticed lately my dad has started to lose his temper with the kids and snaps at them grumpily. It's so out of character. My mum possibly notices as she steps in and brightly/loudly removes child with soothing words. It's over the usual things we all get frustrated at - slow putting on shoes, leaving plates around or moaning about what's for dinner, that sort of thing. But he's always had the patience of a saint and totally indulged them until now.

He's also made some weird decision. Small, but weird. He let my son (7) watch a complete inappropriate adult true crime show. He knew what it was as apparently he's watched it too. It's so unlike him.

He took them an hour's drive to a safari park and decided when they got there that weren't going in after all and they should all come home. They had even taken a picnic with them and my 4 year old was absolutely distraught as she'd looked forward to it all week.

I'm not sure whether to raise anything with him, or how? We get along well but I don't think I've ever had a conversation like that with him. Not sure where to start. Or do I just leave it? Maybe it's a blip, or maybe I'm over reacting...

this can very often be a sign of dementia.

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/conditionsandtreatments/dementia-early-signs

Can you speak to your mum first? She might have noticed more or be aware of something going on they haven't communicated to you.

It could be lots of things really - depression, anxiety, just work out ( 12 grandkids is a lot ! My parents found it all too much with 4 ! ). It could be something more serious. I think you need to talk to him or your mum if you are concerned. Your mum may not notice subtle changes in the way you have. though as she is presumably with him all day.

Sorry that should say worn out not work out.

Maybe he is finding the childcare tough after all these years. Perhaps have a chat with your parents

It could possibly be early signs of dementia but I also think your parents must be exhausted looking after small children at their age. I’ve never had any help from family and my parents are all older now but at 67 they definitely wouldn’t have minded them , liked seeing them occasionally but with us doing all the looking after of the dcs. My mil is just slightly older than your dad and also wouldn’t be able at all, she’s in good health but would be exhausted looking after small kids. If they want to fair enough but it must be full on at their age I’d imagine.

A sudden change like this needs investigated. A lot of people will ignore symptoms because they don't want to accept it but it could be something relatively solvable. In reality I would be questioning how safe he was to look after my kids with the examples you have given so it's going to come to a head soon.

My DF is a bit younger and has become much more short tempered and fatigued since he became diabetic.

I would also worry about my dcs if I had any concerns like dementia

Thanks for the replies. I will speak to them. Maybe I should try my mum first. I am concerned.

He has retired now from a very high pressure job so I think he felt more able to provide childcare in the last few years but perhaps it's taken it out of him more than anyone realises.

He's always been a very capable fixer/do-er, operates at 110% all the time and does a lot for his community, local charities etc as well. Maybe he just needs a step back. I hope it's not because anything is wrong physically or mentally.

Like driving etc, it could be dangerous with little kids. Also my kids are all a bit older but can be really distracting in the car. If your dad is getting irritable this could be extremely dangerous in a car.

As PPs have said, it would be sensible to start by having a chat with your mum about this. If it is a definite change in personality / behaviour, rather than just his struggling with the DGC because it is now too tiring, she is bound to have noticed and will almost certainly be very concerned about it herself, too.

I’d be worried too, the fact that your mumsteps in when he’s grumpy around the kids tells me she’s noticed the change in him. Talk to her and tell her your worries about him,

The poor kids must be confused too, “why is grandad shouting at me?”.
It could be he’s getting tired of the child minding and you and your siblings should think about asking less of your parents.
BUT The driving thing is a big red flag, he needs to see his gp.

Ask your mother how he is doing, and whether he has anything on his mind. As others have said this type of personality change can be a sign of ageing, but also stress and depression can make it difficult to cope with things that normally wouldn't bother us. Your mum will know what's going on with him, and will probably welcome a conversation about it.

I would also ease back on leaving the children with them because regardless of the cause, they are obviously struggling with it now.

I would be wary of letting your DF drive DC places an hour away. For reasons stated above.

The very last time we allowed FIL to drive DC to rugby was when he forgot how to get there. My DS said " turn right " and FIL went the wrong way around the roundabout!! Frightening.

You have had a few red flags OP, be forewarned!

I think you should definitely speak to them. Maybe first your mum to find out what she thinks. Encourage him to go to the doctor. It might not be dementia, could be a brain tumour or something else that needs medical attention.